I love to do combat via voicemail. I have a purpose, i have a script, the beep happens, and i’m all over the situation. Phone messages from me are business-like and succint and to the point – they are the patriot missile of inter-personal communication. I have no casualties

In the last two weeks i’ve found that i time all of my important calls around when people will definitely not be near their phones. Calls to the Realtor-From-Hell are made either before work (because i know he never gets to the office early) or around lunch (when he has a clueless flunky to attempt to field my laser-fine inquiry; i do well with flunkies). The new realtor gets calls around lunch as well (since he’s out showing properties) (and because his business manner makes me flustered and repetitive when he catches me on the phone). Calling out from work, in an emergency, is 8:35 on most days or 9:15 on Mondays (we have staff meetings). Mom is anytime (because she is never home and i can always slip her a quick beep to let her know that there’s a message without her being able to track me down).

I have yet to determine the in and out schedule of the woman at FolkFestival, but i have a lovely script that i intend to deliver to her voicemail about my unfortunate situation and that i hope to be in attendance next year. I’m not too keen on phoning her repeatedly from each office cubical to triangulate when she might leave for a soda or some banjo playin’, but i’ll passive-aggressively put the duty off until i can be sure to not get her on the phone, yes indeedy.

I have toll-free voicemail at the office if you call my extension through our main 800 number, if you’d like to strike up a battle with me. 9 to 5 just check my away message and then dial away.