Trio, Season 2, #13
typical, a long time since, what it is
typical, a long time since, what it is
Creative
Art and beauty are so subjective that i’m sometimes frightened by them. A song that almost wound up going unplayed has become everyone’s new favourite. Last night someone told me they thought i was sexy. Some people read my page, and some don’t.
My audition was terrible… i couldn’t understand where the piano-arrangement fit in with my vocal notes, and i just kept shooting the pianist a befuddled look while my voice teacher sat in the back row and scribbled furiously on her legal pad. Corrections, for our next lesson. Rounder ‘O’ vowels, “remember” should be “ri-mem-bur,” breath before the phrases, don’t move my arms around so much. I don’t remember singing it at all, but i know what i did wrong. In fact, i thought that my audition was pretty terrible — panicked glances to the accompanist are rarely the mark of a chorus-member in the making.
At the end the voice inside my head said “Fuck it, Peter. Show them you can sing.” I shut my ears tight against the pianist and looked straight ahead. “Can lead to joy. And hope. And love… yes. Love.” C, D, Eb, E. Flawless. I just grinned as the piano roll to the end of the song began. The cheering was wonderful; i walked off as calmly as i could and proceeded to totally collapse in my chair hugging Elise and whispering “i did it, i hit it, i did it.”
No one mentioned my high notes, but everyone claims my song was wonderful. I didn’t think so, and i keep saying “But, what about the end?”
Tonight i’ll be at callbacks. Someone thought it was okay.
Every day is a day that your whole life has been leading towards; each step is the step that all of your life has been preparing you to take. Until the next one.
Two years ago i auditioned for Hair. I had so far only had a bit part in a main stage show, and i had never sang on stage before. But, i had the most hair of any of the boys who were auditioning. This, i was sure, was my shoe-in.
Our director asked who would sing first, and a hush fell over the room packed with aspiring tribe-members — no one wanted to set the bar. So, i did… with assurances that i could get up and try it again later. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life: my arms went numb, i forget my lyrics, and i couldn’t understand the piano arrangement. I barely remember the act of singing so much as i remember the lights blinding me as i wandered off the side of the stage, knowing that my second try would not make much of a difference.
When i didn’t get a callback, i was not entirely surprised.
Everything between then and now has been my stumbling rehearsal for tonight’s audition for Fiddler on the Roof. Every failed audition, and every successful one. Every note i’ve hit and every note i’ve missed. Every smile, every tear, everything. Yes, it’s about whether or not i can hit my E, as i am acutely aware. But, it’s also about who i was when i took the stage 730-odd days ago and who i can be tonight.
It’s not about hitting your stride in the moment, every moment, living for each. It is about sustaining through them all, stringing them together like a legato string of pearls.
Not coincidentally, that’s what my voice teacher keeps telling my about hitting the high notes in my audition piece. Maybe after i get it right in my singing i can manage to apply it to life.
I absolutely cannot sing the harmony to “Closer to Fine.” Like, really, i’m honestly trying, but no amounts of lyrics, replays, and really cute girls, i have encouraging me to sing it correctly. So, mostly i’m just sitting here and pouting about not being able to sing it or hit the E in my song. Or, really, sing anything. Not even Billy Joel that i’ve been listening to since i was two. Two.
Distracted much? Me? Never…
Trio: Season 2, #12
I haven’t done a Trio for quite a while, and apparently there was a reason … the one i did tonight sucks. Well, actually, it doesn’t suck, but it does show how out of practice i am and how my newly loosened vocal chords have a hard time fitting within the bounds i’ve set for them. Opening tune “You Have No Proof I Said I Love You” is the one i was working on with Andy a two weeks ago. Second is Lisa Loeb’s “Stay,” which i used to play all of the time when i bought my first guitar. And, well, if you make it past the second appearance of “Excuse,” just take what you hear with a grain of salt :p … it was practically improv.
Meanwhile, while here i’m in my room sounding like a steaming pile of sonic crap, boys only 6 months older than me are starring in my new favourite movie. Damned wasted time…