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theatre

March 5, 2001 by krisis

I’m always preaching about how i find beauty in imperfections, and there were three distinct beauty marks on my part in the show. Two of them were ugly and misplaced, but one of them was shining and perfect – it reminded me of that mole on Cindy Crawford’s lip.

The first mess-up that mars my memory of the show is my classic blunder on opening night, where i totally forget the second verse of my solo song. Normally i love to make mistakes while solo on the stage, because then it’s solely my job to fix them, but in this situation i was trapped because my accompaniment was a taped piano. Even though i made up a whole verse on the spot, and even though i hardly ever broke character in the process, i felt trapped by the piano pounded forward while i was still spinning my mental wheels in the mud.


The second blunder was totally the opposite. In our sneak preview Laurel started a scene with the wrong monologue … one that came later in the scene after i made a crucial entrance where my hand would be injured for the whole of the play. With half the cast on the stage, we were sent into a panic. The intelligent thing to do would be to wait Laurel’s monologue out, and then replay the part of the scene that came beforehand, but with so many people present we could hardly communicate our intention. As it was the scene just blundered along without me, and i was left to my own devices to get my hand injured onstage and then get my ass to center to talk to Laurel. Everything got done, but it was sloppy and could have been pulled off without a hitch if everyone had thought it through better.


My favourite mistake was with Laurel, and it happened twice. There are a handful of scenes … three or four short exchanges … that hinged solely on Laurel and I. We would have total control of the stage on which no one else could intrude until we resolved our lines. In one instance i dropped a line, and in another she dropped hers, but both times we maintained eye contact and fixed things. Once i had to go back and redo a line so the audience would hear it, and Laurel stood ready with her response. The other time the ball was in Laurel’s court and i let her know that i wouldn’t say a thing until she gave a line to let me know where the scene stood. Both times the transition from lines to mistake to fix to lines was so smooth that the rest of the cast had to ask what happened afterwards.

Laurel never loses control of the stage; it’s a skill i could stand to learn a bit better.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2636091/

Filed Under: betterment, memories, theatre, Year 01 Tagged With: laurel

March 5, 2001 by krisis

I have this idiot clear red poker visor on right now, because our director Bill had this obscenely large box of them (frightening only because it implies he had some sinister use for them in the show that never came to fruition) and he had the entire cast and crew pick one of the garish colors out from the box during our strike. Honestly, it’s sort of like always being under a red spotlight, because it casts the same glow the lighting gels do, and it washes out all of the red coloring of my hands when they’re in the light. Maybe Bill meant to say we’re always under the spotlight, or maybe he just wanted to get rid of thirty ugly poker visors, or maybe he just wanted his whole cast to look silly as they trudged home from the show.

There was this idiot kid dead center tonight. I talk to the audience once at the very beginning of the play, and once at the end; at the beginning i am in character and warming them up to the sort of show they’ll be seeing, and at the end i am totally myself, telling them that there is no happy end to be found. The ending is hard to find humor in, as the primary cast stalks up to the front of the stage one by one to remind the audience that there is no happy end. Tonight i walked forward for my solo bit of the epilogue, and that kid was right there. I remember him from orientation …, he wore this idiot blue visor with all of his chunky dyed blonde hair sticking up behind it, and he kept trying to break dance at night even though he was awful at it and he was getting in everyone’s way. It struck me that he mocked everything because he wasn’t really a part of any of it.


Tonight i walked past him and he wasn’t laughing with me but at me, and not in the way an audience is meant to. I just said my line to him and walked away. “Unhappy endings were expected too…” I had the stage, i was a lead in a play with my own song and my name listed first in a program, and he sat there in the audience and tried to have power over me with his hollow little laugh – as if i was supposed to see him mocking me and just break character and forget all of my lines and break down and let him win. But, he had nothing on me, because no matter how much i might have hated being in this play every night, when i’m on stage i am in charge.

He wasn’t wearing his visor, though. And i’m sitting here, wondering what else i have in common with him.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2635971/

Filed Under: memories, OL, theatre, Year 01 Tagged With: resolve

March 4, 2001 by krisis

This term has been like living out of my own body … a show, being sick all the time, not doing well in class, having a girlfriend. Show’s over, i’m finally getting better, i’m trying to steer my classes in an upward direction. Which leaves one element messing with my equilibrium… Shit. I hate myself.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2634381/

Filed Under: adulthood, betterment, college, health, theatre, thoughts Tagged With: resolve

March 4, 2001 by krisis

Theatre is so stressful to me now, and it used to be fun. Every night before i went out on stage this week i didn’t feel exhilarated, i felt put upon. Why did i have to be the one to wait for the lights to go out before taking the stage? Why did i have to set the tone for the whole show? Why was i the first solo song? Why did my scenes have to be the ones used to move the plot along? I’ll be the first one to admit that i loved my character and i wish i could stay with him for a few more months to understand him better, since i wound up turning him into a sort of characature of what he actually was, but i don’t love my role, and i never loved the play. Every night before we went on stage i had the dread of entering a production that i didn’t like at all, save for the people in it, and that’s the only thing that got me through. And now it’s over, and all of those people are dispersed to do what they normally do, and my life is totally back to normal. Well… almost…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2634315/

Filed Under: theatre, thoughts

March 4, 2001 by krisis

our set is struck. the show is over. i am free.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/03/2634123/

Filed Under: theatre

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