If i comb all of my hair forward and down over my ears i look like some misbegotten british pop star from a third of a century ago! Or slightly less! Times like this, i wish i had a webcam….
by krisis
self-aware
It’s gone back and forth so many times… people thought i was gay, so eventually i decided that i didn’t give a fuck and i flirted with them to make them uncomfortable as a defense mechanism, so then people stopped teasing me because they all assumed i actually was gay, so now i’m just really defensive about it, which makes me seem like i’m in the closet, so now my friends mostly take bets behind my back about when i’ll finally hook up with some really nice guy.
I’m trying too, David, i’m trying. I spend much too much time lamenting my singularity, and not enough time actually talking to real people. And i’m trying to make changes, in so many ways. We’ll work on it.
Knowing where the christmas presents were was the most awful responsibility in the world. You had to find a reason within yourself not to open the edge of the wrapping paper to peak at the present. I never really found that reason, and i think my mother didn’t either (which is why i always put her presents out at the last possible hour). Of course, until recent years my mother didn’t get a whole lot from me for christmas, but she she gave me plenty, which made the burden worse for me. Now it’s been reversed a bit, but i think you get my point. I’m awful like that … no one should ever leave me to my own rationalizations in order to stay away from something. Because, it never works. Never.
Sometimes i think it’d just be easier if i sat here and just communicated with myself and the people on the computer who i can’t ever touch. Of course, songs don’t come from sitting in a room with just yourself; you at least need issues to stew over. Not that i don’t have any issues… god knows i have issues. To be shockingly honest, i should definitely see a psychologist every once and a while. But i don’t … i couldn’t. The things that make me what i am are so buried that i barely can remember them all at once, let alone rattle them off in a chronological list. But that’s not what you do at the psychologist … of course, they aren’t the great Oracle either. They can’t answer any question you can’t answer yourself, just point you in the right direction.