fuck it. If people can’t deal with me using their names they can kindly ask me to replace them with a pseudonym. I promise not to slander anyone too bad (other than Viktor).

One of the most crucial crushes of my life came in the beginning of Sophomore year of high school. Her name was Juliana, and she was just cool. She was newly a Freshman, but had gone to Masterman for junior high as well, so i had seen her around the year before. She had amazing style, incredible taste in music, she was mature, and beautiful. I fell head over heels immediately, as is my course in life. She may have been oblivious at first, but soon she must have known since my every week hung precariously upon the one period where we both attended the same meeting.

Through some wrangling by my dedicated friends Juliana was invited to our friend’s massive yearly Halloween party (you’ll come to see that the week leading up to Halloween is rather crucial in my romantic life). I dressed simple as a doctor rather than as the stunning prostitute i was the year before, and set off to charm Juliana. I did a decent job, and in one heartstopping moment she admitted that she might actually go out with me

It was all downhill from there. Her evil evil evil meddling friend Emma poked and prodded at my fragile psyche until i awkwardly asked Juliana out the next week. Emma also managed to make sure Juliana didn’t meet me where we said we would, and accompanied us the whole night. The get together was aborted when Emma dragged Juliana away with her onto a bus. I was miserably let down, and promptly went home and cried to Gina on the phone. There were no other ‘dates.’

So there you go, the first of many huge let downs in my (non-existent) romantic life. Juliana and i went on to be fairly good friends, and she attended both a David Bowie concert and the Junior Prom with me. She just left town to go to college.

I still dislike Emma.