I hate the fucking theatre. I should have trusted my first instinct and stayed away from this play. I should always trust my first instincts, and i seldom do. I did this play not because i wanted to act, but because i would get a chance to play guitar on stage and sing. Singing was secondary to the arrangement of my own song and singing it to my own accompaniment, and i just had that taken away from me. One week before the show and the director decided the song wasn’t “working” with the guitar, so he brought in a pianist. I have never in my life had to sing for/with a pianist before, i don’t know the song for the rhythm of the piano arrangement, and i hate theatre. And it’s got to work in the next 9 days because then the show opens. Except, i don’t care. The minute my director told me to put down my guitar, however apologetic he might have sounded, he flicked a switch in my brain from on to off. On was enjoying the show, coming to rehearsal ready to try new things, practicing my song every day on my own time so it would sound good that night. I have none of that now, and it might seem unprofessional, but isn’t it a bit more unprofessional to totally change my song leaving me only a week to learn it again? Yeah, i thought so too…
Eek, i think the hummus was spoilt! My stomach is hating me with a passion right now, and i’m about to spend five hours under some pretty hot stage lights with nary a chance for a bathroom break. Ugh… the gods of blog must be getting revenge on me for something.
My entire life, according to Death Cab for Cutie:
Brant, i know what you mean when you talk about friends and acquaintances and how to tell the difference between them. Sometimes it’s hard to keep a perspective on what’s happening outside of yourself – like the disorientation you feel when you play a first-person shooter game from the camera angle that floats behind your own head. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from what you’ve got stewing inside and view your friendships from the outside, because then you realize how good some of your “acquaintances” really are for you. It’s not their fault that you can’t share all of your private life with them, and you need to accept them on the terms of what they do know and love about you rather than what they don’t. I went through a miserable and lonely couple of months last year when i decided that i didn’t have any real friends, until one of my real friends pointed out to me that it’s not her fault that i won’t share anything personal with her.
Of course, if we would share personal things with our friends, would we need the internet anymore :p
I’m sitting here with a bag of frozen white bread and a tub of hummus that i accidentally stole from my girlfriend’s roommate two weeks ago snacking away while my ftp server mysteriously blinks in and out of existence. To get the white bread defrosted enough so that it’s not similar to eating cardboard i’ve got to hold it close to my mouth and breathe into it slowly, feeling the frost evaporate onto my fingers on the other side as my snack gets soft and flexible like it’s meant to be. I’m not sure if you’re actually reading this at this point because of my FTP issues, and that surely explains the lack of a new Trio despite my obviously having new material to work with.
The play goes up next week … 10 days from now. That’s scary. I mean, i can track my entire experience with the play through this log and it just doesn’t seem long or substantial enough. Not so long ago in the archives i was contemplating whether or not i should audition and now i’m contemplating if enough my extended family are going to want seat to gets a group discount. Maybe it’s because i haven’t had such a large role since high school, where we’d rehearse from January to nearly the end of March every single day, that i feel so grossly underprepared for this show; i don’t know my lines well enough, i don’t sing my song well enough, and i’m still finding my character. Of course, none of that really matters when i’m on stage, because somehow i just make it all work. I’m looking into getting some digital video to post to the page, so… we’ll see. I’m off to munch more hummus and rehearse for my rehearsal; take care of yourselves.
more new drafting! This one sucks more than the last one, though…
i've got a splinter it's a piece of you and you've got some wishes that will never come true i won't be your band-aid i won't cover up your wounds and all of those promises that we made we made them too soon i've got a splinter it's a piece of you and all of your wishes, they will never come true and you're like an anchor 'cause you're holding me down and i want a tidal wave to sweep me off the ground i've got a splinter it's a piece of you and you've got some wishes that will never come true you keep telling me that you're so much deeper and i'm starting to wonder if you're all i need i've got a splinter it's a piece of you and you're stuck under my skin i don't know what to do and i've got a splinter it's a piece of you and you've got some wishes but i know they'll never come true