Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

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Everything has been more vivid lately. It started out with my shirts at work … all of them stand out as if someone coated me with melted crayolas against the bleaker greys and blues my coworkers wear. But, that vividness started to bleed into the rest of my life as well; this weekend sitting on Kathe’s floor singing along to songs that both of us didn’t know the words to i felt more real and grounded than i had in weeks. I’ve been out to eat five nights in a row, surrounded by other people with eyes twinkling and mouths rattling and finally realizing that i’m surrounded by a world where sometimes before it was more like a world surrounding me. At work i have the power to put a smile on someone’s face, or to get them to think about what they’re doing with the rest of there life. I made my friends laugh for an hour straight tonight over dinner just by being me. It’s like my life, in hypercolor: everything is brighter, and the contrast is sharper than ever.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2980367/

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I wish you could save feelings. I wish i could take raw emotion and seal it airtight in a ziplock back and hide it at the back of my sock drawer for when i needed a reminder of what a really pure feeling felt like. I would hide happiness there, where i could find it anytime … just take a peek in the morning when i put on my socks to make sure it still existed. But, sometimes we need to be reminded of other things too. Sometimes you need to be able to see the entire forest instead of just some trees; sometimes the whole of your emotion can be blinded by the tiny details that catch your eye. I wish i could keep hatred tucked under the tray of my only Offspring cd, because i never even listen to it. But, knowing it’s there makes a difference.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2980312/

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I hate Woody Allen movies, honestly, i do. I think Woody’s just a boring insipid geek who directs well but can’t act. Of course, i base this on his older movies, since Matt’s friend Amy seems to have a penchant for showing up at our apartment with pre-1990 Woody Allen movies. Right now we’re watching Bananas, which makes so little sense that i’m only really paying attention to the soundtrack (this insane mix of mariachi music and… um… ragtime swing). It’s funny, because now Allen is known for rambling intellectual films, but his old movies seem to have more in common with Mel Brooks or even Naked Gun movies. It’s odd. I hardly know how to judge the old stuff. So… i’ve just decided to hate it.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2979483/

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I saw Selina today. Only for a handful of minutes… i gave her a too-expensive digital video tape from last semester to use for her class. She’s in the same class that lead me to ponder how a close-up view of someones face is totally different from watching them from afar. Yeah. Anyhow, it’d been over two weeks since i saw Selina at all, and that’s a long time. Today felt right, though. We spoke as friends, we made irrelevant commentary on things, and we both had a smile on our face. Afterwards i had my first voice lesson. It all felt right.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2979273/