Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

q.o.d.

by

Damnit, you’re not supposed to ask me to reconsider after i break your heart. You’re supposed to stay broken, like i am. You’re making me cry again; this was supposed to be the easiest way out. But, there’s not an easy way, is there? I know you’re reading this from time to time. I still love you, and i spent all last night whining to my friends that i obviously made a big mistake in breaking up and not working it out. But, i’m not so sure now. As much as i like *you*, i don’t know if i need *us* in my life right now. I wish it could just be easy and casual and simple, but we both actually do like each other too much … except i can’t show it because it intrudes on the rest of my life, and you show it all the time. This is entirely my fault, you know, and you’re still as beautiful and intelligent as the day i met you. More, actually. But… it felt like something destructive to me instead of constructive, and if i came crawling back now i’d never have the heart to break up with you again. And, eventually it will need to end. I just was stupid enough to make that eventually now…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2719194/

by

Isn’t it sick how i use my personal misery as fodder for traffic? Ironically, i stubbornly refused to talk about her while i was dating her because it seemed like a private affair, but this log has always been about yearns and burns, and i’m definitely doing a lot more of both right now than i’ve been doing recently. Still, this does feel a little destructive – but it also feels rather cathartic: i can unload bits and pieces of it on my friends, but here i can unload all of it and have it to come back to as proof of what i was feeling. And, godforbid i ever lose track of a feeling … maybe i should have blogged about how much i liked her to begin with.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2718694/

by

Hmph. G’morning. She seems to be reading this now, which is amusing because we had just both agreed not to read each other’s webpages a few days ago. To be fair, she probably caught wind of it from reading Post-sBlog2 and came over to see what i was saying. She just informed me that she was not drinking virgin drinks the entire night and that she got severely drunk, which is fine by me, but i know i saved her at least two or three shots worth of misery (which could have been the difference between drunk and getting hurt). Even having slept on her last comment (scroll down two posts, silly) made by email i don’t know what to do – and of course she read that i don’t know what to do and now knows that in reality she’s in control, because i didn’t really want to break up. But… i might want to stay broken up. I don’t know.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2718660/

by

shit shit shit shit shit. never read drunk emails from your ex-girlfriend less than half a day after regrettably breaking up with her…

should you wish to take back what you’ve done

I’ll forgive you without a moment’s hesitation

All the more sensitive and drunk parts were left out for all of our benefits, but … but … she offered me an out. I can swallow my pride (because i was stupid and it was entirely my fault) and go back to her and make it all work. But i shouldn’t. Or should i? Shit. Shit shit shit. Never read drunk emails from your ex-girlfriend at 4am, especially if you still love her, even if you’re totally sober.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2715874/

by

So, i arrive at the party and have a drink made for me, because i’m a social drinker and i drink socially. Near the bottom of the drink, she showed up (not that i begrudged her the party, because they’re her friends too, but i didn’t think she was coming). What ensued was a hilarious competition to see who could get more hammered and have more lamentable flirtations in order to make the other person feel even worse. Of course, i kept on nursing the same drinks for most of the night, and i had instructed the entire party to make her virgin drinks so she only got a shot or two into her the whole time. So, i was blissfully numb and she was trying to be totally wrecked even though she wasn’t. And she slapped me a few times. But i’m sure i deserved it. Every few seconds of interaction there was actually a glimmer of that friendly smile – and that’s all i really want, at this point.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2715854/