Selina has me totally conflicted right now; i was convinced at a point last night that i could never be with her again but then i talked to her in the most non-confrontational way we’ve been able to muster up this weekend, and of course now i’m not sure of anything. She’s willing to bend to what i want from the relationship, even though all of this is entirely my fault. But, it’s true that we both want totally different things from each other and from dating, so if we were to ever get back together it would have to include a serious discussion of what we expect from each other. I told her last night how next term i’m already planning to spend my impending immense free time with friends, and that i don’t know if i’d have time for her the same way i did this term.
What’s funny is that we started off as friends. The first night we ever were together we decided to be best friends, and we seemed to uphold that decision the next night. But, as the weekend progressed, i started to like her as more than a friend. Selina correctly points out that all of this is my fault, because i kissed her first. That’s rather amusing, since i hardly knew how to kiss at the time, but i did. So, she can’t be the one to blame for the fact that we added all this to being best friends, and that maybe the friendship got lost in the mix; even if it is my fault, the friendship is my favourite part. I couldn’t go back without knowing for sure that we’re friends first. But i shouldn’t go back. But we both want to go back. Is there any point in denying what we both want to do? That seems about as stupid as committing to a relationship i’m not ready for before trying to get it right with anyone else.
So, basically i’ll be an idiot no matter what i do.