Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

self-aware

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In a totally prescient moment, i went to the bathroom to retrieve my shirt (drying from shopping in the rain) and put it on just as the buzzer rang for me to pick up my dinner down at the front door. Yes, that means i had been blogging shirtless all along. One more reason to buy a webcam for me, darling. Meanwhile, the guy at the grill at Mad Greek’s was the opposite of prescient because he didn’t put extra-cheese on my chicken cheesesteak even after i explicitly asked for it. Grawr! Solution? : Put lots of cheese-fries on my cheesesteak! Yay for my massive intelligence!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1684531/

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I haven’t seen anyone from highschool in ages and ages. I had a whole lot of friends in this year’s senior class from my various activities and extracurriculars (mostly because last year’s class was a bunch of idiots), and i haven’t seen any of them more than once or twice since i graduated. And then of course there are members of my own class, who i lost touch with as soon as graduation was over. I’ve just never been good at staying in touch with people when i can’t see them. I suppose i just have a hard time cultivating a relationship over the internet when i know full well i could be cultivating it in person (whereas with ‘net friends i’m fine with just chatting online). Or… or maybe i’m just a lazy and horrible person who is much too into personal time to pursue all of his old friends whether it only be to NJ or all the way out to CA. Either way, i need to ditch the habit.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1643562/

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So, Matt ratted me out in regards to how entrancing i believe Rabi at WockerJabby to be, and through the magic of referral logs she {of course} read it. I just hope she doesn’t think i’m stalking her or anything; i just think she’s really neat.

What’s sorta interesting in the light of Matt’s accusation that i’m obsessed with Rabi is that i’m not obsessed with anyone. No one. And, as much as i whine and bitch and moan about being only obsessed with myself, i tend to fall for people. I fall hard. That’s why this is called crushing krisis … it just works on so many levels. But, not being obsessed is a healthy phenomenon. As much fun as it might be, and as conducive to songwriting as it might be, if i can’t give a girl space just within my crush on her, how could i ever realistically be romantically involved with her?

This whole lack of an obsessive center thing made it hard for me to title the new layout for AMkitchen. I joke constantly that whoever gets the majority of songs written about them on my next demo will get it named after them, but in a way it’s true; i gauge the emotional center of my current performance staples by who they’re about, and inevitably one songs becomes the center of all the others. For the majority of this year that song was “Under My Skin,” but lately i’m just not feeling it as much as i used to when i played it. So, looking at the spread of images from this past summer that are currently illustrating my website, i found myself at a loss for a name or a title song. I wound up naming the new layout ‘resolve,’ because above anything else my writing recently has been showing a sense of resolution. I feel resolved, and I have resolve. Resolve.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1634316/

1550302

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I think everyone considers me so extroverted because of my introversion; i spend so much time spinning thoughts around in my head by myself that when i’m unleashed onto the public i’m this unstoppable whirlwind of energy and chatter. So, maybe i need all this downtime to be as happy as i am. At the same time, i don’t have as many friends right now as i did this time last year because i never see anyone. One factor in that is theatre… ugh. I don’t like to act. I am bad at it. I hate being in boring shows just because they’re what’s around to do. And one is coming up… good person of sezuan, a show i don’t like one bit. And there aren’t any characters who i want to be. And i’m going to be too busy next semester anyway. And i seem to have been drafted. To the theatre i am a warm body and a resource; the director knows i have a certain amount of potential and that i work very hard and so he basically made sure to make me agree to work in the show before i could decide if i liked it or not. So, now if i don’t show up at auditions, it’s a personal afront more than it is a statement about my opinions on the show. Isn’t life nice?