Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

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(a)Live, (and back) From Australia: Part 1

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You may have detected with your keen bloggy-senses that I took a weekend holiday from CK to commemorate Elise’s return to American soil.

Well, half of it was in commemoration. The other half was spent in a ridiculous house-cleaning freakout fueled by the inexorable OCD Godzilla demon that resides in the hereditary depths of my soul.

(And, actually, about a fifth of that half was spent on the couch watching season five of Buffy and eating peanut butter out of a jar. But, I digress.)

I am still absorbing the national wealth and wonder of Australia via Elise’s stories (the best of which is about how she kidnapped a small boy to tow her kayak) (no, really), but right now I have to share the two that paint the pair of us in the most ridiculously naive light.

I’ll go first.

I’ve always assumed that kangaroos are are… you know… special. I’ve only ever seen one or two of them in my life time and, after all, they are a national emblem. So, while they might not be bald eagle special, I’ve spent my entire life assuming that they are least as special as a grizzly bear, or maybe a dolphin – something you don’t often see in your daily travels unless you live adjacent to a very specific terrain.

Plus: marsupials!

Also: adorable, in a strangely rodent sort of way.

Well, if you thought something similar in your decidedly nationalistic naivety I hate to shatter your illusions, but apparently we were dead wrong.

Not about the latter two things, mind you; no one can take those away. We’re just wrong about the relative scarcity.

Because, you see, kangaroo are common. Quite common. As common as deer are in Pennsylvania, especially in that you are most likely to encounter them grazing in your yard or narrowly averting them in the middle of a road, and they are fair (and even welcome) game for hunting and eating.

This seems like the sort of imperatively important thing I should have learned in second grade, or whenever the teacher reveals to a shocked and awed classroom that there are other countries where people don’t spend American dollars.

(Actually, I knew that all along, and as early as kindergarten and as late as fifth grade I was endlessly amused by the morons my peers who didn’t understand that Philadelphia was a city and Pennsylvania was a state, let alone the nuances of zip codes. But, here I have to digress yet again. Back to kangaroos.)

I mean… deer are just Bambi, you know? They don’t do anything special like, say, fucking hop at speeds up to 44 miles per hour, or carry their young in a built-in fanny pack. They just walk around and… well, that’s really all they do.

My point being, deer aren’t magical, imaginary, cartoon creatures that just happen to be real.

Illusions shattered. Seriously, I can never go back.

Tune in tomorrow for Elise’s way, way more flagrant display of nativity, which – unlike mine – can’t even be blamed on being an ignorant American.

Lessons Learned as a Temporary Bachelor

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As of tonight Elise has been away from Philadelphia for over two weeks.

That not only marks the longest time I’ve gone without seeing her since January of 2002, but also the longest time I’ve ever lived alone.

Effectively, I’ve been a bachelor for the first time in close to six years. which was a pretty big eye opener. What I realized is that even when you function independently as part of a pair, somewhere in your mind you are considering what your other half is doing, and when you’ll see them next. With Elise half the world (and about 24-hours of travel) away, those back-of-mind ticklers were rendered inert.

Here are the ten things I learned while left alone with my brain.

  • 10. I can easily get up on time if I don’t have another person’s alarm clock to confuse me…
  • 9. And, I sometimes really do prefer to sleep on the couch.
  • 8. I enjoy going out for drinks. A lot. And, I don’t tend to drink to excess if I’m coming home alone.
  • 7. Playing guitar alone in the house is only a priority when I have a limited time to do it. (Like, more limited than two weeks)
  • 6. Begrudingly adhered-to habits (like dieting or room tidying) are only fun when I have someone else to gloat to about my success.
  • 5. Conversely, enjoyable or self-affirming habits (like blogging or teeth whitening) are easier to keep up when I’m entirely under my own recognizance.
  • 4. I never, ever, ever turn off the hallway light, even when I am convinced that I recall turning it off.
  • 3. I know absolutely nothing about the function or repair of toilets.
  • 2. My main motivation to do laundry is not lack of clothing – it’s actually peer pressure.
  • 1. I really like Elise.

Fast Asleep or Rocking Out With The Band?

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The first rock concert Gina and I ever attended was The Presidents of the United States of America.

Over the summer the reformed band visited the studio @ Daytrotter, and amidst a trio of newer tunes they also turned in an acoustic version of “Lump.”

Also @ Daytrotter: Catfish Haven returns for an encore session and turns in one of my favorite Bowie songs, which is actually a Rolling Stones cover – “Let’s Spend The Night Together“.

Gina and I are so going to play at Daytrotter within the next two years. Mark my words.

And, on that note, we’re off to play at a bar.

Your Next Link Post

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Trent Reznor now free of record label. Given how white-hot-awesome the marketing for NIN’s last record was I can’t wait to see what he does in the absence of a label.

1-800-GOOG-411 is Google’s new, free, voice-recognition driven information service. Put it on speed dial, now.

What Should I Read Next suggests a next book based on your last.

Jason Lewis traveled around the world on his own muscle power. It took him 13 years.

Turn any regularly updated page you read into an RSS feed.

Predictify allows you to predict upcoming world events, and pays you for being correct.