Speaking of epiphanies: i am beginning to think of the stapler remover as the vampire of the desk supplies. I imagine that, after i leave, it slinks out of its place in my desk organizer and proceeds to terrorize my pens and highlighters mercilessly until a brave and intrepid pencil takes it upon itself to plunge itself as a stake through the remover’s cold metallic heart, leaving only a scene of scattered writing implements to hint at the terror that preceded it.
In the morning i always find myself thinking, How did my desk wind up so messy? Surely i cleaned it last night at 4:59, as is my wont. But now i know.