Crushing Krisis

Time – Evening of Valentine’s Day. Setting – South Street shopping district. Characters – Peter and his mother.

Mom – Oh! What’s this store? It looks cool!

Peter – That’s Condom Kingdom, Mom. [averts eyes, continues walking]

Mom – What?

Peter – Condom Kingdom. Don’t you see the little sperm painted on the sidewalk?

Mom – Oh! That’s what those are. Let’s go in!

Peter – I don’t want to, Mom; i go in there all of the time.

Mom – Oh, good, just what i wanted to hear.

Peter – No, i mean, … i meant… i mean… my friends are always dragging me in there. [averts eyes again, crosses the street] They have some interesting stuff; did you see the penis pasta in the window.

Mom – Well, we could stop in on our way back.

Peter – Oh, sure, just how i want to spend Valentine’s day: shopping for contraceptives with my mother.

Mom – Point taken.

[they continue walking away and incessantly chattering]

I’d like to add that while i am able to actively talk about condoms and penises with my mother in the middle of the street, i find myself physically unable to tell her about my girlfriend. The closest i came was mentioning her name and then replying to my mother’s query about her: “Oh, it’s a long story. She’s a very nice girl, though.”