krisis

it’s not what you thought when you first began it

you got what you want now you can hardly stand it though by now you know

It’s not going to stop until you wise up.

you’re sure there’s a cure and you have finally found it

you think one drink will shrink you till you’re underground and living down but

It’s not going to stop until you wise up.

prepare a list for what you need before you sign away the deed ‘cuz

It’s not going to stop until you wise up.

(so just give up)

?

‘Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”? Well, that’s true of every day but one — the day you die.’

Anyway, i’m sure this whole week will go down in my history books. Today i learned some things about how i relate to people. How i relate to men older than myself who i view as holding some kind of power. They kick my ass. Somewhere along the line in my high school, where they taught you to be smart (and made me forget how to be intelligent), i lost my nerve to speak up. Sure, i do still voice myself, but only in the form of unquestionable snap judgements and opinions backed up by pages of book knowledge.

I think we can see where these things intersect. Maybe it’s a father-figure thing, and maybe it isn’t. I generally just smile and bear the weight of words rained down upon me by men. I can’t stand up to them. Women are different, because i feel like they don’t expect me to bring testosterone to the table with me. But men do. They always do. There are a few men who i really can’t stand because i feel as though i am much to spineless to their faces and much to strong behind their backs. Today two of them were crossed off the list, even if the ‘x’ was just light. At work i stood up for myself in a heated discussion while staying rational the whole time, and when the alpha-male tried to cut me off i stopped him short and told him to let me talk or shut up.

Do i need to be a bitch to stick up for myself? No. Do i need to establish boundaries before i can gain respect? Yes. How smart i am might be irrelevant, but i refuse to let go of my intelligence. No one can take it away but me.

Every day can be the beginning of the rest of your life except for the day you die. And i’ve fucked up that marvelous quote. Updates coming now. Hold on for the ride.

Awoke about a half hour ago to do this days deeds (and leases). Won’t be back for nearly 10hours. Yes, i am very sad too. To make up for my absense, i promise to tell a story about sex when i get back. Or, tangentially related to it. A little. C ya.

Policy Change: anyone who says incredibly genuine things about Trio gets linked unless their site is borish. Bonus points if you say something about it on your (non-borish) blog.

This Girl’s Blog is well designed as all heck (but not quite fully functional in Netscape), and she’s right on the other side of the Virgo/Libra cusp from me. Check her out (hey hey hey).

Sorry, i couldn’t resist. Still listening to the Peter Mulvey CD. Yes, i know it’s 4:30am. Shutup.