Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

cultivation theory

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I just valiantly trucked through a take of trio that just wasn’t all there. i’m hot, and the mess is making me claustrophobic, and my high string broke, and my finger hurts, and i am not in a music making mood. The tracks were going to be “Nothing to Say,” “Like Mine,” and “Give” – all of which qualify as being rather difficult for me to play, so apparently now is not the best time. It’s probably because my body expects some alcohol by this point in a week, even if it’s a ButterShot. I should keep a bottle of those around just for that purpose … wow, which would make me a Behind the Music episode ready to happen. I suppose all those rock and roll stars established their unhealthy patterns pretty young and they just blossomed in the limelight. Ack, what a horrible meandering post this is. Talk to you later.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/11/1464695/

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It’s not as though the show is about me, but i think it just makes me realize that i have no right to be so annoyed that everyone thinks i’m gay, because i really do send out all the signals. And, i don’t mean to… i mean, it’s obviously not a gay thing, but a culture thing – i grew up listening to Madonna and Culture club, and i gesture when i talk, and i take shots at fashion and hair-dos. But, what does that all mean, really? I make snap assumptions about people’s sexual preference based on their small habits too, but i don’t assume anything about them. Those are two different things entirely.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/11/1462385/

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Every once in a while when i’m bored i write a Soap Opera in my head. It would be sorta Beverly Hills 90210-ish, but more expansively cast like a real soap-opera (or, the latter years of Melrose Place). Every time something somewhat significant happens to me i try to plot ahead to the next episode, where more senstation happenings will occur. Last night had a lot of possible endings in the realm of Soap-Opera, but the one it wound up with was perhaps the most perfect of all… me walking home alone feeling both hope and closure. But, now tiny tendrils of new plots are starting to grow up from the cracks in the proverbial sidewalk of life. What can i say’ it keeps me tuned in.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/11/1403878/

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Anyhow… so, if my life’s teevee version is going anything like it would be if it was a Must-See sitcom, the girl would be chasing me now. Because… because i’ve been playing “Ross” my whole life (except for never having a pet monkey) (yet), and every girl has been “Rachel,” and eventually one of them has to turn around and notice me after i think that hope is gone. Except.. that sorta requires me to move on in an adult-like fashion, which i’m not so wonderful at doing. Of course, Ross had a crush on Rachel for about a decade. So, i’ve got nine years left, at least. And i’m set for the wait.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/10/1067602/

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Wow, watching old Friends episodes is so strange. Watching Ross moon over Rachel while knowing the whole time that they almost sleep with each other out of pity in this season’s opener, or Chandler and Monica quipping at each other. And this bit… “She said she’s looking for a relationship with someone just like me.” “She did?” “Well, i added the ‘someone just like me’ part.” … err, and also a bit eery. Shades of real life… well … ugh, that’s a whole other post entirely. Stay tuned.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/10/1067518/