Someone has to remember to remind me that, the next time I’m stalking someone famous, that I should super-hydrate myself with over two gallons of water every day – because, apparently, flushing out all of my electrolytes will increase my nerve conduction velocity, thus allowing me to establish telepathic communications with a starlet of my choice.

This concept excites me, as my daily consumption means I’m halfway to the hydration goal already. However, contrary to statements in the article, I like to believe the communication would be one way so that I could just beam every inane thought I had directly into my obsession’s head. It’d be like having my own personal broadcast station directly into their brain.

Or, hey, I could just kidnap them and force them to read my web page!