Enough yapping; it’s off to the coffee shop for me. I’ll be back in seven hours, smelling of expresso. And, who knows, that could be a turnon for someone…
by krisis
coffee shop
I just got home from the coffee shop and started to wash my hands when the drippy pipe (yes, still from when the sink fell) finally just got too much on my nerves. I grabbed a tube of caulk (don’t ask where i found it, i dunno), ripped it open with my teeth, and slathered the entire pipe a centimeter thick with caulk using my bare hands. If it still drips after that, i’ll just put a fucking bucket under it.
Maybe i’m just supposed to be doing more drugs (which is not meant to imply that i’m doing any right now). I mean, that seems to work for most bored people i know; it’s like taking a little vacation from yourself once a week. Of course, drugs cost money and respect and all that jazz. Plus, you’ve got to learn all the lingo. (Whoa, freaky, a friend of mine who is obviously a dealer just called and knocked me off of the internet. Message from god, or just too many low-life friends?). Ok, that was all a bit too surreal. We’re gonna pretend none of that happened and go to the Coffee Shop, were plain ol’ caffine is the drug of choose. Mmmm, expresso.
Just as a sidenote, in addition to having a record sales day at the coffee shop yesterday, this page also received a record number of hits by about 400%. At first i thought this was just because people finally came to their senses and fell in love with me, but then i checked my referrer logs and noticed i was receiving a lot of clicks from Disturbing Search Requests, where i occasionally post. Further investigation revealed that their hits had also jumped 400%, due to the fact that Yahoo had listed them as a cool site.. This either proves a very strong mathematical model for how internet users browse, or it means that they’re a bunch of fucking mindless sheep who’ll click anything that’s underlined and some things that aren’t. Or both.
Today at the shop we did our #3 all time sales total, which means i have worked the closing shift on each of the three highest grossing days ever. I think i deserve an award. Instead, they appear to have infected me with an alien disease from which i’ll never recover. gee, thanx guys…