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Personal

March 20, 2002 by krisis

There is a mutiny building in my fingers; a resistance is gathering between my knuckles and around my wrists. They are not used to this sort of treatment… five hours of playing songs that i don’t have the option to fudge … songs that sound only how they sound. Towards the end my fingers were on automatic, picking out strings without my even having to think of it, but in the middle they were clumsy and tired as the muscles in my arms sighed with exertion.


There was a power to it — to making other people’s songs sound how they were meant, and to making my own songs sound out like i hear them in my own head. Kat sat on the bed mostly non-plussed, pecking away at her laptop, but Laurel seemed to be in a mild form of shock. And i… i wasn’t even in the room. The songs had filled it beyond its capacity to hold me.

Fingers aside, my voice amazed me. After having barely mustered up enough of it to power through my jury last week, imagine my surprise as it rose to the top of the staff and i was still hitting clean notes, open throated and howling. Sometimes a song finds one spectacular note inside of itself that my voice is attracted to like a moth to flame, willing to burn itself around the edges just to hit that one note and hold hold hold hold it over the four chords in the progression.

There is definitely a Trio brewing around here, somewhere.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75024430/

Filed Under: guitar, performance, singing Tagged With: Ani DiFranco, beatles

March 18, 2002 by krisis

There are currently five people who live in this house in one capacity or another, even though i’m currently the only one here. Three of those people have logged into blogger or sitemeter from this computer in the last 24 hours. The two other than me who are (becoming) (rapidly) addicted to blogging (and, of course, their site statistics) also happen to bake me yummy things whenever i fall asleep or leave the house, so i think the use of my computer is a fair trade.


Welcome to the circus that is my life. In other news, this why i read everything JillMatrix links to as daily as i possibly can:

“I suppose,” she said. “There should be a law about these people with web diaries or they should all wear identifying clothing or something, so that innocent bystanders who don’t need some perverse kind of public fame can know to steer clear.”

I thought that’s what my Blogger T-shirt was for…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75021707/

Filed Under: bloggish, weblinks

March 18, 2002 by krisis

Spring brings a certain weariness with it these days. There is a pressure, a pressure behind my eyelids, that is trying to masquerade as tears. I know that it’s really just the rain, and the trees, and nature interfering with the artificial things i am expecting from my body. Nevertheless, i have almost been convinced to break down and weep, and within that inclination there is the tired forward motion of time.

The office is quiet; it feels like a Monday should feel. I don’t think anyone will notice me sniffling and wiping my cheek on my sleeve if i just do it here where i’m sitting. I’m going to miss this office… against my better judgment i’m trying to stay on here even though i’m moving on to my new job. It’s just something about these people, and how they read my face, and how they know exactly what my smiles mean. There’s something about them caring that i really don’t want to leave behind.

It’s funny how spring doesn’t always manage to play the part, even after i get so exciting about its approach. It’s a good thing that i feel like spring, anyhow…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75020663/

Filed Under: admissions

March 17, 2002 by krisis

“What are you doing?”

“Hooking up Super Nintendo?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s what i do when i’m sick.”

“I knew you’d say that.”

“Do you know how to play Secret of Mana?”

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75017641/

Filed Under: elise, games, Year 02

March 16, 2002 by krisis

My fan is acting in the place of crickets and i peck as softly as i can at the keys. She yells at me for beating on her keyboard sometimes, because i seem to be under the impression that the harder i type the more effective my words will be. She’s asleep, i think, and here i am being gentler with my own keyboard than i usually am with hers.

The fan is acting in the place of crickets because everything has been rendered silent by the cool air it is pulling in from outside, with just enough chill in it to remind me that it’s not quite spring yet. I love wrapping myself up in that air and my blankets, but i am always sorry for it in the morning when i am redressed in a scratchy throat and dewy skin.

Erika has disappeared for the night. Lindsay has flown off to another state entirely. The neighbor has his lights off and his blinds closed. Kat is across the house from here, silent if not asleep. The fan and my tiny clacking keys are the only sounds in this room other than breath slowly sighing, and when i remember to breathe. It is only me that’s left to tiptoe to my bed, careful not to interrupt this perfect peace i have found myself situated within.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/03/75015620/

Filed Under: elise, thoughts Tagged With: erika, lindsay

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