• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Crushing Krisis

The Newest Oldest Blog In New Zealand

  • Archive
  • DC Guides
    • DC New 52
    • DC Events
    • DC Rebirth
    • Batman Guide
  • Marvel Guides
    • Omnibus & Oversize Hardcover DB
    • Marvel Events
  • Star Wars Guide
    • Expanded Universe Comics (2015 – present)
    • Legends Comics (1977 – 2014)
  • Valiant Guides
  • Contact!
You are here: Home / Personal / off-topics / people / elise / azaleas are a lie

azaleas are a lie

June 6, 2011 by krisis

If I’ve learned anything from my first year of home ownership, it’s that I have forgotten everything any of my Biology teachers every taught me about the kingdom Plantae.

The human body, environmental science, chemistry – they all make sense to me. Home repair? Electricity? I can handle it.

Flowers? A complete lie. Total bullshit.

Azaleas bloom in spring, their flowers often lasting several weeks. Shade tolerant, they prefer living near or under trees.

A few weeks ago our neighbor’s massive block of azalea bushes were in full, hot-pink bloom – the exact color of my Gem and the Holograms bicycle, circa age six.

“They must be new,” I exclaimed to E as we toiled in our front lawn, “because I don’t remember anything pink from last year.”

E fixed me with a look – the look she gives me when she can’t tell if my naivete is a conversational ploy or if I could really be that ignorant about something

“You realize,” she said evenly and carefully, “that those are the same bushes that have always been there. Right now they are flowering. So, you see, they are pink.”

“You mean to tell me that we’ve lived here an entire year and I’ve never noticed that her bushes are actually covered in hot pink flowers?That seems hard to miss.”

E examined my face for a tell – some indication I was putting her on. There was none; I am awesome at bluffing when I don’t even realize I am bluffing AKA I have no idea what we’re talking about.

“Peter, not all plants flower for all of spring. Azaleas only flower for a few weeks. Last year they probably flowered before we saw the house, or even between when we saw it and when we moved in. You know, like our pink tree.”

I considered our pink tree. Really it was a tree-colored tree, but per its pink tree-print on the Google Maps overview of our house, it had produced delicate pink blossoms for a week, which then fluttered away to cover the neighborhood. But that was a tree! Bushes, I reasoned were something different.

I thought back to all of my grandmothers’ flowers from childhood, and I didn’t remember any of them coming and going as they pleased. They were flowers, and that’s what they did – flower.

I rendered my reply.

“That’s bullshit. Flowers don’t come and go week to week. Except for, like, tulips or other special stuff. Maybe they’ve just,” I stammered, flummoxed for an explanation, “matured this year. Maybe they are in hedge puberty this year.”

E shook her head in submission. “Okay. Let’s talk about this again in two weeks.”

It’s been two weeks.

Yeah, the bushes are now green, again.

Related posts:

  1. Defending Our Ride on CBSLocal Philly!
  2. Ride or Be Thrown
  3. Philly feeling very Il after Geek Awards
  4. Make Your Own Holiday (or, Welcome to NaBloPoMo)
  5. Are the bears sleeping comfortably?

Filed Under: elise, thoughts

Previous Post: « What I Tweeted, 2011-06-05 Edition
Next Post: What I Tweeted, 2011-06-12 Edition »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Maggie says

    July 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    You know what, I’ve felt the same exact thing. I don’t have a garden but I walk by the same bushes every day. One day they flowered, and I figured landscaping must have decided to replace them with prettier flowers!

Primary Sidebar


Support Crushing Krisis on Patreon
Support CK
on Patreon


Follow me on Twitter Like me on Facebook Contact me
Follow me on Instagram Watch me on Youtube Subscribe to the CK RSS Feed

About CK

About Crushing Krisis
About My Music
About Your Author
Blog Archive
Comics Blogs Only
Contact Krisis
Terms & Conditions

Crushing Comics

Marvel Comics
Marvel Events Guide
Marvel Omnibus Guide
Spider-Man Guide

DC Comics
DC New 52
DC Rebirth

Valiant Comics

Copyright © 2017 · Foodie Pro Theme by Shay Bocks · Built on the Genesis Framework · Powered by WordPress

Crushing Krisis is supported by SuperHeroic Sponsor Omnibuds' Café


Links from Crushing Krisis to retailer websites may be in the form of affiliate links. If you purchase through an affiliate link I will receive a minor credit as your referrer. My credit does not affect your purchase price. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to: Amazon Services LLC Associates Program (in the US, UK, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Spain), eBay Partner Network, and iTunes Affiliate Program. Note that URLs including the "geni.us" domain name are affiliate short-links.