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stories

June 2, 2001 by krisis

#3 is true. In my life i have consumed under 1 gallon combined of beer and/or cola. I can tell you nearly exactly how much beer i’ve ever had… 20oz. of Old English, 16oz of Corona, 8oz at the PNE convention, and various other tiny amounts of beer that total well under an additional 20oz. That’s half a gallon. As for cola, i’m only referring to Pepsi/Coke, and not gingerale, seltzer, ect. I had a glass of coca cola once on a very hot day when it was the only thing available, and otherwise i’ve never had more than a mistaken sip through a straw once or twice a year. I’ve always hated soda, because it tastes horrible, it’s carbonated, and it has absolutely zero redeeming healthy qualities. In my mind, it should be restricted to consenting adults as much as cigarettes and beer, because as long as the government sees fit to tell people what they can and cannot do we really ought to try to make our nation’s children a little healther in the process.

When i was seven years old my grandmother offered me $20 to drink a shot glass of Pepsi and i declined. She was always doing funny things like that… in retrospect i suppose she was attempted to get me to broaden my tastes since i was a very picky eater, but everything she tried to broaden me with was unhealthy and unsavory (one halloween she somehow convinced me to have a hotdog and i think my mother stopped talking to her for a month). Except, she always tried to get me to drink apple juice with milk icecubes in it, and earlier this year i sortof unintentionally had that and it wasn’t so bad.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3899453/

Filed Under: alchohol, family, memories, stories

June 2, 2001 by krisis

#13 is false. After my 5th birthday I have not had a birthday party every even-numbered year of my life, until this year broke the streak. Actually, after my fifth birthday i have not ever had a birthday party until this year broke the streak. Corroborating evidence can be found here, and congrats to Benjy for figuring this one out.


I went to the birthday party of a girl i really liked in first grade. It was at St. Monica’s bowling alley, and i think nearly our entire class wound up attending. I remember coming home from there and telling my mother that i didn’t like birthday parties, because they were just excuses to have people bring you gifts or for them to look bad if they didn’t. And, from that point forward, i neither had nor attended another birthday party (or any other party, for that matter) until i became less anti-social in middle school. However, i still never had a party because my birthday is so very early in the school year, and because i tend to be uncomfortable as the deliberate focus of attention of a group of people unless i’m actually doing something more noteworthy then getting slowly and inexorably older. This past year’s parties weren’t so bad, since the focus of the first one was mostly playing frisbee and the focus of the second one was margaritas. This year there’s talk of kegs of Raspberry CiderJack and relentless live music. Be afraid (or, just get invited ;)

5 truths and 1 lie are down, leaving us with 14 truths and 2 lies. More hints upcoming.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3899346/

Filed Under: linkylove, memories, stories

June 1, 2001 by krisis

#15 is true. Up until i stopped knowing what i wanted to be, i wanted to be a veterinarian. I knew it, and my whole family knew it, and it was a fact. Then, high school came along. Biology… not a problem. Math… not my favourite, but doable. However, definitely the class that put me off to any career in the sciences was the dreaded Chemistry.


Granted, i actually enjoy Chemistry a good deal more than it’s ugly sidekick Physics, but our school’s Chemistry teacher was nearly certifiably insane and all i ever learned from her is how to make sourpatch kids burst into coloured flames and launch across the room. From the first quarter of Sophomore year onwards, i knew that my being a puppy-doctor was out of the question (also, my dear mother had the presence of mind to point out that i am deathly afraid of dogs over a third of my body weight or with teeth significantly larger than mine). I slowly edged away from it… first saying i would be a psychiatrist (could you picture me in med school? what a train wreck that would’ve been), then downgrading to a psychologist (i was pretty serious about that until i found out that psychology majors don’t usually wind up as psychologists), and then just winding up undecided in my Senior year of highschool (which definitely hurt my college application process, but oh well).

What i’m left with now is a patented fear of all things quantitative. Nevermind that Biology is my favourite subject and that i used to be the Christian league math champion – i just don’t feel like my head is fit to contain scientific knowledge. On the other end of things, i scoff at academians and their philosophy and sociology (and, dear god, who would ever want to be a lawyer? Not i…). So i’m left here with journalism, by default.

Of course, journalism is what i actually want to do, but i think i want to do it a little too much. My vision of being a journalist is something like someone’s vision of being an astronaut; i know i’m technically capable of it but i just can’t picture it ever happened. Add to that the fact that i really only want to be a magazine journalist and not a newspaper journalist, and that i’m going to a school that tends to graduate people into neither of the above fields, and you find out that my entire life is royally fucked and that i want to take a do-over. Or, maybe just a do-over from when i wrote undecided on my college applications, or from when i decided i hated Chemistry (and by extension all other sciences), or from when learning stopped fascinating me too early to learn the things i should’ve learned so i could stay fascinated. And here i am claiming all i could ever know how to do is just mingle fact and opinion day in and day out, and there’s not necessarily a lucrative market for that. But i don’t get a do-over, just a “please pull forward.”


Fuck. I think i’m going to go and cry now.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3891375/

Filed Under: college, high school, memories, stories

June 1, 2001 by krisis

One time in first grade we were taking a spelling test, and the word to spell was “kick,” and a boy named Paul raised his hand and asked “Do you mean k-i-c-k?” Of course, everyone giggled and the teacher reprimanded him and the test (and life) went on, and to this day i’m not entirely sure if Paul did it to be a smartass, or if he honestly was thinking of some other kind of kick. I just rememeber being exasperated at not getting points for correctly spelling such an easy word.

But, was i really exasperated? More and more often i find myself looking back at childhood memories that are getting more hazy and more generalized and i’m wondering how much of what i remember is just a fabrication of what i think i felt. Could i have really felt “exasperated” as a first grader? Did i really just giggle like the rest of the class, but in my recollections i make myself out as more mature and collected than i really was at the time.

The subjectiveness of memory frightens me. I don’t mind so much that the colours of everything in my head are getting less and less vivid like a patch of wallpaper that sees too much sun, but the prospect that i’m slowly changing all of my memories to the best representation of how i got how i am rather than what actually made me just isn’t right. Is this why children never believe what their parents tell them?, because their parents have taken all their childhood experiences and twisted them into trite little packages to be doled out before bed? I used to be able to eat candy and sweets endlessly as a child without pause, but now i get a stomach-ache and feel unfocused. Am i doomed to spend the rest of my life making futile efforts to keep candy from the hands of children just because now it spoils my dinner? Or, is this just growing up, and i’m not quite ready yet?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3886860/

Filed Under: memories, self-aware, stories, Year 01

June 1, 2001 by krisis

#7 is true. Just because i haven’t taken math for two years now and probably won’t ever again doesn’t mean i wasn’t good at it at some point. Up until the dreaded geometry i could do no wrong mathematically, but when we had competitions in math i liked the word problems because they were logic and math. Anyone could brute force their way through a computations exam, but the logic exam required a more expert touch. Or, at least i had convinced my tiny third grader brain of that. The third year we had a huge blizzard the day of the competition and wound up taking our tests via mail, and i placed fourth. I think that’s when i stopped liking math.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3885712/

Filed Under: memories, stories

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