I wish i had a webcam so i could be giving everyone the finger right now.
by krisis
Archives for January 2001
One of the aforementioned sudden flirtations comes from a girl who is an absolute doppleganger of Anastasia, who (if you recall) i was madly in love with for my last year and a half of high school. Of course, now i can’t do anything about it at all because i’d be a lousy cheating bastard, but what really gets me is that i have my stage managers heckling me the whole time i’m talking to the girl, as if i’m gonna lean in and start necking with her. I have my own damned conscience to deal with!, i don’t need anyone else’s. I swear… people just don’t get me at all.
Ha! I write about hickeys and my friends flood me with messages asking about this new love interest of mine. Nice, guys, very classy (in the way that voyeurism is classy) Do you really want to hear about my life? I think you must, since you snap up all the juicy bits. Here’s one to mull over: did i ever mention how i don’t feel like i have any friends? I mean… i have a few close ones that i value greatly, but for the most part all of the people i call friends are just people i generally associate with or have something random in common with me. Most of them don’t really know anything about me, like my bouts with anorexia, or how i’m convinced i’m bi-polar, or about my small cancer scare. Why? Because i never told them, because i don’t feel like i have that kind of connection to them. Or maybe i just made all of that shit up. Of course i mention it here and suddenly they’re all crawling down my throat trying to find out what’s happening.
Wow, i can be a bit harsh, can’t i? Oh well … this is my life … either take the heat or melt.
So, erm, yeah. I want to drop out of school. They aren’t teaching me anything, and when i look at my course outline i don’t see myself learning very much in the future. Maybe this means i’m supposed to change my major, or transfer to a school with a credible journalism program? I’m just so tired… i went through all this college bullshit once and none of the good places accepted me so i wound up getting my nearly straight A’s here rather than anywhere i actually wanted to go. So, now i’m tied down to the people and the campus but not to the university or the program, and with every week that passes my outlook on the future gets more and more bleak. So, now i’m barely going to my classes and hating every second of it and yet i have to do my work so everything else around me suffers, including this and theatre and battle of the bands and all the rest. I want to just be a journalist, and the funny thing is, i probably won’t even be one after i graduate.
life sucks.
So, yeah, um… isn’t it interesting how suddenly all these cute girls who’d normally never give me the time of day are flirting with me? I mean… it isn’t like i’m any more attractive than i was two weeks ago, so unless i’m suddenly putting off pheromones (and strong ones, at that), i really don’t see why these people are flirting with me. It isn’t fair! I mean… obviously it feels very nice to be paid attention to, but they’ve picked the one time in my life i can’t flirt back. Argh! Women.