Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

my music

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i scream so silent/ i cry so dry/ i wish on a star/ that’s not in the sky/ i’m so happy when I frown/ and for fish who tend to drown/ in water so hot it’s cold// and you aren’t like putty/ in my hands/ with which I can mold// so numb until you feel/ it’s not all quite for real/ and it’ll do you no much good/ and i’ll still cry so dry/ and wish not to the sky/ and you’ll never be with me// i can’t control you/ and I can’t console you/ so what use can you be?/ you’re so indepent-needy/ and unscathed-bleedy/ emotional and otherwise…// we’re not meant for each other/ i’m more like your brother/ so with you I’ll never be/ so i’ll wish my last wish/ say goodbye to the fish/ and drown into the sea…//

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4797557/

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“Without You i Cry” was the first song i ever wrote, only at the time it was just a poem. But, Gina took it and songed it without even really thinking about it and now i’m glad she did, because that may have been why i decided i wanted to play guitar, and obviously it’s totally changed my entire life. It’s simple, and the language is wholly atypical of most of my work, but it’s mean, and we only knew simple chords at the time – can you tell? “With or Without You” wasn’t the first time i ever stood in front of people and played guitar, but it was the first time i had to prove my worth since it was for a talent show, and, of course, Gina dragged our asses into that without much effect from me in either direction.

The first time i ever sang on stage was also with Gina, at the end of my sophomore year of highschool when we sang “Sharks Can’t Sleep” as a quartet. No one believed i could sing back then (least of all Gina, i suspect), but the way i remember it i went to her and promised i’d be able to sing my verse if they’d let my have one, and so they did, and i held back my tiny breath and sang it, and all of the judges looked at me and then the next week we opened the talent show. So, that was two talent shows in a row. Did i mention that Gina rocks?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4797162/

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Ahh, just when i thought i was ready to pass out i put on “Gone” and it all got better. It’s so cool when you hear Gina & I smile while we’re singing. rabi claims to be able to exactly picture the looks on my face when she hears a recording of me, and while i’m skeptical i think it’s entirely possible… she saw me do “punk” and “under my skin” in person, and they’re surely my two most expressive songs. So, who knows. Honestly, i don’t even know what the hell face i’m making when i sing, but usually it doesn’t make me look any more attractive than i am when my mouth is firmly shut.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4796754/

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Fellow theatre-chick (erm, that came out wrong) Hillary declared “Hold On Me” the “creepy fingers” song from the first time she heard it backstage at rehearsal for good woman of setzuan, and to this day i’m more likely to refer to it as “creepy fingers” than by it’s given name. Someone else entirely made the comment that the lyrics and the music don’t quite feel like they match… like one is rawer and bloodier and angrier than the other. However, i’m not sure which one is which.

i slept on top of the sheets because i didn’t trust what might happen. i didn’t mind your looming lips, but i was worried about your hands. i knew you’d put me under them soon enough – yeah i knew you’d play rough. your intentions were as clear as the act that you put up to get me into you. and who-oa you’ve got a hold on me. 2am and i am walking to your place wondering if these feelings will ever last. but, either way you’ve got your hooks sunk deep into me, and don’t you know that they’re holding fast. and who-oa you’ve got a hold on me. and everything with you feels just like the first time. so. let’s refine this, baby, let’s define this; i’ll need a dictionary for what i’m feeling. but a 1,000 words could never paint the picture of my face close enough to steal your breath! and all i ever wanted was something real – someone to listen to all these words, and your ears would be my favourite part of this except for all that i’ve left unheard. and who-oa you’ve got a hold on me. i slept on top of the sheets because i didn’t trust what might happen; i didn’t mind your looming lips, but i was in trouble when i set foot in your bed

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4796600/

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“Splinter” and “Hold On Me” are like fraternal twins born with a deathgrip around each other’s umbilical chords… one can never be well-liked and popular while the other one is doing the same. So, “Hold On Me” came out to shine while i was recording my demo, but shortly afterwards it was usurped by “Splinter” because it was Gina’s favourite. But two weeks ago “Hold On Me” came back with blistering heat an emotion, displacing it’s twin again. Will they ever be able to share space on a demo? At least with one as the flipside to the other they don’t have to look at each other…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4796371/