Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

gina

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After the movie we saw a friend of mine who i haven’t been in school with for over half a decade, though i saw her almost exactly two years ago this week. The last time I saw her was at the sneak-preview day for accepted students at Drexel; i remember that she was fairly sure she’d be attending a different college but she was going to be a journalism major too and we had fun catching up with each other. Later that day i wound up on the lawn of Buckley Green with Gina, Joey, and our old friend Matt. We just sat there and speculated on all the ways college would change our lives. The conversation is etched into my memory indelibly as one of those eerily foreshadowing moments that seem like they were originally found on 90210 on that last episode before they all went to college together.

Here we are two years later. At the movie theatre, when i asked how she was, she told me she had a little girl. She couldn’t find a picture of her to show me. When she asked me what my major was at Drexel i said “Journalism, still,” and she said “That was my major…” I told her to take care of herself and she smiled at me.

People shouldn’t be allowed to have sex while they’re in college. Especially the smart people.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2769069/

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krisis: Argh…. i need to join a band. I have no motivation by myself. I’m gonna start a band while on co-op

amesdevil: i’ll learn to play guitar for you baby.

krisis: Whoo!

krisis: Gina’s got the electric now … all we need is a bass player and a drummer

amesdevil: dude i so wish i was talented i want to be in a band.

amesdevil: if i learn a few chords you should take me in. i’m good for a joke and i’ll make you all look real good when were on the cover of rolling stone.

amesdevil: pleeeeeeeease

amesdevil: i’m being serious. i own an accordian. show me some love.

krisis: Dude, i think it’s in the cards for me to be the talentless one in the band…

amesdevil: i’ll be a fly girl.

krisis: Can’t you learn to play drums???

amesdevil: drums?

amesdevil: how hard is a bass?

krisis: Not too hard. At first you get to play all roots.

krisis: Fast fingers needed, tho

amesdevil: i have the fastest fingers this side of the mason dixon line.

amesdevil: i’m down right john cusack being john malkovich fast.

amesdevil: i was supposed to be a pupetteer.

krisis: LOL

krisis: I’ll bring my bass and amp over sometime for a jam

amesdevil: YES

amesdevil: do it.

amesdevil: i can carry a tune too. well enough to be backup! come on! i love you more today than yesterday (nudge nudge)

krisis: Erm…. why does this feel like behind the music waiting to happen?

amesdevil: because we’re gonna be huge.

amesdevil: i’m talking rolling stones.

krisis: Here i thought it was because of the alchoholism inherent in our plan…

amesdevil: we’re gonna be bigger than god!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2663194/

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I had to sing in rehearsal today, without my guitar. Scary stuff. Another tuner popped off of it a few days ago in the middle of trying to record a Trio, so i finally gave in and sent the poor thing to the shop for a bit of maintenance. Afterwords, Gina and I went on a mad guitar shopping spree where nothing was actually bought but lots of things were touched and ‘ooohed’ at. But, i might not spend money on a new guitar, because i want to go here.

For those not in the know, the South by Southwest Conference is sortof a point of convergence for all sorts of hip folks in the realms of internet and music, and, as it turns out, ten or more SurvivorBloggers of past and present are planning on attending and throwing some wicked hotel parties. Yeah. So, aside from the fact that i’m gonna get hit on more than a 5-year old boy at a MAMBA convention, it seems like it’d be a nice break before finals. Of course… to go to the music & internet portions of the festival i’d have to stay straight through my finals week, which would be a little iffy to plan now seeing as i don’t know when my finals will be. But, either way, i might be going to Texas! Yee-haw!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2126036/

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My life weebles and wobbles but it just doesn’t fall down. I can’t explain it. Despite the most awful things happening, they always turn out for the best in the end.

My mother and i were essentially kicked out of our house at the end of my Junior year by the owners because they wanted to sell it. I had lived in that house for all but three years of my life. I refused to leave. My mother wanted to buy a nice little house somewhere verging on suburbia, but there was the small matter of my attending the best highschool in the state, which i would hardly have left just for senior year. In the end i convinced her to rent a house on the verges of South Philly, because i know that when she actually buys a place it should be one she loves, not one she settles for. It was all very depressing at the time, but Senior year wound up being one of the best of my life, despite all the shitty parts. I wound up living within walking distance of Gina and Anastasia, and i could actually take a shopping trip to South Street at my leisure. I had my own room on my own tiny third floor. Our kitchen was nice. I was happy.


Lots of other things have righted themselves over the years to keep my life going at its usual pace. I only got into a local university but they gave me lots of money and inexplicably wound up happy there. I almost didn’t find an apartment (chronicled at length in the first week of the archive) but wound up in a super-cheap and easily accessible one. But, life doesn’t always work out so perfectly. For some people, it doesn’t work out at all. I have too many friends who got into a local university and got zero money who are now unhappy and in debt. I know too many people who had to move home because they didn’t figure out where to live in time for the beginning of the semester. I know too many unhappy people.

Yesterday i confronted the fact that my smile might have finally become used up. For years and years i just glided through my occasional problems with a grin pasted onto my face, because they all got fixed eventually and life moved on. Suddenly i’m starting to realize that not everything fixes itself, and that i don’t know how much good cheer i really have left to get me through the bad spots


Imagine that… i’m 19 and just learning that “happily ever after” only really happens in fairy tales and first-date movies. I’ve never had to confront the possibility before; i always assumed that bad things only happened to people who weren’t thinking positively. Now i’m starting to realize that keeping a smile on my face isn’t the best defense, and that sometimes it cuts as cruelly as any situation i might be unsuspectingly plunged into. But my life is still all-good, and that scares me. No one is continually blessed. The gods only have so much attention to give.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2097862/