Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

my music

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I’m sortof stuck here doing nothing while i upload all of the things that Gina and I just recorded, so now i have some time to blog. I’ll work from the newer songs back.

Rabi just asked if “You Hear Her” was new, since she didn’t recognize it, but it’s actually one of the oldest songs i recorded for this; its from July of 1998. “You Hear Her” was the first song that came to me totally as ad-lib, as you can easily tell from the simplicity of the chord structure and lyrics. I wrote it after a brief phone-call with my friend Sara, who at the time was feeling especially plain and ignored by the boy she was after. So, i wrote her a song to cheer her up. I remember setting the phone on its side next to the speaker so that she could hear the real-audio of it. “More Than That” is from Relief, and to me it will always be the after-thought song … i wanted to have one more on the disc but i flubbed “No Second Chance,” so it was the only one i had left from the recording sessions. It’s actually not about a relationship at all, but about dealing with friends and roommates, which is why the person i’m singing to is a male.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4786264/

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On the flipside, “Unstrung” is obliquely about my first exgirlfriend … inversing my feelings so that i’m bitter about her breaking up with me rather than me breaking up with her. I wrote it after having seen Peter Mulvey and Erin McKeown play at a local acoustic club. Peter and Erin are two of my favourite songwriters, and really two of my idols because neither of them are even 30 yet they know how to write amazing moving songs and they have thousands of people who gladly listen to them. I had never seen Erin play before and that night i saw her from barely five feet away and she’s very tiny but her songs were huge and towering and larger than life. So, i came home and tried to be her for a few minutes, with her jazz chords and fancy metaphor. I still prefer listening to her albums over mine, but a boy can try, can’t he?

You broke one of my heart-strings from playing around too hard; did you think it was just like me banging away on my guitar? I forget all the little things – i just know how things are, and i i’m gonna lead by your example and get far away. ’cause you poor little caged bird you never sang for me, but oh how your voice rang out after you got free. i had never before in my life heard such a beautiful noise: it sang the way you’d think my heart would sing if i had a choice, but… i’ve got a fantasy: it’s just you and me. we’re inside your room, in your bed, cause instead of leaving too soon you never left instead. Cause you left me here standing alone in the low tide, and you set out to sea like a ship rolling out with my pride. now i’m standing here all alone on the beach; just sitting here with sand on my feet but – i’ve got a fantasy. in it’s just you and me. we’re holding hands, ’cause you know in this one we never learned how to make demands. You broke one of my heart strings from playing around to hard, did you think it this was as easy as me restringing my guitar?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4783470/

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where is the pretty face you put on for show? i think you’re hiding that saving grace for no good reason, for later – and i’d hate you more if i didn’t watch your every move. and i will watch you put on anything you do. where is that whimsied smile that you’ve had for years? i’ve heard all about it keeping away your fears. i’d like a chance to see what those lips have wrought: i think you’d owe me that, if you just thought about it. and i will watch you do anything you choose. and i will wait for you to make your move. will it ever come?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4783363/

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“Will It Ever Come” is a funny little song, and the first beeside of the day to be from my demo cd. I decided that since this is theoretically bringing in an entirely new audience to add to my regular one it was okay to cheat a little and use the songs from my demo as beesides. But, anyway, it’s a special funny little song. First, that recording of it was a studio ad-lib… literally consisting of me asking if the tape was running and then playing it straight through without any extra takes, and then rewinding and adding the second vocal without even really thinking about what i was doing. Honestly, i had never even played the song all the way through before, it was just a set of lyrics i had with me.

The lyrics, which were some of the first to be featured on this blog, are their own funny little story. The night that i wrote them i had been to the house that some of the other people i do theatre with share, and one of those people was a girl that i was very much in love with at the time even though we were agreed to just be friends. I gave her a copy of my previous demo and we talked a little, and she had this winsome smile half the time, and when i got back to the dormitory i sat down and scribbled out “will it ever come” on a scrap of paper and then blogged it absentmindedly and forgot about it. If it wasn’t for my new demo it wouldn’t have ever seen the light of day.

And it was the last song i wrote about her.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4783342/

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“Burn” is something of a song of legend around these parts because it was the first thing i ever lost to Blogger’s edit window. I had been fixated on the word “burn” for the entire week and one night at about 3am i started writing and didn’t stop for a half hour and immediately pressed post to immortalize the words i had just wrung out of my subconsious. And, Blogger famously burped and ate my post which i didn’t think to back up. So, “Burn” as it exists right now is an amalgam of the thoughts i had been having at the time, but not the song it’s meant to be … that song is lost to the ether of the internet.

i can feel the heat on the back of my neck like the fires you lit you little arsonist you can’t help it and i know you burn just for show but i’m held back by your heat you know i won’t come any closer// i watched you kindle i’ll watch you burn i watched you kindle now i’ll watch you burn down// i see you light it up again and i smile as you keep burning within i know that you’ll torch every bridge i’ve seen the smoke rise up over the ridge and i can tell your hot for me i see see the pyres in your eyes wouldn’t you love to turn my tempature up to the boiling point of desire// i watched you kindle i’ll watch you burn i watched you kindle now i’ll watch you burn down// i’ll watch you wade out through the ash your hands dirty from what you brought crashing down up to your neck in the soot of the past it isn’t such a blast once you put it out// i watched you kindle i’ll watch you burn i watched you kindle now i’ll watch you burn down/

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4782380/