I don’t think i’m ever going to be able to live somewhere where i can’t sit in front of my computer in my underwear at odd hours of the night staring at the internet and trying to think of something to say.
by krisis
thoughts
You sit down and promise to write all this week and then you get distracted by food and television and work and sleep and suddenly it’s friday and you’ve got one post to show for all of your trouble and you already forget everything you had meant to say this week other than “i’m tired” or “i’m bored” so you just head back to work for another few hours until you can go home.
A general malaise; now that i have gotten some things accomplished everything else has just faded out of sight. Sitting here in my navy blue underwear trying to decide if i should play guitar for three more minutes or just turn the air-conditioning down. Stack of albums to my right that i’ve listened to already, none of which i recall hearing. Half eaten container of macaroni & cheese in the fridge.
I really should have gone to work today.
Wow, it’s been a while since i sat down just to write something rambly, pointless, and dripping with sarcasm.
I definitely feel more real now.
Waking up early reminds me of my old homes and of high school. How i used to be so sleepy that i couldn’t imagine moving, let alone showering or eating or walking to the car, but i knew that i didn’t have a choice. Being the first student into my high school at 6:59 just as they turned off our industrial strength alarm, and wandering the empty halls up to my homeroom where i would lay my head against the cool black surface of my lab table and drift off until other people began to drift in a half hour later.
Being adult about something is so jarring, so unusual. I make a decision that i know doesn’t make me happy, but it makes sense, and i wonder how i ever learned to do that. This morning at twenty to seven i could’ve just turned the lock on my door and went back to bed – ignoring the imminent calls of Lindsay and Kate for me to join the early edition of our car pool. I wanted to sleep another hour. I want to sleep another hour right now. But i didn’t, and i’m still not; i am here at work marveling that i am getting anything done despite the cobwebbed haze of sleep that is still shrouding my consciousness hours later.
There’s something about responsibility. There is something about appreciating it more, and also something about knowing what’s important. But, i sometimes still forget to differentiate between things that are important to do and things that are important to me.
In other news, i defragmented my hard drive, devirginized my new blender, and bought two really sexy shirts for $20 at the newly (and inexplicably) renamed Express For Men. How Have You Been?