Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

krisis

Krisis has been creating Crushing Krisis since 2000, writing songs since 1996, and reading comics since 1991. He is a Customer Success and Digital Brand Strategy executive, serial organizer, parent, and feminist, among other things. Based in Philly through 2017, he now resides in Wellington, NZ.

by

Me and Wheels don’t really get along.

Cars and I generally don’t like each other and though i can drive them in an emergency i don’t find them particularly easy to navigate with or around. And, while bicycles make me perfectly comfortable despite my general disbelief that they can even stay upright with me perched on top, i learned this weekend that Rollerblades are obviously in collusion with their four-wheeled cousins as opposed to having an uneasy agreement with me as their bi-wheeled bretheren do.

Matt & Ayelet seemed pretty sure i’d be able to skate without much ado, but they neglected the fact that i hadn’t ever really been rollerskating or iceskating so that we were starting from scratch. Locomoting was not entirely difficult, but it hurt as my ankles turned and tilted in skates too narrow for my feet. Stopping proved to be challenging, and no easier on my ankles. Falling was easy; i just made sure to fall backwards and i absorbed the impact again and again with my well-cushioned backside with nary a bruise to be seen. However, i wasn’t going to make it down the 3 mile trail and back again with a combination of unsure 10-meter glides combined with full-throttle ass-first plummets to the ground, so i traded Sara the skates for a bike that was too tall for me to mount; to get onto the seat i had to start pedaling with the right pedal at its peak so that i could hop onto the seat as i pushed it down and around.

I like bicycles, and the hum of tires on asphalt while the world is reduced to road and breeze and fireflies. I rode ahead of them until my legs got tired and then i just kept pace while singing harmony with Ayelet and talking about vodka with Matt. There wasn’t any falling, but i suppose it was just as easy a thing to do.


Falling is always easy.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4330452/

by

Almost-kisses are some of the worst things in the world, but generally not a terrible idea in retrospect. Bodies twisted with hands braced against each other and noses touching in their own tiny eskimo kiss so that you can feel the breath pass from her mouth to yours and then you feel that cellular-level inertia telling you that this is supposed to be a kiss but your brain maintains control of your locomotion and a minute later you are just talking again.


I don’t know how much i like my brain. For every almost-kiss i’ve participated in there’s been some pretty shitty consequences to be had in exchange for a kiss, but sometimes it might be worth consequences. However, sometimes almost is enough. And sometimes i might just be an idiot. But, at least i’m an idiot with a brain.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/4317521/

by

We’re getting new computers in the office and it’s not as though it’s the most interesting event ever, but it keeps bringing up such fun little interactions with people that i can hardly spare you each and ever one of them.

We’re supposed to move all of our files into a single folder on our desktops to ease the pain of all this computer switching; all of our folders will be moved onto a network computer and then we can individually get them back after the new pcs get hooked up. My folder consists of a bunch of Admissions silliness, a backup of Crushing, the installation file of MusicMatch, and full-length mp3s of my demo cd. So, today the computer woman came around to all of our desks to check in on if we have our folders ready (i feel like i’m packing up for some kind of alien abduction), and upon seeing the contents of my folder she immediately started in on the harping, obviously relishing her role as the raining on my tech-parade.


“You can’t bring programs with you,” she reprimanded me sternly. “Yes, i know, but this is the extracting file for it, not a program.” “Oh, well, that’s not allowed either. And, anyway, it’s for entertainment purposes,” she obviously ad-libs (the no-programs policy was aimed at people who didn’t know any better and were trying to bring Outlook and Filemaker with them; and, furthermore, i had MusicMatch because i was imbedding sound files into powerpoint for the Director of Admissions). While she tried to complain further about me wanting to bring a program with me, i opened up ws_ftp and uploaded it to Uprush where i can retrieve it later with no fuss and deleted the file.

“There, see, it’s gone.”

At this point Ms. Computer-Woman was not pleased with my ability to neatly avoid her crackdown on my electronic life. Searching my screen for her next target, her eyes widened and she exclaimed with some amount of glee: “You’ll have to delete those mp3s!,” to which i responded “But, they’re mine.” Here i could tell she was going in for the kill and so i let her have her moment of glory “University policy on Napster blahblahblah (gee, do i have Napster on my machine? That’s a negative.) blahblahblah fair use policy.” After she finished her (obviously rehearsed) speech i fixed her with the calmest stare i could possibly muster and replied “I’m sorry, maybe you didn’t understand my meaning. I own the lyrics, music, and arrangements to these songs as well as their copyright. They’re from my last album. They belong to me as much as my Annual Report Statistics spreadsheet does. I could show you my handwritten first drafts of them if you’d like.”

Her mouth opened and closed like that of a fish and then we exchanged the hugest neon smiles that ever existed on earth, and she flitted away to suck away all of the entertainment for her next victim.


Ms. Computer-Woman – 0. Technically educated sarcastic singer-songwriter bastard – 1.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/4289697/