Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

self-aware

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Scattered. Last night was a weird scattered night because i went from being virtually invisible on Friday night to being central, and it was a wholly different feeling than i usually have and i think that’s why i had a good time. I went shopping for supplies, i ran out to make sure we had supplementary drinks, i got everyone together at the party for a little group chat, and i suddenly knew all kinds of party things i had only ever barely observed when it came down to it. At the point in the party where i am usually miserable and ready to implode i was serene and just wanted to stop pounding at my brain with anything i could get my hands on and head home. And, so, we did.


It was so very different… like the difference between being a ghostly cipher of a person who can barely make his presence felt as a tiny whispering breeze and a real tangible thing that can touch and feel and manipulate anything i can get my hands on. I had an effect on events. I am inextricably woven into the story. I am a supporting character that is so regular that i appear in the opening credits.

I should be on the credits. After all, it is my show.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/10/6681543/

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Today was about to be flushed down the toilet… i had my fingers resting on the shiny metal handle and i really wanted to just wash my hands of it. Nap. Play guitar. Anything to pass the time and get it down the drain already. And then, out of nowhere, a nosey little voice chimed in that i can’t claim to be liking life if i want days to just end, so i was forced to get up off my ass and into some clothing.

Would you believe i’ve avoided picking up my dry-cleaning for a week because i missed the pickup day and was afraid of being reprimanded by the dry cleaner? Seriously. I have to walk by it every day to get on and off my block, but i was too afraid of what excuse i’d need for not having picked up my favourite slacks and dress shirt. It’s funny which sorts of social interactions can really stop me in my tracks. Anyhow, once i managed to get in and out of there (without any commentary on my lateness and neglect) i cleaned my room, did laundry, and paid bills. So, yeah, maybe it stinks, but at least i’m not wasting it.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/10/6616649/

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How many other people do you know that who wake up at 7:56 on the day class registration opens online, load up the class-add page at 7:59, click submit at 8:01, idly search for a sixth class but find that they’ve taken all of the ones that are offered, and are blissfully dreaming of their perfect winter schedule by 8:30?


Just wondering.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/10/6550156/

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In Com Theory last week we touched upon Mead’s Theory of Symbolic Convergence, and one of the primary principals of it is the concept of the “Other,” which is the version of ourselves that we create based on society’s view of us. Without delving too deeply into the theory, basically when we refer to ourselves as “me” we are referring not to what we are, but what everyone else has labeled us as. And, in light of all of this, i just feel like i am in a constant power-struggle to keep “I” somewhere close to “me.” If you take that a step farther you could imply that people’s definitions of me inevitably reflect on my behaviour because i am either conforming to their expectations or trying to subvert them.


If you can’t see how fucked up it is for that to be imposed on a still-developing person for the entirety of their adolescence and young-adult life i’ll have to lend you my textbook sometime.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/10/6486287/