As of now i can’t really think of why i wasn’t eating meat for over two years. I mean, i know the reason, and it’s been documented in this very blog for all to see, but i don’t know why it became such a big part of my identity. Last night i had a chicken cheesesteak, for the first time in years. I loved every bite of it. In fact, i might have another one for dinner tonite! It’s hard to believe that just a week ago i would’ve turned my nose up in disgust at that sandwich (well, actually i’ve been drooling over such treats for about a month before finally giving in, but i think you get my point). It just goes to show you how people change… between my short hair, lack of shiny clothing, and omnivorous lifestyle, i’m not sure that people from highschool would even recognize me! I can’t wait for our five-year reunion :p
My life is a set of neverendingly opened parentheses. For example, i’m currently reading articles on Shafted rather than blogging. However, blogging would only be an excuse not to work on my website. However, one might note that, in general, working on my website is a way for me to avoid actually creating new content for my website. And, typically creating new content for my website is a way for me to avoid doing something else that i should do, like working on new songs. But, really, new songs are just an excuse for avoiding actual social interaction, which i shun whenever possible. Especially dating; i’ll have none of that. Of course, even i were writing songs, i ought to be practicing instead. However, i only ever practice what i want to practice on guitar, not anything that will actually help me to better my playing. Anyhow, even if i was bettering my playing, my guitar is simply an excuse not to do schoolwork. So, really i should be doing schoolwork. However, none of the classes i have right now really pertain to my major, so really i should be in 18 credits worth of different classes. Even if i was in other classes, i’d still be a Journalism major, which is really a bit of a cop-out, considering my skills in other more quantative subjects. Or, at least i should be in a more rigourous curriculum of Journalism, but instead i’m at Drexel. I’m at Drexel because i dragged my feet too much when i was supposed to be looking at various Liberal Arts schools. I was only looking at those schools because i hadn’t decided on a major, and also because i had stopped truly applying myself in school years earlier. And, why had i stopped applying myself? Mostly because i was too busy on the internet and playing guitar.
There, does that make you feel any better about yourself?
Babe, don’t tell me these things. Maybe i should just stop looking back at highschool saying that i wasted it and start picking up the things i missed, but there’s only so much time after you subtract school and theatre and music and work and webpage. Getting older is hard, no matter what age you’re moving on from. At least you seem to have a story for every month that passed.
New Trio is up and featured a bit more prominently on the sidebar (god only knows how people were expected to find the link from last week, ‘cuz i don’t). I encourage you to listen to it, since this entire site really did start from my music (which remains the center-piece). This blog just adds background to where i’m coming from in my songs.
On that note, i’m gonna talk about “deadweight,” which is one of the songs from this week. I originally wrote the lyrics in July of 1999, and then arranged it in early August. When i first wrote the lyrics i thought they would head in the musically jerky direction of Elastica’s “Hold Me Now,” but i wound up being more influenced by my summer obsession with Melissa Ferrick (one part Ani, one part Melissa Etheridge, shake well). I actually didn’t think “deadweight” would amount to very much at all, which is evidenced by the fact that i wrote it upside down in the margins of another song (which remains unused).
The chorus came first to me first: here i was headed to college while some people seemed to be intent on keeping me rooted to the spot where i stood in every sense. While most people tend to think the song is about my mother once they hear that much about it, it’s actually about a friend of mine from highschool. He was perfectly fine as a friend, but his whole life was centered very much around secrecy, competition, and negative energy. I increasingly found that being with him kept me rooted in the catty snappish spot i spent much of high school in, and i didn’t want to be there anymore. However, as many times as i tried to “cut him loose” in the past, i always wound up friend with him again. Realizing all of this in “deadweight” put an end to the vicious cycle; i haven’t spoken with him since.