I’m usually quite a dancer, but for some reason i was having trouble keeping beat to this particular song. Making the situation even worse, i was very close to the middle of the semi-circle, which meant that i would definitely be on-camera when this bit aired on television. I desparately tried to bop back and forth and look merry, but something just wasn’t right. To my right a high school classmate of mine was dancing (not just any classmate: a girl with nearly the same last name who i referred to as “sis”), and she was breakin’ it down. She encouraged me to engage in a box step, or my infamous mashed potato, but i couldn’t. Finally, i figured out that my knees were virtually locked together, restricting my movement to the most basic steps i knew.

As the cameras panned away from the shot that would include me, my mind wandered, thinking about my locked knees. Just flailing my calves and feet in any direction made me think of myself as a merman, for some incredible reason. So, i pictured myself as a merman, and tried to decide who had a pool that i could bathe in.

It was around there that i awoke to go take my medication.