Whee! I’m back to posting normalcy and blogger won’t upload to my site! Isn’t the the story of my life…
by krisis
meta
I’m sitting here with a bag of frozen white bread and a tub of hummus that i accidentally stole from my girlfriend’s roommate two weeks ago snacking away while my ftp server mysteriously blinks in and out of existence. To get the white bread defrosted enough so that it’s not similar to eating cardboard i’ve got to hold it close to my mouth and breathe into it slowly, feeling the frost evaporate onto my fingers on the other side as my snack gets soft and flexible like it’s meant to be. I’m not sure if you’re actually reading this at this point because of my FTP issues, and that surely explains the lack of a new Trio despite my obviously having new material to work with.
The play goes up next week … 10 days from now. That’s scary. I mean, i can track my entire experience with the play through this log and it just doesn’t seem long or substantial enough. Not so long ago in the archives i was contemplating whether or not i should audition and now i’m contemplating if enough my extended family are going to want seat to gets a group discount. Maybe it’s because i haven’t had such a large role since high school, where we’d rehearse from January to nearly the end of March every single day, that i feel so grossly underprepared for this show; i don’t know my lines well enough, i don’t sing my song well enough, and i’m still finding my character. Of course, none of that really matters when i’m on stage, because somehow i just make it all work. I’m looking into getting some digital video to post to the page, so… we’ll see. I’m off to munch more hummus and rehearse for my rehearsal; take care of yourselves.
But, it’s all over now. And, i’m a better blogger for it, i think. For sure, SurvivorBlog managed to garner some of my best content within the last month, but i’d like to think that it’s refocused me a little, and allowed me to work the kinks out of my posting style without inflicting my pissiness on you all of the time. So, … i’m back. :p
I’m still on SurvivorBlog2, as improbable as that might seem. All of my net-friends loudly proclaimed that i’d get booted fast when they first found out that i was a contestant, though i don’t recall any of them qualifying their statement with any reasoning. It’s an odd thing,… all the fun dynamics of a group log but with the subtle undercurrent of competition for attention and favour. I actually quite like it. I managed to win immunity from voting all this past week, first with a lovely speech i made in ra/mp3, and then by being the least popular logger still on our virtual slice of the outback. That least popular bit surprised me at first, but it didn’t burn at all; i open up as much as any of the other posters, but i’m not around as much and i’m just not as quirky.
I’ve yet to have a vote against me, but since i was protected for a whole week for all i know i could be voted off by everyone tomorrow. In a way i want to stay around, but i see how much this page is suffering. Yes, i run to them with the hottest sparkling shards of my life, and this is just the bits that fall through the proverbial cracks. For a while the many hits i was drawing from Sblog2 related links subsidized the slow decline of you all (my actual readers), but now it’s getting a bit out of hand. It’s true that i needed some kind of break from this (as was evident from my mean-spirited and belaboured posts in early January), but i never intended to let it shrivel up and die.
When Blogger adds this week’s archive to the page, it’ll be the 26th one; i’ve been doing this for half a year now. Time fools me the same way that physical scale does. This school year seems to be dragging on forever, but it’s a whole month shy of how long i’ve been blogging and that seems like just a tiny dent in the whole of my life. I’ve been rehearsing Good Woman of Setzuan for a month now, and there’s just under a month left. The month that’s passed seems like it stretches back infinitely far, and the one to come feels as if it’s going to evaporate before me, leaving my grasping for my lines tomorrow night under the spotlight.
Coincidentally, today marks the month anniversary of something else too. If you read closely i think you might know what. I’m sorry that i haven’t been as omnipresent on here as i’ve been in the past, but it’s just the way things go. Maybe, finally, my life has gotten up enough momentum of its own that this can’t be just a continuously updated daily log of boredom. Maybe now i’m bringing back the tiny shiny gems of experience i find during the course of each day. Or maybe i find myself a bit too important for my own good. Who knows. Love ya, and i’m off to work on lines so that the spotlight doesn’t catch me by surprise.
You know, i sometimes get the idea that certain logs are illustrious and powerful just because i know their names. I mean… i don’t really actively seek out new blogs to read; i just happen upon the ones i happen upon. However, in my half a year of happenings i’ve seen a few names pop up more than i’ve seen others. Whether it be on PowerBlogger, or on the sidebar at blogger.com, or on other people’s lists of links, some names are just more visible than others. I think what eternally surprises me is what i find when i visit these sites; i expect them to be masterful works with strong narrative voice and a sense of direction, but most of the time the writers have a lot more in common with me than with my preconceived notion of them.
What’s funny is that i exist on the other side of that notion sometimes too. I mean, this log has been around long enough to give people the chance to see it linked from various placed without actually reading it, and the fact that some of them might come here with the sense that i’m in some way important is pretty boggling. Of course, maybe no one does that sort of thing but me; it wouldn’t be the first time.
Last night one of my best friends turned to me and said “I was sorta afraid to talk to you, because i figured you wouldn’t really be interested in someone like me.” It wasn’t that she thought i was too cool, or anything like that, she just made the assumption that i had enough friends as it was and to try to be befriend me was not worth the effort.
I couldn’t even believe my ears as i had this explained to me, because when i comes down to it i’m a very isolated person with very few friends who i actually talk to daily, and she just assumed that i didn’t need anyone else like that in my life. Well, i did, and thank god we actually wound up talking eventually, because i don’t know what i’d be doing without her at this point.
Moral? I don’t know. How about we try this: today go to your favourite log that always struck you as being famous and popular and groovy, and send the author an email telling them how much you appreciate their writing. You’d be amazed at the response you get, whether you get to see it or not. I’m on my way to my favourite famous-log now; you better be doing to same!