Wow, so, okay, you know how i mention from time to time how i need to be more of a bitch? It’s sorta a running theme with me that i love to please everyone; this tends to be evidenced by the fact that no one ever seems to have a serious dislike of me despite me having a stubbornly assertive personality. This recently became a major problem at work because i was overbooking myself for visiting students because i refused to turn away anyone who had a nice phone manner. That ended pretty quickly, after i almost didn’t have a host for a few students. So… now that tiny ability to say ‘no’ is starting to balloon outward slowly in my gut, as if every time someone tries to walk on me i’m breathing hard to inflate it. Is it possible that any of you have been around long enough to remember Viktor? Well… the other day he walked by me and said hello and i told him quite succinctly to “fuck off.” Apparently now he mildy fears me, though he can’t understand what my problem is with him.
The thing is, i shouldn’t have to make him understand. As a human being i have the right to randomly dislike people without giving a single reason. Furthermore, i should be allowed to like it. And,… wow… i do. There’s some tiny little urge inside me to justify my reasons for not liking someone, but it’s getting pushed aside by that balloon as it swells bigger and bigger. Of course, the truly professional thing to do is to have a “bitch” inside you and to harness her and use her when people try to pull a fast on on you, but i figure before i get fine control over her i’ll have to lash out a few times ;)