My tweets of the last week:
Archives for 2012
my lottery-winning playbook
(I’ve been toying with this post for a long time – at least four years – and it never felt completed before now. More synapses freed for other thinking!)
Below is my list of my top ten priorities for if I ever win a million or more dollars. This is the stuff I would hope to do within the first year of winning. Clearly, some of them would be executed differently depending on just how much the amount was, and if I could receive it as a lump sum or annuity.
1. Hire a personal financial adviser. There’s no use to winning a big sum of money if you can’t manage it well. This comes with the caveat that I would likely first talk to the lottery commission, past lottery winners, and any random rich people I can locate to create general recommendations about what to do to manage my winnings.
2. Pay off the remainder of my student loans (If it was a lot of money I’d probably also help some of my close friends get out from under their burdens.)
3. Pay off a significant chunk of our mortgage, not necessarily because it is the soundest investment, but to free up income for other priorities. Also, make some sundry home repairs, like our chimney – which I will never otherwise pay to fix. (If it was beaucoup bucks, I would buy or build a bigger house with a pool and design a detached recording studio. We’d probably keep our current house, for sentimental reasons, but also to use as a visiting bands hotel or something.)
4. Secure or invest enough money to retire comfortably at 50. With the immediate financial drains out of the way, I’d want to firm up my future. All the frivolous living post-lottery could be a lot of fun, but eventually I am going to get older, and I’d rather work a little harder now than have to relearn how to work after spending all of my easily-earned winnings.
5. Evaluate lots of band stuff. Hire a booking agent. Upgrade/repair everyone’s instruments to their personal ideals. Likely record studio EPs or full-lengths as a solo act, with both Arcati Crisis and Filmstar, as well as with my new super-secret project. (If it was mega money, I would consider if I could salary enough of my various band members at a high enough pay to make it worthwhile for us to go on occasional (or: frequent) tours.)
6. Hire a personal trainer, voice instructor, nutritionist/chef, web designer, and maid service (all things I am terrible at doing on my own). Possibly also a French instructor, see below.
7. Get one or more graduate degrees, or go back for my undergrad in music.
8. Look into some form of timeshare in Paris. (Living there full time would interrupt a lot of other bits of life, but I’d certainly love to have a way to stay there more frequently)
9. Establish scholarship funds at Masterman and Drexel, potentially for single-parent children. (If I still had piles of money to spare at this point I would probably do something really huge for Masterman, like add floors to the building or something.)
Do you notice what that list doesn’t say? Go on crazy vacations. Quit my job or alter my career. Change my entire life. Why? Because when it comes to the basics, I’m already living as if I won the lottery, and you should, too. Clearly I might wind up in a touring band or going back to school for communications, but neither of those things are so different than what I do every day right now.
Or, at least, that’s what I say now. E proclaims it to be very boring, but these are the sorts of things I dream of doing! Who knows what would happen if I actually won.
Madonna’s MDMA, track-by-track
After a week of listening to Madonna’s MDNA it has cemented itself both in my brain and in the larger pantheon of Madonna LPs.
It’s not a dance album like Confessions on the Dance Floor, or a personal confession like American Life, but something just as rhythmic and confrontational as Madonna reaches her apex of electronics and outright rage. People who complain that it does not sound like Madonna may have never known what Madonna sounded like to begin with.
Now that I’m an MDNA expert in addition to a walking Madonna reference manual, here is my take on MDNA from bad to best. After much deliberation about including the Deluxe Edition songs, I decided in their favor. They’re only on a second disc because it makes physical production simpler, but they are all a part of the same work.
(If you’d like to calibrate your ratings to mine, for me 3/5 generally means I would allow a song onto my personal radio station.)
16. Gang Bang – .5/5 – Terrible
I don’t even know where to start. Five-and-a-half minutes of Madonna murmuring without consonants (like Bjork), sharing her revenge fantasies, huskily whispering, and saying “bitch” a lot has no place at track two of an album, especially when it ends with a fit of embarrassing misogynist screaming. The beats aren’t even good. Is it that any song whose writing credits read like the membership of a committee is destined to suck? Apparently if you buy the clean version of the album you don’t even have to hear this crap, which is almost worth it.
15. B-Day Song – 1.5/5 – Uneven
Really not so bad for a cutesy song potentially-improvised over what sounds like isolated elements of “Gimme All Your Luvin’.” Plus, we’re hearing a relatively clean Madonna vocal, save for reverb. I suspect this could have started as a demo for something else that turned silly over time with MIA in the studio. It might not be life-changing, but I’m still happy it’s on the LP. If it wasn’t for bonus tracks how would we ever get to hear this sort of silliness from Madonna except on tour?
14. Superstar – 2/5 – Uneven
On my first listen, I was sure this tune was the big winner on the disc. Awesomely coo-ed chorus hook? Check. Super-cute lyrics? Check. Was this song “Cherish” V2.0? If we were grading on sound only, yes! On repeat, the weakness of the lyrics really sticks out. I simply don’t dig songs rely on analogies to public figures or brands – it takes me out of the music-listening mode. Well, that’s every verse (“You’re like Abe Lincoln, ’cause you fight for what’s right.” Really?). It’s downhill from there. Lyrics about cell phone passwords? The phrase “super-duper?
Yet, the worst offense is the hopeless devotion vibe of the song. It is beneath Madonna. I’m not saying she can’t love someone. I’ve heard both “Cherish” and “Burning Up.” I get the lyrical device of the biggest star in the world calling someone else her “Superstar.” Even if it is sweet of her to say it still comes off treacly and fake. She should have handed this one over to her daughter Lourdes, who sings backups, or perhaps Katy Perry, who has no inherent sense of of self-worth. Also, for a song with this much kick and tom, they could have used better samples of each.
Self-Reference: Madonna for once underplays potential lyrical shout-outs to “Angel” and “Get Into the Groove.”
13. Beautiful Killer – 2.5/5 – Okay
The lead-off track on the deluxe edition bonus disc is decent but ultimately forgettable, like Music‘s mid-LP filler “Amazing” and “Runaway Lover.” It boasts a strong vocal (with an actual switch to head voice!), but it is disarmed by a plodding drum loop and a boring descending interval on the chorus. Still, on most Madonna LPs this wouldn’t be marooned to a bonus disc – it’s fine mid-album fare.
12. I Don’t Give A 2.5/5 – Okay
High on the list of things that the majority of the world is disinterested in hearing is Madonna’s rapping, closely followed by her discussing the ins and outs of her daily routine in song rather than in a vicious B&W documentary. Yet, here we are again.
Despite my disinterest in the elements, Madonna makes them work better here than on “American Life.” To be honest, the arrangement is kinda tight. The pseudo-rapping is less barky than past efforts and adds a lot of fun melodic shout-backs (I love “take it down a semi-tone”). The “I’m gonna be okay” chorus hook is decent, especially followed by the series of suspended-chord harmony on the next passage.
Lyrically, Madonna isn’t trying to make her life out to be too pedestrian or glamorous – just the life of one of the most famous women in the world (although, minus points for mentioning Wi-Fi and Tweeting, the latter of which she did for the first time the day the album was released). Nicki Minaj manages to deliver an enjoyably schizophrenic rap that is almost on-topic. And, the song ends with a totally weird acappella round of the words “I don’t give a fuck” reminiscent of the acappella Flight-of-Bumblebee score of Glee. In the end, I enjoy that this is the reality of being Madonna – she is always busy, she is good at everything, and she doesn’t give a damn about what you (or I) have to say about it.
11. Give Me All Your Luvin’ – 2.5/5 – Okay
As explored in my #MusicMonday about this tune, despite it being a strong lead-single it has too many casual flaws for me to like it in the long term. Specifically, the terrible plastic arrangement in place of a real rock band and half-hearted guest appearances that don’t capitalize on the skills of Nicki and MIA. Yet, it also bears a undeniable sixties girl group vibe, which I can never completely discard. I suspect this is going to rock much harder on the forthcoming tour.
Self-Reference: “Lucky Star” merits a name-drop.
10. I Fucked Up – 3/5 – Good
There is always certain schadenfreude in Madonna acknowledging her own mistakes in song, especially when it involves her being vulgar. The majority of this song is a delightfully down-tempo electronic track with earphone busting bass drum, simple acoustic guitar, actual strings, and a plaintive, accessible melody. If the track stayed there I would likely rank it higher, but there is a whole “I miss all the stuff we could have done together because we are rich” part. Surprisingly, only a line or two winds up being cringe-worthy, but the cutesy, accelerated major key arrangement is grating right up until it blossoms back into the awesome refrain. This one really deserved to be on the full disc, and it’s much less offensive than “Gang Bang.”
Self-Reference: Checks “Sorry” by apologizing in another language.
9. Masterpiece – 3/5 – Good
Madonna’s Golden Globe winning tune from her film W.E. is a finely-constructed, mid-tempo, acoustronic ballad with lyrics that can withstand scrutiny. Plus, it bears some considerable hooks. The only minor downside is the clipped vocoder vocals behind the lead on the chorus – they would be better as organic supporting harmony. Still, this is a strong (if slightly-forgettable) ballad that might have stood a chance at an Oscar if it was eligible.
8. Falling Free – 3.5/5 – Great
At first it was hard to get a handle on this album-closing track, because there is no attack – no drums or guitar strums to orient you to the passing time. Yet, in the absence of instrumental violence, Madonna is giving this her level-best singing effort on wide, Evita-esque intervals (even if she is benefiting from a little tuning up here and there). Also, the lyrics are legitimate poetry. Part of me is sort of tickled by the idea of Madonna scribbling couplets into a journal by her bedside, but in reality many of them likely came from her cousin Joe Henry, her co-writing bro-in-law and past collaborator on “Don’t Tell Me” and “Jump.”
7. Best Friend – 3.5/5 – Good
Usually any track with those words in the title is going to be a sickly sweet mess unless it is about a dog. Yes, even if it’s by Queen. Yet, this deluxe edition R&B-via-Electronica song is actually a pretty awesome track. It would fit right in on Ace of Base’s The Sign– the synthetic misery could be perfectly tracked next to “Don’t Turn Around,” especially thanks to the faux-Reggae chorus. Unlike a lot of the other ultra-personal divorce songs on the disc, this one doesn’t have a single cringe-worthy moment. Despite a lot of tuning foolery on the vocal, there are some great moments of raw, emotional performance shining through. This one was probably only exiled for not quite fitting into the sound of the LP, which begs the question of how many other amazing genre-breaking tunes Madge has tucked away.
6. Some Girls – 3.5/5 – Great
At first I thought this was a cacophonous toss-away, another divorce-fueled, woman-hating, kiss-off. Instead, it turned out to be the reciprocal of The Rolling Stones song of the same title. Mick sings about all that girls give and take, and so does Madonna, as she watches younger coquettes circle her like pretty, blonde vultures. She dissects them one by one, half a threat, half a scolding to her lovers for their lack of caution, and at least a little self-deprecating (“Some girls make a scene, shoot their mouth and talk obscene”).
This pulsing, pounding track pulls Madonna’s voice like taffy, but keeps her recognizable and distinct. It’s like a more-awesome, more bitchy-version of a killer Britney Spears cut. I will be utterly shocked if this doesn’t see release as a club single.
Self-Reference: The creepy, pitch-shifted, asexual backing vocals call back to Madonna’s boyish intro to “Music,” and at one point say “Like a virgin, sweet and clean.” She lyrically checks “Express Yourself” with “Some girls are second best, put your luvin’ to the test.”
5. I’m A Sinner – 3.5/5 – Great
A religion-referencing retread of Austin Power’s “Beautiful Stranger”? Yes, please. Even if it’s a little derivative, this is the sort of fun, off-the-leash Madonna song that makes her albums great. I love that the highest parts of the vocal aren’t auto-tuned at all, but multi-tracked into near-intelligibility. That it screeches to a halt midway through for a Gaga-aping organ-and-Saints mid-section can be forgiven, since Madonna invented that genre and does it just as well. Also, on a track actually called “I’m a Sinner” it fits right in! The verse phrases’ melodic descent from a high point paired with the monotone musical underpinning is so reminiscent of The Beatles that it has to be intentional. (Perhaps “Love You To”? I can’t quite place it.)
Self-Reference: “Get down on your knees and pray” nods at “Like a Prayer.”
4. Girl Gone Wild – 3.5/5 – Excellent
I dissed this track when it debuted as sounding a little generic for Madonna. However, after hearing the entire album I see a lot more of her in this than I do in many of the other songs, even if she didn’t write it. It is no different than “Everybody” or “Get Into the Groove” – just let the music take you.
The octave-leaping title hook is incredibly infectious, as is Madonna’s recent signature of hiccuping remixed vocals (take that, Gaga, with your Stu-stu-stuttering). Yes, the arrangement is a little clubland generic, but that is the frame this disc is pictured within. On the whole, this helps define the divide between this LP and the R&B of Hard Candy and danceable Confessions on the Dancefloor. MDNA handily achieves both, but it’s more about falling into the synthesizers voice-first until each song becomes its own highly-addictive remix. Also, the video is ultra-hot.
Self-Reference: Intro backgrounds are incredible similar to “Get Together.” Namechecks “Bad Girl.” Starts with a call out to god, as does the Immaculate Collection remix of “Like a Prayer.” Mentions the word “Erotic.” Points off for forgetting that “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” is not actually a reference to her own music, but the mantra of her main 80s competitor.
3. Turn Up The Radio – 4/5 – Excellent
This is the proof-of-concept track on the disc. It’s youthful, but it’s still Madonna. The arrangement is a little more detailed than “Girls.” In fact, minus the modern synthesizers it could have easily appeared on her first album thanks to the “music will set you free” escapism that she established there and kept on mining for her whole career. The one down side is that the lyrics are weirdly incomplete – the mention beginning a story and approaching a glowing light, but then we only get “moth/flame” metaphors as our reward.
2. I’m Addicted – 4.5/5 – Remarkable
This track sounds stolen from La Roux’s 2009 debut in the best possible way. The arrangement, performance, and lyrics could all stand up next to her delicious “Bulletproof.” It starts with one of my favorite Madonna lyrics of all time:
When did your name change from a word to a charm?
No other sound makes the hair stand up on the back of my arm
All of the letters pushed to the front of my mouth
And saying your name is somewhere between a prayer and a shout
And I can’t get it out
Are you fucking kidding me? On a Madonna song? That lyric is amazing! Around her words a spool of arppegiated synths unfurl. They are contained to higher frequencies for over a minute, and just as you begin to wonder if this tune will ever have a proper thump they swell downward to fill up the low end. It is the best-case scenario for an entirely synthesizer-based song – it is intricately detailed and covers a wide dynamic range.
(Sadly, we can’t necessarily attribute the lyrics to Madonna, as the producer team behind this one also delivered “Girl Gone Wild, words and all.)
Self-Reference: So, would she say that when she calls your name, it’s like… a little prayer?
It’s hard to believe “I’m Addicted” didn’t nab the #1 spot from me, as it rightfully would have on either of the last two Madonna albums, but MDNA has an incredibly clear victor:
1. Love Spent – 5/5 – Unassailable
I suppose I have to take back what I said above about songs written by committee, because this song has as many songwriters as “Gang Bang,” but that is the only sentence that should ever mention them both in a single breath.
This song is amazing. One of her best ever. It starts with a banjo, of all things, and then an electronics-coated Madonna voice singing higher than her usual (maybe even in her elusive mixed register). It gets personal right off the bat – would she be divorced (or: even married) if she wasn’t Madonna? Can anyone love her as a person separately from her bank account?
Luckily, in the midst the heavy contemplation, the song is almost all-hook – remarkable, considering how many words it has. I have found myself singing almost every section of the song on repeat under my breath this past week, not the least of which are the songs sharpest lyrics:
Hold me like your money
Tell me that you want me
Spend your love on me
Love me like your money
Spend it till there’s nothing
Spend your love on me
The song would be great even if it stopped with that as its chorus, but then it moves on to the major-key relief of the title line. It’s like a balm to the rest of the song every time it appears.
This is what I hope for from every new Madonna album – an expanded sound, a new perspective, and a clever way to express an already heavily-treaded sentiment.
Self-Reference: The “your voice / no choice” rhyme from (yet again) “Like a Prayer.” It’s a goldmine of ideas, apparently.
What I Tweeted, 2012-04-01 Edition
My tweets of the last week:
luck in my blood
It seems that the entire USA portion of the internet has Mega Millions on the brain today, which seems like a good excuse to take a break before I file my last two Madonna posts.
My grandmother had incredible luck. She won the lottery so many times I truly lost count. Not Mega Millions, clearly, or else I would be typing this to you on a laptop made of responsibly-mined diamonds. Daily pick three? Pick four? Scratch-off tickets? Slot machines? Yes, she could win at all of those games of absolute zero-strategy.
Pure luck. It was her sole income, other than Social Security. I think at one point it may have paid for a year of my private grade-school, but I could be remembering it wrong. Many comic books, at least.
I think a little of her luck was passed down to me. I have won or been picked for many things I’ve desired, against highly improbably odds. Notably, I won a guitar signed by my favorite band, Garbage, but that’s just one of many odds-defying wins I’ve had.
Whenever jackpots get very high, I always consider buying a few tickets. When people are surprised (given my typical anti-gambling stance), I explain to them that I stand a much better chance of winning than they do, because I have luck in my blood.