I don’t necessarily think of myself as “smart,” but the evidence often points in that direction.
When I was very young I was always bright. Good grades were effortless, and thanks to that over-achievement I attended one of the best public middle- and high schools in the state (and the country).
It was a shock to my system: my peers weren’t just peers in age, but in intelligence. I was no longer the smart one, just a smart one. I increasingly saw myself in the middle of the hyper-intelligent pack figuratively and, in class rank, it became literal.
College was that shock in reverse – i was no longer surrounded by a crowd of smart.
It took some time to adjust to being above-average again. I expected to still commiserate about having a hard time and getting average grades, because that was who I accustomed to being.
In retrospect, as my confidence and ability increased so did my aloofness as a student – i eschewed or altogether ignored classmates in an effort to insulate my ability to be right without feeling guilty. In a way it was like returning to grade school, where I had free reign to wield my smarts with no regrets.
I have been dismayed to learn that in a post-collegiate world the insulation of isolation just doesn’t work; you don’t get anywhere by eschewing possible connections or alienating co-workers with your know-it-allness.
That’s the curse of smart – everyone respects your intelligence until you are a peer or, worse, a competitor, and suddenly “smart” is a derogative term, and you are left scrambling to cover it up.
As a result, I often find myself feigning misunderstanding or painting myself as a little bit bumbling … handicapping my A-Game just to fit in to this so-called “real world,” and living in constant fear that the facade is starting to stick.
Is that the line that separates smart drones from smart successes? Am i supposed to stop caring about people, and start caring about being right?
I guess i’m just not smart enough to understand.
Mit_Moi says
Fitting in sucks. Being mocked for being smart sucks. “Dumbing down” …. don’t do it, you’ll begin to think YOU suck. It’s not like they’re going to appreciate it anyway … (says she who sits with a book at lunch and doesn’t go on the group lunches)
Wendy says
Everyone has their specialty, even dumb people (especially dumb people) and it’s a really smart move to make friends with people across the board at least at work.
I agree that you shouldn’t dumb it down. Shine, baby shine. Maybe you could use fake humility to take the edge off of other social situations but work is not the place, I think you’ll find more respect (and friends) when you start using your talents without shame.