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February 14, 2001 by krisis

Time – Evening of Valentine’s Day. Setting – South Street shopping district. Characters – Peter and his mother.

Mom – Oh! What’s this store? It looks cool!

Peter – That’s Condom Kingdom, Mom. [averts eyes, continues walking]

Mom – What?

Peter – Condom Kingdom. Don’t you see the little sperm painted on the sidewalk?

Mom – Oh! That’s what those are. Let’s go in!

Peter – I don’t want to, Mom; i go in there all of the time.

Mom – Oh, good, just what i wanted to hear.

Peter – No, i mean, … i meant… i mean… my friends are always dragging me in there. [averts eyes again, crosses the street] They have some interesting stuff; did you see the penis pasta in the window.

Mom – Well, we could stop in on our way back.

Peter – Oh, sure, just how i want to spend Valentine’s day: shopping for contraceptives with my mother.

Mom – Point taken.

[they continue walking away and incessantly chattering]

I’d like to add that while i am able to actively talk about condoms and penises with my mother in the middle of the street, i find myself physically unable to tell her about my girlfriend. The closest i came was mentioning her name and then replying to my mother’s query about her: “Oh, it’s a long story. She’s a very nice girl, though.”

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Filed Under: memories, Philly, shopping, Year 01 Tagged With: mom, q.o.d.

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  1. Crushing Krisis » says:
    August 18, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    […] You know, as much as i love getting cards from my mother, i’m honestly not too upset about having other plans for V-day. Not too upset at all… […]

  2. Crushing Krisis » says:
    September 26, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    […] We are producing two student written plays that are very witty and funny and i got cast as the male lover in both of them against the same female lover. I didn’t really think about the reality of kissing someone night after night on stage when i was auditioning, but now it looks like i am adding one more person to my impeccably neat little list of lips i have locked with, and my irrational fear of herpes alarm bell is ringing like mad. And, chat logs are lame. […]

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