Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

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Excitement Is Ruining My Grammar

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It’s official.

I mean, we knew already from the many strips of paper and the lack of a period, but now we have a blood test that confirms it: you are having a baby.

I’ve been texting E about it all day. “Antici…”

She didn’t think it was as funny as I did.

The first thing I did was text Mel to tell her. To tell someone. I’m not sure how someone with a blog can be so very private about these things, but Mel is the only person in my world who even knew that E and I were talking about trying to get pregnant this year.

Why tell her and no one else? It’s something to do with her story, more than mine. I knew her before her kids, before there was any hint of them being on the way. I knew her through both pregnancies, and now on the other side, and she is the same brilliant, hilarious,  type-A person she was before – only now she’s that as well as the mom of two toddlers.

This has been a big part of my progress to becoming a willing father to be. In my life I’ve known so many people who have gone from vibrant adults to dull, disconnected parents who are no longer people in their own right. Before we got pregnant, I had to know – know that I could still be me, who loves words and music and making intricate plans. I didn’t want all of me to be undone just to have another person to look after.

I won’t say Mel is my only role model in that regard, but because we’re alike, and she is even more like E, she’s the one that’s brought me the most peace of mind. So, she’s who I told first, even though I can’t wait to tell Gina and Ross and all the other adopted aunts and uncles this eventual but no longer hypothetical baby will have.

Mel texted back two incoherent strings of text, and then: “Excitement is ruining my grammar!”

Yep, that’s Mel.

Note: This post was embargoed until we reached 20 weeks; it was made public on 3/20/2013.

Giving Thanks

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Thanksgiving was a two day dance.

We hosted two consecutive dinners, one for each of E’s parents. Lots of cooking and tidying and carefully avoiding any hint that E is pregnant, because we’re only one week into this thing and it is too, too early for anyone else to exist in this gossamer bubble of nervous excitement where we exist.

It’s a little difficult, because E is known to love wine, and she doesn’t typically exhibit my unpredictably willful stubbornness where you could believe at any given time that I’m never eating or drinking a certain thing ever again.

There’s something to be said for being an only child.

Now, on the other side of the second dinner we are down to just E’s sister and her new fiance. That’s the other reason we really didn’t want to get into people poking about pregnancy – this is their holiday to enjoy the intangible difference in life now that they are pledged to each other in a way everyone else can see.

Note: This post was embargoed until we reached 20 weeks; it was made public on 3/20/2013.

Definitely Probably Pregnant

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As I fall asleep, I think about cells rapidly dividing.

Nothing is ever a sure thing, but I am pretty sure we are pregnant.

ZygoteWe have been trying for a few months now, where “trying” means (close your eyes, future offspring) having sex with a little more consternation and chart-making than usual. I mean, depending on your usual sex, I guess.

This time around I don’t think it would be projection to say we both felt a little different as the week wore on. When we woke up yesterday, after much devil’s advocacy from both sides we wanted to take the test. I inquired if I needed to hold any sort of papers while E peed on them and was rapidly dismissed.

“Wait,” I said. “What should I do?”

“Not follow me into the bathroom?”

“No, I mean, what should I be doing in case you come downstairs and tell me we’re pregnant? I don’t want to be surfing the internet. This is a big moment.”

“It is,” she acceded, maybe fidgeting impatiently.

“How long does it take?”

“Five minutes.”

“I’m going to play a song. Something I wrote. A song about you.”

“Okay,” she said. And, maybe, “Can I go take the test now?”

“Yes. Okay.”

I played a song called “What Do You Want From Me?” which in retrospect was a peculiar choice. It’s a song about being an imperfect partner and lover, and being afraid you aren’t enough how you are. I don’t think I chose it with any intent, but it was a decent enough selection for five minutes of being Schrodinger’s Expectant Father.

She returned during the last verse and proffered me a tiny strip of paper full of arcane writing and a series of red lines.

“I think it’s positive.”

“What am I reading here?” I said, squinting down at the paper.

“Two red lines.”

two-red-lines“I see them. The one’s a little faint.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she replied. “I’m pregnant.”

Of course, this is me we’re talking about. E is growing a baby while I harbor an OCD Godzilla. She would need to test again. I would watch. Luckily, this was not the pee right on it sort of test. There was a sort of shot glass full of urine for testing purposes. Is that too much information? I’m just trying to be transparent about the utter ridiculousness of the situation. This is how new life is discovered.

We tested and I watched. Like a hawk. From two or three inches away from our second little urine-soaked paper strip while E kept time on a digital watch.

“I definitely see a second line.”

We were pregnant. Definitely. Probably.

“Can we just dip a fistful of the strips into the pee to be sure?”

She sighed, exasperated, maybe realizing she was in for nine months of me being the crazy one … and, that even if her hormones allowed her to briefly surpass my crazy, Godzilla and I would spring back into the lead and maintain it for the majority of our offspring’s 18 years of childhood.

“Imagine,” I encouraged E later in the day, “if we had a way to make just one or two of those cells the best possible cell right now. We’d wind up with a 12.5% better baby!”

That was most of the baby chat for the day. We’re not too precious. But, as I turned over in bed to face E all that was on my mind was cells that were once one and are now many, more even since we discovered them in the morning.

That was our baby.

Note: This post was embargoed until we reached 20 weeks; it was made public on 3/20/2013.

Crushing On: Productivity Tools ToDoist & TimeSheet

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I’m at my best when I’m on the clock.

That’s not just a euphemism for procrastinating until a deadline. I am consistently, measurably better at getting things done when I consistently measure what I’m getting done.

That’s always been true for me at work, especially starting in 2006 when I flourished like a unruly weed when paired with a project management system that allowed me to track my billable hours. Knowing what my to-do list consists of and how long I spend doing it is a huge motivator for me. I guess it was my own version of  “gamification” before that became a hip thing to do to everything in your life.

It hasn’t always been as easy to find the same productivity alchemy at home. I always have long-term goals and near-term projects I’m working on, but I don’t exactly have billable hours. Who is there to charge, aside from myself? Left to my own devices I’ll always pick the thing that is the most fun or the most methodical – which works out frequently to rehearsing, occasionally as laundry, and hardly ever as cleaning the bathroom.

I’ve found a website and an app that both nip that occasional path-of-least-resistance listlessness in the bud, but from slightly different directions.

ToDoist: a tasklist website and app

First, there’s ToDoist. I found it over the summer after demoing over a dozen task management systems online to help my wrangle dozens of things I was hoping to get done. Some of the services were no-frills checklists, while others were practically their own personal Outlook installation.

ToDoist falls closer to the former side of the scale – it’s a simply, obvious checklist that allows you to group tasks into projects and set deadlines and priorities.

When I checked out other systems, I discovered the lack of projects and priorities to be a real dealbreaker. If you can’t organize your tasks or give them some sense of order then you might as well be working with a pen and paper – which is cool and all, but I wanted something dynamic that worked from any internet connection as well as on my phone.

ToDoist does the trick, and for a mere $2 a month you can add improved filtering, tagging, searches, and reminders – totally worth it!

ToDoist meant I was actually crossing things off my list of at-home to-dos – awesome! However, it lacked one feature I really treasure about entering billable hours at work – the ability to perform an audit on what I was spending (wasting?) the most time on. I find that’s a useful exercise to undergo both at work and at home to normalize your expectations … like, your commute is always 45 minutes, so stop being so sure you can leave work late and still get home by six!

Timesheet: a time tracker app for Android

I needed a super-straightforward phone app – effectively, just a stopwatch for tasks. I found my match in a free app called TimeSheet.

It’s the perfect tool for a freelancer or home project enthusiast. You can set up multiple projects, each with a client and a billable rate. When you start working you simply start the clock on your project! When you’re done you stop the clock and wind up with a handy task summary that breaks out your billability and allows you to add expenses and notes. You can also add tasks after the fact without the clock, and export your data to Excel.

Is this overkill for a week or two of auditing how I spend my time? A little. But, you don’t have to use all of those features. Heck, you could use it just for one thing you are trying to bring more of in your life, like working on your NaBloPoMo book or mixing your band’s new album.

(Not that I need extra motivation to do either of those.)

(Okay, maybe just a little.)

In just three days I found out that I’m getting way more sleep than I used to, and that my commute takes up a lot more time in aggregate than I realized – so I should find something productive to do while I’m in transit. I also decided I could be spending a minimum of time each day doing other things (a-hem: blogging), so I added projects for those too.

There you have it – two free productivity tools that can help you get a better handle on your time. I’m totally into them both, so hopefully you can find some use for them too.

Now it’s your turn: What productivity tool are you crushing on lately? Is it super-techy, or as simple as a pen and paper?

Filmstar at the NorthStar

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Waiting to go on with Filmstar at NorthStar Bar.

 

Since taking this photo we’ve begun watching the so-far awesome The Way Home, who played with Filmstar long before my joining two years ago. Three and four part harmony, awesome keyboard vibes, acoustic/electric mashup – pushing pretty much all my buttons.

We’re playing next, followed by our esteemed colleagues in Venice Sunlight.