Just to prove that my co-workers are about as dysfunctional as my family, i just overheard this approximate conversation from three of our admissions councilers filing out of a birthday party:

Gina: Let’s play “either/or.”

Ian: What’s that?

G: I’ll ask you an either/or question, and you have to answer. Like, would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Bob Dole or The Rock?

Eric: You didn’t use “either” in that question.

G: Be quiet, Eric.

Ian: Well, that’s not much of a choice. I’d say neither.

G: There is no “neither!” You have to pick one.

E: Well, they both refer to themselves in the third person, which would get annoying, but The Rock could lift boulders and stuff.

I: Yeah, but Bob Dole would die first.

G: Alright, good job. So, here’s another one. Would you rather have an sexual experience with a guy of your choosing every day for an entire year…

E & I: [insert typical “Touching another man’s pee-pee is a fate worse than death” commentary here]

G: Or, have Cameron Diaz come to your house every day…

E: Would she clean?

G: Let me finish! Have Cameron Diaz come to your house every day to shove a beer bottle up your ass.

You could hear crickets chirping in Russia at that point, i swear.

G: With the cap still on it. [because, obviously they needed clarification]

E: But, would she clean afterwards?

I: Um… when you mentioned a “sexual experience,” could we just watch some porn together?

College Admissions. Very glamorous work.