What’s my point with all of this?
We are ten days short of the anniversary of my first post on this blog, and i suppose i’m just trying to discern if anything has really quantifiably changed for me. Because, if it hasn’t – if the only changes are cosmetic and that these posts get longer and fewer and farther between, then this is just another failure; another ended interlude that i just have to use as ammo to the best of my ability in the future.
Of course, i don’t believe that, really, because my life has changed in ways i can’t even really enumerate because of this dumb hunk of internet i call a home. The little things have been shifting and shifting in my life, but overall it’s hard to see the net effect. It’s like the difference between imagining 50,000 pennies piled up in your living room versus one hundred million of them in your driveway; you know that there’s more in one instance as opposed to the other – i can tell that i’m a different person now, but i don’t know by what margin or if i’m better or worse off.
I only bring this all up (only, ha!) because the next month for me is going to be full of movement and opportunities and chances to prove myself, and it’s looming a wee bit too close for comfort right now. But, if i really want to be the reject that i’m supposed to be, i suppose i have to start living up to potential sooner or later.
Enough said. Time for bed.