In the subway they were all doppelgangers, or perhaps zombie invaders. Each one, be-suited or bedraggled per normal routine, but additionally distorted in a sort of post-holiday-euphoria crash. Not enough leftover cold turkey sandwiches and big ticket gifts to sustain the serotonin levels. Too many overzealous resolutions already dashed against the cold ground of winter.

I find myself subconsciously deferring to other people’s resolutions, as if by osmosis. (No, i will not eat that cookie if you won’t eat that cookie either.) Really, i think i am still too self-satisfied about keeping my 2004 resolution running to bother making any other ones.

In any event, i resolve things all the time. On one sleepless evening in seventh grade i resolved that starting the next day i would be incredibly attractive. So much so that i would be irresistible to all thirteen (and possibly fourteen) year old girls to cross my path. I attempted to plot my means of attracting them as i drifted off to sleep, but the next day i was the same, simple me.

I lose count of how many times in any given year i resolve to become more attractive, or more practiced, or more active – no need to artificially inflate the total so early on in the proceedings.

If only i could have fast-forwarded my frumpy seventh-grade clock forward a decade i would have realized that all that stood between me and the hearts of tweenagers everywhere were a few well-placed acoustic Kelly Clarkson cover songs.