Well, i’m sure to go to hell now.

In case you don’t take statements regarding someone’s immortal fate for granted, allow me to elaborate.

I hate cell phones. Despise them. Though they have a lot of very important potential uses, not a single one of them is arming every Dick, Jane, and Moron with one so that they can chat it up while in a movie-theatre, driving a large motor-vehicle, or just walking down the street. Let’s be honest here… of the seemingly 90% of people who are chatting on cellulars as you pass them on the street, how many of them are important enough to even merit one? Or, hell, forget important, what about popular?

Of course, at college everybody has a cell phone. In some cases they are warranted — people are from far away and want to call home. Or, they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in a different state and are trying to save on long distance charges. However, warranted or not, everyone i know seems to have one. And, since they have them, they expect me to have one. Why not have one? Shouldn’t i be able to talk to anyone at any time no matter where i am or how annoying it is to the people around me? Shouldn’t my friends and family feel have the right to keep me on a electronic leash that that can tug at a moment’s notice via speed-dial?

I am going to hell because i now have one of these devices, these tiny electronic harbingers of societies impending doom. Not because i really wanted one, because i definitely do no, and not because i need one for any actual reason. No. I have one because literally every last friend i have (with the two rare exceptions of Gina and SL) have cell phones, and of those people over a third of the ones i ever need to call have their own cell-phones from different area codes that would cost an arm and a leg to call all the time via a landline. Elise has a Northern Jersey, Kat one that i assume is from California, and Laura from TrebleMakers is from upstate New York!


Now i am one of them. Not only one of them, but a special one: by an apparent grace of god my cell-phone got connected to a local 215 phone number, which immediately makes me eminently hipper than my friends in 610 and 267. Which, in my estimation, has the potential to launch me at least two circles deeper into the bowels of hell.

I just wanted to make you aware that i am one step closer to becoming everything that i hate and detest. Maybe tomorrow i’ll go and change my voter registration over to Republican and lease an SUV.


Oops, did i offend you? I’m sorry. Have a nice day.