People never believe me when i tell them i’m an introvert. How could i be? I’m the friendliest most open person in the world! This might be true, but that side of me is only available when i’m around other people, and those times are often few and far between. I have so much introvertedness in my system, probably from being an only child without any local friends to hang around with. What i wound up with is my own continuity inside of my head that no one else gets to share in. Except you. I suppose at its heart this has been about emptying the contents of my head out so that i know that someone else can hear them and recognizing, even from my first posts. The question is, … is this a healthy exercise, or does it just worsen matters? I suppose that there’s no way to tell, but in general the less i interact with other real people the worse off i am.
self-aware
Pi Nu Epsilon is a cool group of people because you know you have one overriding truth in common with everyone else in the Fraternity: you love music. Maybe you love to be in the spotlight, or to hold down the rhythm, or just to sit back inbetween your parts and listen, but it’s an uncommon comfort in relating to relative strangers that you know they swoon for a sweet melody the same way you do. Another interesting aspect of finally meeting our three other chapters is that they’re approximately three quarters female because both their bands and schools are predominantly female (whereas Drexel, primarily being an engineering and technology school, is almost to the point of an even gender split). I went over rather well for not knowing a single person (the first comment out of my mouth after our dizzying and frigid dorm-to-dorm dash search for the other members was “That was the worst fucking game of hide-and-go-seek i’ve every played.”), and i (as a matter of course) developed a crush on one of my sisters from another chapter in about ten minutes flat. Overall, the people were cool, we got stuff done, and i ate a whole freakin’ lot of red meat. I think i gained 10 pounds. Uck. But, hey, i looked dead sexy the whole time.
Might i add that on my way out to nearly miss the train yesterday i threw two handfuls of styling gell in my hair and just piled it on the top of my head, and the result was me looking dead fucking sexy for one entire day. That only happens to me once or twice a year, ya know…
I have this very irrational (yet, highly rational) fear of contracting Oral Herpes. This started out as a sort of joke at parties – an excuse not to share pieces of pizza and drinking glasses with other people. As the years progressed my little rule evolved into my golden rule: The only people i’ll share anything with are people i would lock lips with anyhow. My friends all think i’m insane, of course. What most people don’t realize is that Herpes is the most prevalent sexually transmitted infection, only it isn’t just transmitted sexually. Anytime someone has a cold sore and they kiss you or share a drinking container with you, you run the risk of transmitting their infection. There is no cure for herpes. It is unsightly and easy to spot. It can weaken your immune system enough to allow other diseases to take advantage of you; by virtue of this trait is is known as a co-factor to AIDS/HIV. So, i might be overly paranoid, but my fear is not irrational. Anyhow, i hate sharing.
Finally…. finally, an attractive gay man flirted with me at work today. I was starting to think i ranked very low on the gaydar, or whatever it is. A gay friend tells me it’s found behind the spleen. Meanwhile, have you noticed that i hardly even whine about the fact that i register at all? Yep, i’m pretty much resigned to a life of having men hit on me, 1 in 10 of which won’t make me wanna run away in fear. Cause, i can only make pleasant non-flirting conversation with an ugly person for so long, you know.