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Creative

July 29, 2001 by admin

“Nothing To Say” is what almost every one of my songs starts out as in that somewhere near the beginning i’m lamenting my lack of words or feelings or actions or love or something else like that. My songwriting has never really been about having something so much as it’s been about having a lack of something, and “Nothing to Say” is the pinnacle of that … throwing up angry red flares at a nonexistant relationship just because i have nothing to say to it except for that i want to lash out but don’t have the right words.

I’ve got nothing to say – did you think it’d go any other way? I’ve been holding it all in – asphyxiate and now i’ve gone astray. Somewhere in my mind i knew all the words i had meant for you; I was trying to be kind, but now i just want to hurt you. I’ve got nowhere to run and it’s no fun – and you know i am hiding something where it won’t be found, deep under ground – under these sounds. Hiding under these sounds surround me all around my body i can’t see past your light, your skin, this day, this dimness – i am surrounded. I am out of my age: staring into the sun – i remember being young. It’s so far in my mind – it’s not the same after you’ve spent some time out in the life; it won’t apologize for the scars it leaves on you and me on me, but yours are more obscure. And looks decieve. sounds surround me all around my body i can’t see past your light, your skin, this day, this dimness – i am surrounded. I am bitter. Just ask me how i taste: like the salt over your shoulder. This is no kindof way for me to be, don’t you see? You and me… i’ve got things to lay out on the table. This is no kinda way to be, and i can’t say how i’d see things eye to eye. Maybe i can escape some kind of way, but i haven’t found a thing to say. I’ve got nothing to say.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4789536/

Filed Under: bthon'01, lyrics

July 29, 2001 by admin

Rabi and Martha both seem to like “colorblind” quite a bit, which is funny, because i think i never intended on playing it more than once. Or, maybe i had forgotten about it. Except, one day i found myself and my guitar in the middle of a field at Swarthmore and i asked Rabi what she might like to hear and she asked for “Colorblind,” and i halfway rewrote it while i was playing it, and after that i considered it a real part of my collection of songs the same way Rabi suddenly became not just a figment of the internet but a real friend. So, anyway, “Colorblind” was incredibly easy to record because it’s still exactly that malleable, and i wish everything in life would keep on being that easy.

My emotions flow out like sand in an hourglass filling up the past. They’re from a beach full of grains, like a pallet of colors, but this is what i’m left to paint with. I used all of my red to make a beautiful heart – that’s where it all started. And i lost the black and blue painting it to match you, and wiping out all the working parts. I had a rainbow of colors to paint our love, but now it’s just sand through my fingers. I’ll be lucky if i’m left with the grey sky that it was cast against to paint what lingers. I gave you my first times and I gave you my trust, and you just smoldered like a furnace. We were hot enough that all we did was combust, and ashes are all we’re left with. I had a rainbow of colors to paint our love, but now it’s just sand through my fingers. I’ll be lucky if i’m left with the grey sky that it was cast against to paint what lingers. The enormity of you and me made me colorblind. And now that that we’re through I’m scraping together all that’s left over of the colors i can find. I found a discarded green: the color of your envy. I’ve got white for my spotlight. ‘Cause you were center stage; you stole the applause from my life. And i’ve got just enough left over to paint a four leaf clover. Yeah, I’ll need all the luck in the world. ‘Cuz with all this black and white how will i ever find another beautiful girl?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4787400/

Filed Under: bthon'01, lyrics Tagged With: martha, rabi

July 29, 2001 by admin

I’m sortof stuck here doing nothing while i upload all of the things that Gina and I just recorded, so now i have some time to blog. I’ll work from the newer songs back.

Rabi just asked if “You Hear Her” was new, since she didn’t recognize it, but it’s actually one of the oldest songs i recorded for this; its from July of 1998. “You Hear Her” was the first song that came to me totally as ad-lib, as you can easily tell from the simplicity of the chord structure and lyrics. I wrote it after a brief phone-call with my friend Sara, who at the time was feeling especially plain and ignored by the boy she was after. So, i wrote her a song to cheer her up. I remember setting the phone on its side next to the speaker so that she could hear the real-audio of it. “More Than That” is from Relief, and to me it will always be the after-thought song … i wanted to have one more on the disc but i flubbed “No Second Chance,” so it was the only one i had left from the recording sessions. It’s actually not about a relationship at all, but about dealing with friends and roommates, which is why the person i’m singing to is a male.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4786264/

Filed Under: bthon'01, high school, songwriting

July 29, 2001 by admin

On the flipside, “Unstrung” is obliquely about my first exgirlfriend … inversing my feelings so that i’m bitter about her breaking up with me rather than me breaking up with her. I wrote it after having seen Peter Mulvey and Erin McKeown play at a local acoustic club. Peter and Erin are two of my favourite songwriters, and really two of my idols because neither of them are even 30 yet they know how to write amazing moving songs and they have thousands of people who gladly listen to them. I had never seen Erin play before and that night i saw her from barely five feet away and she’s very tiny but her songs were huge and towering and larger than life. So, i came home and tried to be her for a few minutes, with her jazz chords and fancy metaphor. I still prefer listening to her albums over mine, but a boy can try, can’t he?

You broke one of my heart-strings from playing around too hard; did you think it was just like me banging away on my guitar? I forget all the little things – i just know how things are, and i i’m gonna lead by your example and get far away. ’cause you poor little caged bird you never sang for me, but oh how your voice rang out after you got free. i had never before in my life heard such a beautiful noise: it sang the way you’d think my heart would sing if i had a choice, but… i’ve got a fantasy: it’s just you and me. we’re inside your room, in your bed, cause instead of leaving too soon you never left instead. Cause you left me here standing alone in the low tide, and you set out to sea like a ship rolling out with my pride. now i’m standing here all alone on the beach; just sitting here with sand on my feet but – i’ve got a fantasy. in it’s just you and me. we’re holding hands, ’cause you know in this one we never learned how to make demands. You broke one of my heart strings from playing around to hard, did you think it this was as easy as me restringing my guitar?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4783470/

Filed Under: bthon'01, lyrics

July 29, 2001 by admin

where is the pretty face you put on for show? i think you’re hiding that saving grace for no good reason, for later – and i’d hate you more if i didn’t watch your every move. and i will watch you put on anything you do. where is that whimsied smile that you’ve had for years? i’ve heard all about it keeping away your fears. i’d like a chance to see what those lips have wrought: i think you’d owe me that, if you just thought about it. and i will watch you do anything you choose. and i will wait for you to make your move. will it ever come?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4783363/

Filed Under: bthon'01, lyrics

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