Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

bloggish

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There are currently five people who live in this house in one capacity or another, even though i’m currently the only one here. Three of those people have logged into blogger or sitemeter from this computer in the last 24 hours. The two other than me who are (becoming) (rapidly) addicted to blogging (and, of course, their site statistics) also happen to bake me yummy things whenever i fall asleep or leave the house, so i think the use of my computer is a fair trade.


Welcome to the circus that is my life. In other news, this why i read everything JillMatrix links to as daily as i possibly can:

“I suppose,” she said. “There should be a law about these people with web diaries or they should all wear identifying clothing or something, so that innocent bystanders who don’t need some perverse kind of public fame can know to steer clear.”

I thought that’s what my Blogger T-shirt was for…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75021707/

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So, hi, it’s fucking spring outside with a vengeance. I just thought it’d share.

This has just been… whacky, lately. I mean, not to meta-blog more than i typically do, but the whole point of this is what i’m crushing on. It’s about those awkward moments, tremendous failures, and tiny victories. But, what happens when this is my awkward moment? What happens if my life is sailing smoothly elsewhere and this is the moment of doubt and trepidation, where i don’t know what to do or what to say?

Last year i kept Selina a virtual secret from my blog the entire time we dated … i’m not entirely sure why. I know it was because i didn’t like that my friends were coming here for news about my life rather than asking me about it personally. And, i know it was because i wanted to have something all for myself, separate from this. And, i was boring as hell. Now i don’t want to be boring, though, because this isn’t boring. There are things i want to say about it.

So…

::deep breath::

So, today we were walking down the street — me on my way to work and she on her way to an entirely late breakfast — and we were laughing and holding hands and i caught myself thinking dear god, we’re every annoying couple at every party and on every walk down the street that i’ve ever encountered. Somehow, though, from the inside it doesn’t seem so offensive … and it’s something i used to be entirely opposed to; i don’t think it’s the public’s business who i’m kissing at any given point in time — which has a lot to do with not talking about it on here too often, i guess. But, there comes a point when the kiss is more important than who is going to see it.

We usually kiss goodbye on the corner of 33rd and Chestnut, but today she had to walk further down the street and i was still on my way to the Main Building. Kissing her halfway down the block was odd … like i had missed hitting my mark on stage, but that the scene still worked. Worked out perfectly.

It might as well be the first day of spring It definitely feels like it. Do you think so?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75014938/

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I have been shocked as of late when it comes to the quality of relatively new blogs that have been linking me; case and point: the brand new and witty Still Life With Woodpecker and the DIY retro-spacecrafty Secret Rocket 13. A coincidence that both blogs linked to Rabi and various members of the GangBang family, plus the as-of-late awe-inspiring BlueLikeThat? Sure… and maybe it’s a coincidence that one of them links to my girlfriend too :p

Meanwhile, a cruise through GangBang reveals discussion of respected blogger Heather losing her job (via an always-crushed-on Shaun). Shaun speculates that that Heather’s kvetching about in-house incompetence in this post is involved in her termination, which her above post seems to corroborate.

The crossover from blog to real life has been brought into sharp focus lately through a boggling round of events that do not begin or end with my girlfriend-related link, or even the fact that my girlfriend has her own blog (which, if you were wondering, makes her exponentially sexier than your average girl, as she also plays a bit of guitar). It’s more that both her roommate and her boyfriend also have blogs (which i’ve recently linked), and that one of the boyfriend’s hallmates figured out that he was the boy behind the blog after he found the link on my page, of which he’s apparently a semi-regular reader. It’s about how the shower-guy messaged me to ask if he was the shower-guy who i was talking about. It’s about my page being on the history of half a dozen computers in the Admissions Office. It’s about Sara, Laurel, Lauren, Elise, and god knows who else spending couples of hours each catching up on my archives. This has become the virtual 500-pound-gorilla of my hobbies and interests, and try as i might i can’t seem to keep it separated from my real life at this point for longer than a month or two after i meet someone new. And, honestly, i’ve always wanted it to be exactly that … something you have to take notice of … but, i suppose i never really thought it through until now.

The GangBang post combined with these recent events hits especially close to home today, as earlier i interviewed for a very tech-savvy co-op internship with a Fortune500 company based out of Philadelphia and was quizzed at length about my level of internet know-how. While my interviewer whole-heartedly agreed that my personal site talking about brushing my teeth and other such navel-gazing nonsense wasn’t something he wanted to use for or against his decision to hire me, he did perk up at my descriptions of Blogger and Little Yellow Different and furiously wrote both addresses down on his legal pad (presumably to surf to later). While i’m not exactly the featured link on either the big B or LYD, i do figure rather heavily into PuppetMaster and SurvivorBlog2 on the latter … blathering endlessly about purity points and my opinion on drugs on one & being a whore and hitting on Ashley and James on the other (not to mention that i’m relatively easy to find via Google, which he was definitely familiar with). I could tell that i definitely garnered points with him by talking about learning HTML on my own and coding the basics of my site in PHP, but i’ve definitely got to stop mentioning Ernie at job interviews.

Quite a conundrum to find myself talking about the page with Lauren in Admissions today and be told that all of my recent philosophical wanderings on the subjects of Cold and Real-Audio pale in comparison to the expression of emotion. A bloody heart is the reddest kind after all… i’m just afraid that at this rate that even my oft-spied-on neighbor might wind up reading about what i think of him.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/10429976/

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I read a lot of blogs every day. That’s what my sidebar is for, really: to remind me of what i’m supposed to be reading on any given day. Lately i haven’t been doing such a good job, as i’ve obviously barely got my head screwed on tight enough to write convincing posts about my own life, so i’ve been trying to catch up today. It’s been hard… digesting four days of thoughts and feelings and words from each person and trying to discern exactly What it was that i missed. It’s harder with some than others — four days for some is an entire universe, for others just some scattered commentary. But, anyway, i miss all of them and i’m happy to be caught up on their lives.


Point being, i find Martha to be completely amazing and felt the overwhelming need to link her individually despite her omnipresence on my sidebar. She makes life sound as vivid as it is.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/10167013/

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As per request.

I’ve had a webpage of some kind or another for years and years, but it didn’t start getting personal until Shafted. Shafted was all personal… personal stories, personal reactions, and personal humor. It was there that i started out, as just a snarky commenter, and i kept it up until i was finally upgraded to a full-time poster half a year later. Crushing Krisis came along three months later, and was meant to be an escape from the editorializing and opinions of all of the other posters at Shafted. It was meant to be soley my voice, uninterrupted.

However, a year later comments began to look tempting. People always say how they wish i had comments so they could react to all of my posts on a one by one basis. It would be great, they say. Taking this all with a grain of salt, i implemented comments for a week this summer to find them sleepy and uninspiring. And then they got the axe.

Essentially, i am stubborn. I refuse to have comments that aren’t being used, because it feels like a waste of time and energy — and it’s entirely too depressing to load and reload the page to see only a litany of 0’s and 1’s linking to comments. I refuse to let comments drive what i’m writing or how i write it, consciously or unconsciously. As per my recent post, my writing is already biased by the people who are reading it. I just don’t think it would be healthy to enable that on every post, so that i can be thinking about all of the potential readers and commenters every time i say something. Finally, i don’t like their add-on nature… i don’t like feeling as though just reading my post is not enough; since i am not an avid commenter on other sites, the ones that have a heavy base of commentary tend to fly under my radar of interest since i am only concerned with their actual content.

And, honestly, the comments on most of the sites i read absolutely suck. For the most part they consist of a few quality bloggers leaving thoughtful messages that would probably be more useful as a cross-link from their own blog, and then a seemingly endless stream of facebiting first-posting people who don’t have a clue. Every so often i have a post i really want a response to, and so i use my comments script for those posts. The extremely underwhelming response to them has confirmed my initial opinion just as much as commentary on other sites does: it’s not meant to be a daily part of Crushing Krisis.

Despite all of my varied opinions on them, sometimes comments are worthwhile. So, that’s why they make an occasional appearance. There you go Shaun & Jon.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9719555/