Time – Evening of Valentine’s Day. Setting – South Street shopping district. Characters – Peter and his mother.
Mom – Oh! What’s this store? It looks cool!
Peter – That’s Condom Kingdom, Mom. [averts eyes, continues walking]
Mom – What?
Peter – Condom Kingdom. Don’t you see the little sperm painted on the sidewalk?
Mom – Oh! That’s what those are. Let’s go in!
Peter – I don’t want to, Mom; i go in there all of the time.
Mom – Oh, good, just what i wanted to hear.
Peter – No, i mean, … i meant… i mean… my friends are always dragging me in there. [averts eyes again, crosses the street] They have some interesting stuff; did you see the penis pasta in the window.
Mom – Well, we could stop in on our way back.
Peter – Oh, sure, just how i want to spend Valentine’s day: shopping for contraceptives with my mother.
Mom – Point taken.
[they continue walking away and incessantly chattering]
I’d like to add that while i am able to actively talk about condoms and penises with my mother in the middle of the street, i find myself physically unable to tell her about my girlfriend. The closest i came was mentioning her name and then replying to my mother’s query about her: “Oh, it’s a long story. She’s a very nice girl, though.”