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Category Archives: laurel

Trio Season 6 – Suite #6: Instants

Monday, November 10, 2008

This Trio almost wound up being titled “Primer” because of the following three quotes:

On being primed:
If you’ve ever read an interview with a songwriter … you’ll hear a repeated theme: that you have to constantly be writing, and constantly be revising and playing. It seems sortof counter-intuitive, because at some point you’ve written a certain amount of material, and you feel like you should be playing or rehearsing that material. But … when you have a new idea it’s much more easy to capture that idea.

It’s funny that you can apply any kind of science to songwriting. You spend a lot of years as a songwriter thinking it’s just lightning that strikes you, but there are things you can do to make yourself more of a lightning rod.

All This Time
When the chorus came in my head I literally walked to the piano and played the entire song in one go and wrote the lyrics. It all happened in 30 minutes. … Effectively the whole song came at once. It was because I was primed. That’s the challenge, you know? You have to be working on songs to have other songs that work.

Will It Ever Come?
Much like “All This Time,” it came at this point that I was very primed, in the summer of 2000. I wrote a lot of what are still my favorite songs at that time … songs that I really still play very frequently. And this one was kindof in the middle, and it just got ignored. It was at the very beginning of Crushing Krisis and I blogged the lyrics. [Ed note: Literally; I wrote them out in nine minutes in the Blogger window. They were my 81st post.]

The next year when I went into the recording studio … I can honestly say I don’t know that ever played it before. And we did it in one take.

.

Lyrics and chords for “Time Is Running Out” are behind the cut. Read more…


Trio – the original singer-songwriter web session – returns for its sixth season featuring my original music, recorded live and DIY in my bedroom. You can download this Trio, grab the single of “All This Time,” or listen to a previous Trio:

 
 Suite 6: Instants [15:09m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Also filed in Season 6, Year 09, acappella, college, piano, radiohead, songwriting | | Comments (2)

Trio Season 6 – Suite #3: A Confidence Game

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Trio: Season Six, Suite #3: A Confidence Game
Unengaged, Tangling, Wonder

A sample of what I had to say in this Trio…

Unengaged
It wasn’t the lack of confidence in doing that thing, but the lack of confidence that came in the wake of that – like, “Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?” … It’s also about [lack of] confidence in performing it: I wrote that melody almost just as an exercise in getting it up into falsetto over and over again. I didn’t ever think I was going to perform it that way. … If it’s your song, and you wrote it that way, then there must be a reason it’s in falsetto.

Tangling
It was the anchor of this set … Somebody moves out of your life for some period … and you think, “wow, we’re so connected.” And then they get back and you don’t feel that connection immediately. And you wonder – was that connection so tenuous that it dissipated with the distance? … People change over a period of time, and you have to take some time to retune that connection.

Wonder
I think anyone can identify with that walking down the street – or, in the case of this song, in a train station – and you see somebody, and in your mind you have a whole fantasy about them in a split second … and then they get on the train. Or, maybe that’s just me?


Trio – the original singer-songwriter web session – returns for its sixth season featuring my original music, recorded live and DIY in my bedroom. You can download this Trio, or listen to a previous Trio:

 
 Suite 3: A Confidence Game [16:54m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Also filed in 44th St, Engagement, Season 6 | | Comments (5)

I Might Explode (someday, soon)

Monday, January 3, 2005

Everyone here has apologized for the rain. Waiters, even. As if i came all this way just to turn up my nose on Los Angeles just because it is soggy.

I have been tempted to write about it, but every attempt to pre-compose in my head has made it all seem so minimal. That’s why i have been taking pictures – better to show the moments that have made me want to write than fail to capture them later.

Returning from the airport, we turned up a street that offered a perfect, scenic view of the Hollywood sign, framed by a nearly doubled rainbow. Somehow, in all of my planning, i had forgotten that i would come face to face with this formidable national landmark. The moment was to rare to interrupt by taking a picture; i had arrived.

I don’t know what i actually expected from Los Angeles. I suppose a clue is that for the entirety of my first day i kept singing “Why You’d Want To Live Here” in my head. I expected the air to be dirty, the people to be surly, and the buildings to be tall.

Apparently, i’m not in that bit of LA. That’s the bit you don’t want to visit. I am in the bit roughly three miles south of Sunset & Vine. Every house looks different from the next; there are no cookie-cutter row homes. For two days we were down the 405 at the Manse where SL nannies. It was, of course, the nicest house i had ever been in; my favorite part was that the two story living room had a second living room that overlooked it from the top of the stairs. I just loved the idea of a house with an interior balcony.

It seems that my adventures to this point have been few, but i am a vacationer more than a tourist, so for me it is about being somewhere, not doing or seeing something. Aside from discovering my thirsty lust for Tanqueray Cosmos, so far i have shopped at The Grove, eaten sushi, walked through Ventura Beach, jammed on the mansion’s baby grand piano, had fresh avocado omelets, and went to Amoeba Music.

I am on my own now, in Laurel’s house; SL back with her children, and Laurel off to Costa Rica for vacation. On Saturday we made three small excursions to help me understand the lay of the land; no number streets here. On one i went to Amoeba music, which i adored and cost me more than it should have. On another we wound up on that same block, but by a different route, standing on Michael Jackson’s star. I was left with a rather imposing book of street maps and a small compass to aid me in subsequent adventures (which, as some of you know, is just the way i like it). All that’s left is to decide whether i brave it on foot, chance having Laurel’s bike stolen, or laze my way there via buses and cabs.

Finally: the entire time, from arrival at PHL last week, I have been reading Harry Potter books. I found them unimpressive up until five, which was the powerhouse i had been anticipating the entire time. Funny how popular mythologies are so similar; Rowling’s scenes are so similar to ones i penned in my never-finished pubescent novel, from the Hogwarts Express to encounters with the ArchVillain. Yet, i have been sitting here since i finished, wondering: Where is my opus?

I think the answer is that i’ve had a few already, and there still may be some to come.

Also filed in cali, thoughts | | Comments (0)

Blogathon: 18/24 – Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Sunday, July 27, 2003
Don't Stand So Close To Me (mp3/ra)

originally performed by The Police
acapella arrangement by Peter M.
lead vocals – laurel
harmony vocals – lindsay
vocal percussion and alto vocals – elise
washburn acoustic – peter
larivee acoustic – anthony

Also filed in bthon'03, elise, lindsay | | Comments (0)

Monday, March 25, 2002

Asking an adventurous pesco-vegetarian, a finicky omnivore, and the master of Lipton side dishes and grilled cheese to decide amongst themselves what meal they can collectively cook and eat is somewhere between comedy and challenge. Last Tuesday Laurel came over to make dinner with Kat and I, and after a limited amount of fussing we wound up taking a stab at a spinach quiche recipe that my mother and i have been making for years now. The quiche met all of our pre-requisites … meatless, cheesy, and relatively basic in preparation. We added a side order of perogies and suddenly we had a healthy (and rather yummy) meal assembled within the span of an hour. While serving up the food i lamented that i wanted a cookbook that was “Vegetarian, but with meat. You know, like, a cookbook for lapsed and reformed vegetarians.”


We all got a laugh out of my meandering description of the perfect cookbook, and yesterday while wandering in and out of used book stores in New Hope with Elise i actually found what i was looking for. Almost Vegetarian is a smartly compiled book that veers between rare herbivore delicacies and more modest meaty fare, peppered throughout with tips on advanced preparation and vegetable shopping in green ink. I bought it immediately, for a surprising eight dollars, considering it’s in absolutely perfect condition.


I love those coincidental moments that life offers up, as though a bookstore was fated to carry a particular book on a certain day just because i was too inarticulate after baking for nearly an hour to describe what my ideal cookbook would really feature. Chalk one up for serendipity, i suppose.

Also filed in books, elise, food | | Comments (1)

Saturday, February 9, 2002

Cast Parties are always an experience that involve nearly as much drama as the show they are celebrating, and last night wasn’t an exception. What was an exception was that i didn’t drink; i’ve never drank at a winter show party, and decided to turn the trend into a tradition. It was interesting, if only because everyone finally got the point that i am really a fucking lunatic whether or not i’ve got a couple of drinks in me. There was simulated sex with multiple cast members. There was a contest to see who could grab the most genitalia, both male and female. There was me singing along and bopping around to the entire Immaculate Collection.


Oh, and i might have attempted to kiss someone.

When i’m drunk i flirt, but i’m usually doing it in a generic drunken way. Being sober, last night i was flirting with some amount of purpose. And, oddly enough, i was being flirted back at. I still don’t quite understand what was going on, personally, but apparently Laurel knows the whole story and will explain it to me before the show tonight.

See, i’m a stupid fucking lunatic who can’t even manage to lean in for a kiss whether i’m sober or trashed. Don’t you love the consistency?

Also filed in flirt, madonna, parties, theatre | | Comments (0)

Saturday, February 2, 2002

I’m not sure what came over me.

Okay, i’m actually quite sure of what came over me. I had been having a shitty depressing day and i didn’t want it to continue into a shitty night and possibly an altogether miserable weekend. I decided that a Best Friend was needed to salvage what was left of my evening, so i put in a phone call to Laurel.

What’s strange is that i don’t do this; i don’t call people up on a Friday night to see what they’re doing. If there’s a party i’ll be there, and if we’re all going out to eat i might show up, but i’m not really into the whole one-on-one hanging out scene. It’s like dating without the date. Or something. But, anyhow, tonight i really just needed to get out of the house, and Laurel was heading out to see a mutual acquaintance of ours play at the NorthStar, so off we went.

I had never been inside of NorthStar bar, because every time someone i want to see plays there it’s not an all ages show. Being an all ages show, tonight was heavy on the college crowd and what had to be a couple dozen fourteen-year-olds who were definitely more punk than i’ll ever be. I am, let’s face it, about as non-punk as it gets. Well, other than Laurel. Although, Laurel at least has boppy ska-grrl potential if we were to get her into a plaid skirt. I, on the other hand, looked like i got lost on the way to a very touching Emo concert; i self-consciously shoved my token studded bracelet into my pocket with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Laurel happened to be less punk than me precisely because of her bopping … she’s totally unembarrassed to dance around and have a good time, regardless of whether or not she’s fitting in with “the scene.” I, on the other hand, am definitely intimidated by scenes — so much so that i feel desperately out-of-place even at an Ani DiFranco concert (where i probably have as much scene credibility as anyone in the room who isn’t a lesbian). In light of this, i was of the more toe-tapping head-nodding persuasion until the last band came on and we pushed our way up to the front, at which point i actually exhibited some shoulder-movement and general rhythmic body-bopping. With much awkward self-consciousness, of course.

As embarrassment goes, we were definitely a distant second to the massive fist-fight that broke out when a Neanderthalic mosher crash landed too many times on a highly strung hard-core guy. Aside from the frightening part where i had to catch Laurel and ascertain that she hadn’t been struck with a ham-sized fist it was rather amusing; i’ve never been at a concert small enough that the performers stopped mid-song to admonish the moshers. But, anyway, it certainly drew attention away from our toddler-like dancing.

You know, i bet if they bopped more they’d be less violent.

Also filed in concerts, self-aware, stories | | Comments (0)

Friday, January 25, 2002

The other day in Public Relations we were talking about dealing with emergencies. The section was entitled: Crisis Management. I turned to Laurel and said “This is so cool! He’s going to talk about me.”


I definitely caught me teacher looking at my strangely as i headed each page in bold red letter with my personal spelling of crisis. I think he might speak the language that actually spells it that way. Did you know that the three attributes of a crisis are that it threatens central goals, involves short decision making time, and involves an element of surprise? It is a stage in which all future events will be determined. It is a situation that threatens the effective completion of high priority goals.

Sure, he was talking about the Exxon Valdez more than he was making veiled references to my personal life, but i still managed to take six pages of notes just in case any of it applied.

Also filed in Year 02, best of, college, comm | | Comments (0)

Wednesday, January 9, 2002

Two years.


Seven hundred and thirty one days, exactly.

Nearly right down to the minute.


It’s hard to say something important or unique about a song that comes up in nearly every conversational context possible. I’ve already described writing the lyrics, talked about the recording process, uploaded take after take of developmental recordings… and here i am two years later at a loss for what i’m supposed to be saying.


All i can say is that i’ve spent one tenth of my life living with “Under My Skin” … not only living with it as a song, but living with having written it and with why i wrote it. Living with the song is sometimes the hardest part; “Under My Skin” is easy to like, even for me, and i feel like it eclipses other songs that i’ve worked much harder on. Living with having written it isn’t so bad: at first it felt like a wall i had built to avoid having to express myself in any other way, but now it stands as an emotional landmark rather than a roadblock.


Living with the reason i wrote it is still strange. In the past I would agonize over it, asking myself “how do you kiss someone and then just let it go?” Now i know exactly how, because i’ve done it. It happens. I guess the real question i have is “After life crystallizes for one perfect moment, how do you go on living imperfectly?” I don’t really know the answer to that one, and i don’t expect to find it out any time soon. Sometimes that one moment i lived is almost like a fantasy in my head that never really happened, and sometimes it’s the only thing i can see. It is still both, and all the shades found in-between

“Under My Skin” became more than what i originally intended it to be when Laurel came into the studio to sing it with me last year. Ever since she willingly added her voice to mine i feel as though i don’t wholly own my words… they aren’t only mine anymore. Laurel’s voice singing them on Relief, and any other time i’ve caught her humming along, suddenly transforms “Under My Skin” from a song in the first person to a shared narrative — with its words and all that they are saying awkwardly shared between us both.


It doesn’t bring the moment back. Life doesn’t suddenly make sense the way television does. But, one moment that seemed so selfish and impossible when it first happened is now just a tiny seed that has sprouted into a flourishing garden of songs, friendships, and memories that will last me a lifetime.


And one very good song.

Also filed in Year 02, cultivation theory, songwriting, under my skin | | Comments (0)

Sunday, December 30, 2001

There’s a unnatural desert wind through the chill of my room every twelve minutes or so as the heater in Lindsay’s closet warms the house with its breath, and in the breeze that just passed a picture came fluttering down from my wall. I picked it up to affix it back to the wall by my door and saw that it was a picture Ross had just given me a few weeks ago – one of Laurel and I at my first Drexel party.

It was taken over two years ago.

Two years ago, and as i pressed my fingers against its shiny corners to cover up the bare rectangle of wall it had left in its wake all that i could was that life is a strange and mazelike thing. I thought about how i spent all that week decorating her house along with her roommates, namely Kate and Erika. Kate wound up moving away at the beginning of my Sophomore year, and then Laurel moved away for a while and Lindsay took her room. I moved into a different house with with Lindsay and Erika this September, and Kate just came to stay with us for the remainder of the holidays.

Two years ago, and i only wound up at their house so much in the first place because i got into the play that four of them were starring in, and i was only there decorating so often because i developing a crush on Laurel, and i only went back last year to hang out with Lindsay, which brought me back into their social circle again. And now i am friends with Laurel, and her boyfriend from back then was just in my living room, and Kate is staying here for New Years, and life doesn’t seem to do anything but endlessly coil and snake around itself anymore.

Also filed in college, erika, lindsay, self image | | Comments (0)

Thursday, December 13, 2001

We were on the highway last night before ten. Melon was telling me about her ex-roommate from hell but i found myself increasingly distracted by the fog — everything outside was drizzle and fog. We were coming back to Philly, and on the driver’s side of the car past the divider all there was to see was fog and diffuse white light bleeding down from the poles above — as if the road were suspended hundreds of feet in the air with nothing on either side of it.

The three of us were driving into sky, and i was tucked into the back seat, back to listening to Melon, thinking “it’s not so bad after all.”

Also filed in driving | | Comments (0)

Thursday, November 8, 2001

I feel like… i don’t know, Third Rock From the Sun? Do you remember at the very beginning of the show when the four of them didn’t understand anything at all? … Taking coats at parties, kissing, slapping, cheerleaders, and breasts? Lately when i go back and look at the archives i just feel like a visitor in the shape of me trying to emulate the behavior i’m supposed to be representing. Is that circular enough for you? The change happened somewhere around when co-op began, because you can tell the difference between the computer being a constant companion and just something to stare at in-between doing things. And then i started doing a few things and talking about them, instead of just talking about not doing anything. And now i do things all the time and have nothing to talk about afterwards.

What’s so interesting about my life, really? Obviously i do things… last night i went to the movies, i can talk about that. I walked to the movie theatre, which is three blocks from my house. In the lobby Laurel was waiting for me (along with her roommate and Jeff (as if i went on a date with Laurel and didn’t mention it (obviously i only mention Laurel because you know who she is at this point))). She asked if i had gotten my haircut and i responded “Not for almost a month.” We saw Monsters INC, which involved a lot of giggling. Afterwards i bought some sushi and talked about X-Men with Erika, who was reading Carrie.

So, there’s two main theories of journaling that i can discern. The one is that obviously my night was pretty freakin’ boring when it comes to reading about it, so i should either talk about something else or learn to do more interesting things. The other is that it doesn’t matter what i’m doing, just so long as i put my own spin on it people will care about reading. I’m not sure which of the two i subscribe to, but my first journaling connection online was the ever-present Gus, who resides wholly in the second school of thought. Gus basically just writes one post a day, each and every single day, and he weaves it all together so that you’re not only interested in what he has to say, but you honestly want to know what he’s doing with himself. Frankly, Gus is one of the only people who employs this technique who i enjoy, the others being Alison and Meg, though they use their narrative voice a little more pervasively.



The way last year had been going for me, i just merrily trolled along with my own script of things to say and would talk about parties and things if and when i went to them because they were typically unusual and exciting. But, at this point, going to a party is like “wow, another party. i wonder who’ll hook up tonight?”, and afterwards i’m always tearing out my hair thinking “how can i tell an interesting story about that lapdance…?” So, now i have a daily existence and i suppose my big question is whether i’m supposed to talk about it, or me, or some other nebulous thing — because back in the day i was talking about my life, but it was a lack of a life, so it was just me talk about me.

Wow, now i’m dizzy. Tell you what… you sit and stare at the screen for an hour thinking about what i’ll write next, and i’ll go get some ice cream. Cool? Cool.

Also filed in comics, erika, flicks, meta, parties, self-aware, teevee | | Comments (0)

Wednesday, October 31, 2001

After spending so long implicitly pushing so many different people away in so many different ways, it’s strange to slowly get back to having anyone i’d consider a “best friend,” but somehow it’s happening with the most unlikely of people. You only get the chance to be someone’s best friend if you see them enough to get past all the petty catching-up-with-each-other bullshit enough times so that whenever you go back to that it actually means something, and that’s a phenomenon i unusually only experience with Gina.

God, could i be any less literate today? Excuse me while i go take an hour long essay test…

Also filed in gina | | Comments (0)

Tuesday, October 2, 2001

Somewhere in my Communications Theory book it says something to the effect of art introduces a new or original way of looking at life. Right.


I have been having some fussy bitchy unjustified issues with Laurel lately. Don’t ask me why, because there is no why; any issue i ever have with Laurel exists entirely inside of my own head. But, anyway, the first day she got back i just got this vibe from her that Laurel Had Returned and that i had gotten shuffled way down to the bottom of the deck from where i had been before she left. And, why not? Laurel is the pretty one, the talented one, the intelligent one, the castable one. Of course, i never saw it that way at first; all i knew was that i had a dream where we kissed and that it didn’t seem like such an awful idea.

Two years later, the situation is more tangled in my head, and who knows what the situation is like in hers. Tonight when we started talking in our production class all the petty resentment i was starting to build quickly faded out because face to face there was nothing… only things i had created and surmised.

Before tonight’s round of auditions Laurel gave me a ride to my house, and while we were there i played her some songs … two she already knew and three i wrote while she was away. Sometimes i question whether or not anything i do is vaguely artistic by anyone’s definition let alone by the one i mentioned at the top of the post, and today while i was playing songs for Laurel i was playing all my usual games … glancing up and away, shutting my eyes, carefully watching my picking even though i surely know the patterns tried and true. When i inevitably got to “Under My Skin,” Laurel sang along just like she did on the demo recording, and looking at her she was really meaning something when she was singing the words… not just intonations and syllables, but something beyond. I’m not sure if she’s even applying the lyrics to the same time and place that i wrote them about, but suddenly they have life and meaning for her, and according to my communications book that’s one tangible step closer to art.

Also filed in comm, songwriting, theatre, under my skin | | Comments (0)

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

The first day of fall on a college campus is always a memorable experience… yesterday was that in two respects: the first day of Fall while on campus, and the first day of Fall term. Freshmen were everywhere, lines for food and books were long, and i spotted nearly a hundred people i haven’t seen in months (and lamented easily another hundred that i didn’t see). I ran into Gina with former roommate Michelle and walked them to the bookstore where i had a sighting of Laurel and Ben before i was distracted by Kathe who was eventually joined by Selina, but then i had class with Karen and afterwards ran into Matt A. before headed back to class, this time with Gina. And, that was only in the span of an hour.

Sometimes you anticipate your relationships to all of these people changing, and sometimes you expect them to stay the same. Or, at least, i do. I’ve been finding out that sometimes i’m right and sometimes i’m not – sometimes in cases i didn’t really expect. Who knew that one biting comment from one of my favourite friends would leave me seething and writing a nasty song about them on the first day of having them back in my life? Who knew that someone i generally despise would put a broad smile on my face while i was walking around aimlessly? Who knew that people would change so much, or stay so much the same?

I haven’t really thought about my ‘blogging schedule’ … last year i took alternate weekdays off. Today i am headed to International Business Law, Critical Reasoning, Basic Production, and Communication Theory. We’ll see how i feel about blogging after all of that.

Also filed in college, gina, moving, q.o.d., songwriting | | Comments (0)

Thursday, June 28, 2001

Today was the slowest and most intensly boring day of my life and i got nothing done. Nothing. Not a single iota. Blah. I’ve been sitting here for hours doing nothing and wondering about what i could be doing, but that amounted to just doing laundry, and i wasn’t too pleased about that. Of course, i won’t be too pleased if i have to go commando tomorrow for lack of clean underwear, but i’ll burn that bridge while attempting to cross it (and i’m sure that the burning process will involve an automatic hand-dryer on the 2nd floor of the main building the men’s room and a very wet pair of underwear. but, seriously, i have underwear for tomorrow, so don’t worry).

By the way, i’ve whored out all of my musical opinions to other places, but that can’t stop me from telling you that the Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs: Vol. 1 is the most totally confusing, unexpected, and utterly perfect album i own. And, i don’t even really need the whole thing, just 2/3 of it. Even more frighteningly, Rabi and several other credible witnesses claim Vol. 3 is the one that will change my life, and i don’t think i’m ready for any further alterations at this point so i’m sticking with Vol. 1 with some occasional flirtations with Vol. 2 (kisses without any tongue, at the most…).


Incidentally, 69 and the eclecticism therein was one of the main inspirations for 25/24… not that i’m going to be eclectic in any way shape or form, but i’d like to think i’m capable of it. And there might be a surprise or two in there somewhere. But, yes, i just realized i have a whole album of new songs and i’m making an unalbum with them. You’ve heard them all mentioned here at one time or another save for the first and last songs, “Atlas Girl” and “Necessary Evil.” The latter i wrote last week and fell instantly in adoration with, and i debuted it to my happy little mailing list to absolutely zero reaction. Yay for happy little captive mailing lists that don’t talk back unless you tell them they should probably talk back. Meanwhile. “Atlas” was a song i wrote for Gina (and i don’t know if i mean that i wrote it for her to sing or if i wrote it for her, but it’s definitely one or the other) the first week we were living at Drexel and it’s pretty and simple and i haven’t played it for well over a year and a half or even thought of it and when i saw it on Saturday i knew that it was a good thing i had saved it. Simple and pretty wouldn’t have stood up to the Crashing/UMS combo i had going a little later that year, but it fits in nicely right now.

Rambling on into the sunset we go. I wrote a song in my head while walking home today but scrapped it because it was clearly a pop song because i could hear its tinny little drum machine percolating in my head. I have written 125 songs that i am willing to count as songs, and that leaves quite a few tinny misfires. And it’s been four years? I wonder if i’ll even know the (three) chords to Under My Skin in four years? I’m sure i’ll have had a wonderful devestating crush to replace UMS by then, though.

Ha, devestating crushes. Teri off at boot camp where i can only send her flat little packages, Laurel in Belfast where she doesn’t like me any more than when she’s here in Philly, and some other people. Bleh. At least they make me write songs… as if i have these girls walking back and forth in my brain in a terrible parody of Herman’s Head and every so often they dislodge a tiny idea just like when you unwedge the water from your ears after a particularly long swim. Songs have been like that lately… falling out of my mouth as if i had just swallowed them by accident and now i’m coughing them up again. Ahh… songs as hairballs… there’s an image to stick with you.

I obviously need to go to sleep, but first i will listen to the romantic masterpieces known as “Let’s Pretend We’re Bunny Rabbits” and “Fido, Your Leash is Too Long.” Love songs aren’t so horrible when they’re vaguely bestial, i suppose. And, after all, nibbling on your ears and doing what bunnies do isn’t the most unromantic suggestion in my entire music collection.

Wow, i needs me some sleepies. night.

Also filed in day in the life, gina, reviews, songwriting, thoughts | | Comments (0)

Thursday, April 26, 2001

I wrote a letter today, and sent it. I can’t remember the last time i did that. I sortof feel like every time i go somewhere other than here to write that i’m failing in my attempt to broadcast my life 24/7 to the boundless ends of cyberspace, and that one day i’ll want to look back at something and it won’t be here. But, i can’t always manage to have all the people i want to talk to read this page, and sometimes they aren’t even on the internet. And, sometimes it’s better to just have a memory rather than a written transcript, memories are much more flexible. So, i wrote a letter. I’d type it in just so you’d have something to read, but it’s really not about anything except being friends. I think we’ll just leave that one in the envelope where it belongs.

Also filed in Year 01, bloggish, memories, ocd | | Comments (0)

Saturday, April 14, 2001

I started playing “Hold on Me” and Selina walked into the shop halfway through the first verse. Have you ever played a song written about your ex-girlfriend while you still really liked her in the same room with her after the breakup? Well… you’d think it’d be really fun, but really it was an exercise in subtly changing lyrics to reflect the current situation, and keeping your eyes pressed shut tightly so you don’t have to look at her. After i launched immediately into “Splinter” Selina eventually left the shop, and Gina got me to lay off the mean relationship songs. However, we then played “Under My Skin” again and i performed the “i don’t miss you anymore” extended mix (much to Gina’s confusion and delight). The first time i ever sang the song in this fashion was to Selina when we first started seeing each other, and the “miss you anymore” was my way of telling myself i finally was over Laurel. The demo version is much more conflicted at that point of the song, because it was physically sung to Laurel, who i was over but still very pleased to serenade. The version last night brought me full circle back to sitting in Selina’s dorm room with my guitar, pouring out my heart to her. It was empty for a while, but i hear refills are free.

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Monday, April 9, 2001

Do all incredibly cute blonde girls get nicknamed Tink? I only ask because, my (cute blonde) co-worker Trish says she’s never heard anything of the like, but Laurel had an email address with ‘Tink’ in it too… any thoughts on this little conundrum?

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Friday, March 30, 2001

Oh well, off to get smashed at (only) my fourth player’s party this year… although, in retrospect, player’s parties haven’t exactly been the best thing for me this term. Well… not the worst thing either, but god knows lots of drama always ensues. Party(1) was the second night in my weeks long unbroken string of seeing Selina, and the party where we infamously switched clothes and then disappeared back into a bathroom for an indefinite period of time (all of which was spent talking. No, really). Party(2) was the one where i had pneumonia and wasn’t allowed to drink anything, and I was chewed out by her the next day for my attending sans her despite her being much sicker than i was at the time. Party(3) was a week later: Laurel’s going away party the night we broke up. That was interesting. I think it’s the only time i ever even contemplated drinking destructively, but when i got past my fourth one i realized how aimless the whole idea was and just had one more.


It just ocurred to me that Selina might be so interested in using Laurel as a weapon against me in fights because i talk about her so much on here. I don’t think anyone really understands that (for me) blog is to life as the x-men cartoon was to the comic book: abridged, simplfied, and at times altogether rewritten. Anyhow, I couldn’t very well talk about how much time i spent in her bed (most of which was spent talking. No, really), could i?

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Saturday, March 24, 2001

Isn’t it funny what dreams can reveal to you? As much as they’re random and they shift scene and story wildly from one moment to the next, sometimes you find out things about yourself you were never really sure of. Because, you can repress something you’re feeling all of the day, but that whole time it’s living in your unconscious and awaiting its escape at night. I suppose that’s how i sometimes get work done in my sleep; if i’ve been worrying enough about writing a paper during the day at some point in my dreams i start writing an outline. But, i wasn’t really talking about academia.

I didn’t have the slightest hint of a crush on Laurel until i dreamt about her. One night she was at the center of my dream, smiling and perfect, and in the dream i wanted nothing more than for her to like me … and when i woke up the next morning i started to feel the same way. Did the dream decide on my crush for me, or did i already know how i felt and the dream just opened it up? We all know about the historic proportions the crush took on after it conception, so obviously my dream was right on some level… but which?

I had some revealing dreams last night that told me just where my priorities lie, and i think i was a bit surprised by them. Plot motivation, or reflection of the inner soul? Hard to decide when you don’t even know what’s going on when you’re awake. And god knows i never do…

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Monday, March 19, 2001

With the aid of the intrepid Bill Hull today in the recording studio, i complete not one, not two, but half the vocal/guitar tracks for my newest demo cd. Towards the end of the session we recording “Angel,” “Lost,” and special guest-star “Bridge” all in a row with a single retake on the former two just to be safe. However, the highlight (as well as the major time-consuming task) of the day was “Under My Skin.”

Bill had heard “ums” enough to have an idea of what i wanted to do with it, and we agreed that we needed to get the basic guitar track down first because anything else in the song would be based around the nearly-random guitar solos i’d invent while playing. I think we made an attempt at getting the basic tracks for an entire hour, and nothing would work. Even when i could get through an entire take the song just didn’t ring true. Suddenly, into the studio popped Laurel, who came to hang out at Bill’s request. Bill and I idly chatted with Laurel for a few minutes while cuing up a tape, and then i launched into the song once again. There was a moment in the beginning where i almost aborted the take because i did a line very late (which came back to bite me in the ass when we overdubbed background vocals), but i hung in and finished; i don’t know if it was because i had an “audience,” or if it was because the audience happened to be the girl who the song was written about, but everything clicked. When we listened back to the track, Bill turned to me and said “we’ve got to keep these vocals; you’re really feeling these words.” And i, of course, agreed.

Then the fun began: it took thirty minutes (at least) to lay down a bass track after i fumbled twice during the solo. While i was playing bass, Bill kept gesturing to Laurel, who was quietly singing along from her seat. With much maneuvering (much to my delight as i continued to play), he got a mic in front of Laurel so we could hear what she was singing. As we finished the bass i turned to Laurel and said: “You’re next.” So, with much coaxing and with me singing along kareokee style in my own mic, Laurel and i made a few passes at the song in harmony (yielding some really scary bits where there’s two of me singing the wrong thing to each other), and then Bill and i left Laurel to her own devices to add a last vocal track onto the song. At this point the three of us had heard about as much of “Under My Skin” as we cared to in any given day, and so we put it aside and moved onto the other things mentioned above.


Tons of fun. “Never Say Goodbye” and “Crashing” will be valiantly attempted at some point tomorrow (as well as the equally intimidating “Relief“). Audio of “Under My Skin” by this weekend’s Trio. Awww yeah.

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Friday, March 16, 2001

I literally ran into Laurel in the middle of the street the other day, and we talked for a while (after removing ourselves from the traffic flow). I don’t know about what. She said that i’ve come out of my shell (i made sure to clarify that “shell” didn’t have anything to do with “closet,” and she assured me that everyone was quite sure i was still inside of that), and while i first i was a little offended (Did she mean to imply i was some sort of corner-lurking little dweeb? I mean… moreso than i actually am?) as the conversation ebbed and flowed i saw that i really didn’t seem like the same person i was a few months ago. One of my other theatre friends recently commented that she couldn’t have lived with “the me from last year,” but she could definitely live with me now.


I feel like i should spend time staring in the mirror after comments like these to try to see what’s different, but i think that’s something the old-me would do. Maybe the new me isn’t such an obvious narcissist…

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Tuesday, March 13, 2001

It’s funny, because we do sorta resemble 90210. Gina, Joey, Justin, Matt, and I (and Ariel just down the street at Penn). We all were friends throughout highschool, and we all unwittingly wound up at the same college. Some characters left the ensemble, and a few new ones joined. Matt fell away from the core cast but then roommate Matt was brought in as a replacement. The plots suddenly stopped just being about the four of us and expanded to include a cast of new characters with new quirks and problems that were never even touched on in highschool. Now Justin has decided to leave the show, and he’s being written out at the end of the season by transferring to another school. I don’t know how we’re ever going to find a replacement for him. And, we had finally signed a girl to play opposite of me who had the right chemistry, but she’s going on hiatus for a few weeks as the end of her plot gets worked out. And, for sweeps week we’re sending the beloved Laurel away to Europe so that all those Neilson bastards will shed a tear. And my character is still as charmed as ever, even after miserably failing half of his classes this semester. Because, some things always stay the same.

90210 had to end eventually, though, even after they managed to bring back some old favourites. It really hurt to see it go for a lot of viewers, because the show kept on evolving but all of the characters stayed the same despite years and years of experience. But, i never really liked that show. I bet the last episode would’ve gotten a tear out of me, though.

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Friday, March 9, 2001

Well, this’ll give you something to stew over for the night, won’t it? I’m showering and then it’s off the the fairwell party, where nearly everyone i know at Drexel will be. So… it’s a safe place – lots of people who really care about me and my welfare. I promise to check back in when i wake up in the morning with details of all the incredibly stupid things i’m bound to do tonight. … well…i already did the stupidest one already, so it can only get better from here.

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