RuPaul’s Drag Race Power Rankings, S09E04 – “Good Morning Bitches”

This week of RuPaul’s Drag Race felt like a bit of a letdown after last week, despite a pretty lively challenge.

That’s not entirely the fault of the final Lip Sync, which saw British queen Charlie Hides completely give up any chance to save her spot in the show with an already-defeated lip sync.

Part of the problem was also a stilted edit, which gave us only little time with one of the two morning show teams. A basic Naughty Nighty runway theme flew by.

The queens tackled the central challenge with aplomb, hosting a live morning show filled with back-and-forth repartee and little room for error. The show-within-a-show laid bare one of Drag Race‘s big weaknesses – their silly scripted challenges. All eight of the queens who had to adhere to a stricter script were duds, and one of the teams was sandbagged with a dour set of scripted anchor personalities. Meanwhile, all four queens allowed to sass up their cooking and DIY segments were a hilarious success.

I’ve got Drag Race‘s writers in the bottom of the rankings this week, but the top of the race is getting thrilling. Three queens seem to be getting comfortable at the top of the ranks, while two contenders are losing steam again a newly risen queen suddenly back in contention.

Want to know who’s who in that assessment? Keep reading!

1. Shea Couleé

Average: 3; was 6, 1, 3

Shea Couleé was set to slay this week with a hilarious Good Morning, Bitches performance and a lovely Naughty Nighty runway that evoked “Express Yourself” Madonna.

Coming from a strong week into a week where she’s the challenge winner, there’s no question that Shea has the most momentum of the cast right now. We also haven’t seen any specific weakness from her yet, aside from her Gaga dress, and she’s garnering lots of screen time.

It would take a totally dismal showing from Shea to knock her from the “expected for the finals” top ranks at this point.

2. Valentina

Average 3; was 7, 2, 1

Valentina slips down the rankings by a single spot this week despite a solid performance as one of the entertainment reporters and a decent nighty look on the runway, even if her wig looked a big cheap and glossy.

From the past two challenges it’s pretty obvious that Valentina is not going to be felled by a performance challenge, but she’s starting to display a tendency to go for high-end off-the-rack looks in her runways. When you have Shea and Trinity willing to deliver totally bizarre looks, plus seamstresses like Peppermint and makeup artists like Nina, being the safe, fashionable girl might eventually be a weakness.

Still, it’s clear a spot in the top remains Valentina’s to lose.

3. Trinity Taylor

Average: 6; was 11, 6, 2

Despite winding up in the bottom two this week, Trinity only falls one spot in our rankings. Perversely, the bottom showing seem to lock her in for a top spot as she delivered a tactically strong performance.

Trinity’s failure as a leader probably wasn’t in her dictatorship, but in trusting too much. Her first picks of Peppermint and Charlie are consistent with assembling a group of mature queens who weren’t likely to be loose cannons, but going for Cynthia over the studied Alexis feels like an error. Similarly, assigning roles to remove any potential bickering was smart, and she nailing her casting, but she left the groups too much to their own devices.

Why was she in the bottom two? It’s entirely down to being a team leader who owned up to her error. Her Naughty Nighty was definitely in the Top 3 of all the looks. I cannot say enough about her face and hair. She literally looks identical to actual women that I know in real life. The resemblance is uncanny. Meanwhile, she was stiff as a lead anchor with a thankless script, but Peppermint was also weak in the challenge and perhaps worst of all the queens on the runway. Yet, Trinity owned up to her errors, and so she hit the bottom – delivering a spectacular lip sync that ignored Charlie giving up the fight.

(And, not for nothing, she had one of Drag Race’s best telling-offs of all time as she repeatedly shut down an obnoxious (if a little bit right) Eureka in Untucked.)

In sum, we have an assertive, gorgeous queen who brings fantastic fashion and can turn a lip sync. More importantly, she’s a pageant queen who doesn’t neatly snap into any mold we’ve seen before – a self-aware, mature, control freak. It’s like she has all the best qualities of Phi Phi, Roxxxy, and Alyssa with virtually none of the downsides.

4. Sasha Velour

Average: 6; was 3, 8, 8

Sasha Velour rebounds to the top half of the ranking! She finally came through with a standout performance – her food segment hijinks topped all of the queens in both morning shows, and her attractive and an altogether different boudoir corset look was amongst the best and most on-theme of the week.

Yet, what was most memorable about her in this episode may have been her exchange with Eureka about eating disorders. Or, at least, she attempted an exchange. While trying to engage with Eureka and even offering her own apology, Sasha was a consummate professional to Eureka’s flaming garbage fire. (All while, once again, showing the utter perfection of her base coat of make-up).

The seemingly boastful art-house queen of week one is becoming a faded memory as we see more of this incredibly clever, entirely likable competitor. She’s not a Max, Thorgy, or Acid Betty like I originally thought. Now we need to see her deliver several more strong weeks in a row to put some distance between herself and the rest of the girls and we’ll have a very interesting top four on our hands.

5. Nina Bo’nina Brown

Average: 4; was 1, 3, 7

Nina showed off her outspoken and comedic side in her morning show segment, easily holding her own against the outsized personality of Eureka.

She was puzzling on the runway. Not only was her Naughty Nighty look more of a topless streetwalker, but instead of delivering lovely make-up to sell the sultry look she went with something a little more “day of the dead.” Yikes. Then, totally in opposition to her bad bitch runway presentation, she starting bawling for no reason before her critiques even arrived!

Michelle is right to call into question if Nina has the mental toughness to last through this competition, to which I’d add I wonder if she has the ability to recognize when it’s the right time to just deliver prettiness instead of gag-worthy cosplay.

I still have Nina just outside the strong top group, because if that realization snaps into place she’s going to be unstoppable. However, I’m really despairing that we’re going to get another Chi Chi edit where she realizes her power a little too late in the game.

6. Peppermint

Average 4; was 2, 3, 5

I’m gonna be totally real with you here: Peppermint is an amazing queen with all of the powers to effortlessly win this season, but not the taste level. If we were seeing better runways from her, I’d have her at #2.

There’s really not much to add beyond that. She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, and she’s talented. She has charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. Her flub in the morning show barely mattered because she was so charming as she recovered.

Yet, her runways just are not there, which is why in my personal rankings I evaluation CUFNT – not just so I don’t have to spell the C-word, but because you cannot win RuPaul’s Drag Race without Fashion. Even Peppermint’s best look so far – last week’s princess dress – was tinged with a little bit of ugly.

I love this girl, but unless she’s got some kind of major shocker saved up in her suitcase she’s not going to make it to the finals.

7. Eureka

Average 5; was 4, 5, 4

Eureka was strong in this episode, but between her clashes with other girls and signs that her cheerleading injury is starting to get to her I think her expiration date may be in sight.

Eureka was one of the most memorable challenge performances with her DIY segment hostess – if winning the challenge hadn’t been restricted to the top group she might have been in the running. Her Naughty Nighty was a bit on the dominatrix side, but it still read as boudoir-wear. Not a total fail.

Last week I commented that Eureka’s performance is barely different from Valentina’s, and that’s true again this week. I don’t see her making any major unforced errors in a challenge, but after seeing her limp on the runway and sit in the background during the lip sync, it’s pretty clear she’s going to be limited in any challenge that involves strutting or dancing.

That’s a major handicap to overcome. While she might have a little bit more momentum than the girls below her on the list, every one of them is primed to take her out in a lip sync (and, certainly everyone above her is as well). Eureka’s days are numbered.

8. Alexis Michelle

Average: 7; was 5, 7, 6

Another week has passed and Alexis Michelle has yet to break out of her wallpaper edit, which is identical to Mrs. Kasha Davis’s treatment on Season 7.

This is an example where the editing is dictating the ranking more than a queen’s performance. Alexis was more than competent as a morning show anchor, and her nighty was among the top looks on the runway. Yet, the show seems to be favorite just about every queen other than her when it comes to showing positive qualities.

Alexis is a strong enough all-around performer to make it through a few more challenges, and her suitcase of fashion seems significantly stronger than what’s been packed by the other girls. Could it be she’s not showing up significantly on-screen because the show is trying to develop the personalities of some of the girls getting the early boot, and we’ll see more of Alexis in a week or two after things thin out?

Maybe, but nothing about Alexis is screaming “winner” right now. She needs a standout week like Sasha had this week to convince me of her longevity. Otherwise, her A-student demeanor might prove to be her downfall – as we saw hints of last week in the princess challenge.

9. Cynthia Lee Fontaine

Average: 9; was 8, 9, 9

Cynthia maintains in this week’s rankings because nothing about her performance has especially changed.

Cynthia joked about making it past her cursed week three in this year’s competition. She also proved why I had so much faith in her last year, delivering a wonderful blend of script and ad-lib in her cuckoo Cucu entertain-t-ment reporter. On the runway, she delivered another somewhat basic look as a Victoria’s Secret angel.

The problem is that we’ve seen Latina queens in this silly, say-anything mold before, and even with some of them having legendary fashion (Yara Sofia, especially), none have ever cracked the top three. I don’t think Cynthia has the It-Factor or the closet of those past girls, nor the compelling arc of the girls above her on this list.

I think she’s going to fight her way to a very respectable middle position in the race – probably overtaking at least one queen above her in the rankings – but there’s not a win in her future.

10. Aja

Average 10; was 9, 11, 10

Aja surprising me many times over this week, but it wasn’t enough to move her up the ranks.

First, she deliberately went against the grain by choosing Valentina for her challenge team and deciding to work one-on-one with her for their entertainment segment. Then, in the actual segment, she managed to be a funny mess whenever she flubbed one of her lines.

Even better, her makeup was gorgeous on the runway! She went from clownish over the top makeup to a finely-sculpted nose, glossy red lips, and eyes we could actually see.

Aja might be the queen who grows the most from her time on Drag Race this year, but I don’t see her excelling in upcoming challenges like singing or Snatch Game, and her manic lip sync energy is no a known quantity to the other queens.

11. Farrah Moan

Average 11; was 10, 12, 12

Farah Moan was solid this week in a scripted challenge (redeeming her sleepy blowfish from last week) and looked lovely and girlish in a bubble gum nighty.

Yet, she was also virtually invisible throughout the episode outside of the challenge and again came off as meek in Untucked. There’s really nothing else to even say about her!

There’s the chance that Farrah will hit a few challenges that go her way, or that she knocks off another queen in a lip sync. However, in terms of momentum right now her car isn’t even starting.