shit… i think i’ve cried more this term than i have in any other year of my life since i was a little kid.
by krisis
thoughts
What’s funny is that i really don’t have anything mean to say. Even though i’m the one that broke up with her, i think she was the most perfect first girlfriend in the universe and i’d never trade my time with her for anything else. It was just… it just felt like we reached an end. Maybe we had just reached a fork in the road and i’m a blind man so i walked right off the side of the path. Who knows? In six months i’ll make sure to remind you all whether this was a really bad idea or not.
Maybe it only feels like shit because i feel so unattractive and i’m not sure i can ever find anyone beautiful who will like me ever again. Maybe it feels like shit because i established a routine with her and now it’s over and i’m just here. Maybe it feels like shit because i know that i still like her, but that it just wasn’t working. Maybe it feels like shit because we were probably in love. Maybe it feels like shit because i know this is hurting her a lot more than it seems to be hurting me. Maybe i feel like shit because this was a shitty thing to do. Maybe i feel like shit because i’m afraid she won’t find anyone else who’ll really care about her. Maybe i feel like shit because i already miss holding her hand. Maybe i feel like shit because i loved kissing her. Maybe i feel like shit because i deserve a lot worse.
I just broke up. I can’t decide if it feels like the biggest mistake of my life or like taking a breath of fresh air. Probably both. But, more of the first. Shit.
Since i never really flirted with anyone seriously to begin with, it’s hard for me to conceive of the fact that i’m a really huge flirt. In my eyes, i’m just nice while also being incredibly brainless and amusing. Of course, those are the three things that epitomize flirting. So, now i’m stuck with all these acquaintances who my entire relationship with is based on flirting … and of course it’s highly inappropriate to keep flirting with them; nevermind that i’m not actually flirting. Argh. People are so complicated…