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Crushing Krisis

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Personal

February 4, 2002 by krisis

There we were, on the median of Broad Street with nearly three thousand dollars of camera equipment, and it had suddenly gotten so dark that we were raising the exposure between every shot. And then, just when i was expecting a downpour of icy rain to trickle into every nook and cranny of our digital camera, down came a smattering of cottony white flakes.

Snow against the stunning red brick of the building was perfect contrast, and i was set on shooting through the storm so we wouldn’t have any continuity breaks in our footage. However, within minutes the smattering had turned into a horizontal blanket of white, and even with my jacket wrapped around the camera and my hands cupped around the viewfinder it was obvious that nature had gotten the best of us. We packed it in and sprinted for the stairs to the subway so we could wipe off the dissolving white flakes from the silvery surface of our Sony.

By the time my trolley came up from underground we were back down to an F-Stop of 8 — the sun was out in force, reflecting back up from tiny puddles lying on darkened cement. I smacked myself squarely in the foreheard with the end of my tripod.

I’d given up before the most beautiful part.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9388565/

Filed Under: college, day in the life, Philly, photo

February 4, 2002 by krisis

You know, maybe this says a little bit too much about me, but the sheer act of someone putting an effort into paying attention to me despite all outward attempts to avoid attention on my part can really make my day.


I love letting you try to figure this stuff out, honestly, i do.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9351169/

Filed Under: thoughts Tagged With: flirt

February 3, 2002 by krisis

I am blogging from my home computer.

I am blogging from a DSL connection.

I am blogging while streaming my favourite Peter Mulvey song. In surround sound.

I do believe my technological life just experienced a much-deserved upgrade.

Improvements to my personal life still forthcoming…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9350938/

Filed Under: bloggish, thoughts Tagged With: Peter Mulvey

February 3, 2002 by krisis

Sometimes it is just there in the pit of your stomach, bubbling under. Each little phrase and laugh is a dig at you, winging across the room to impact like a punch to the solar plexus and, while everyone else has their head thrown back with laughter, you are just slowly reaching your break point. You are trying not to boil over, but there is always that one irrelevant thing that someone says that is the coup de grace — the blow you cannot recover from.

They had been verbally working me over for an hour and i don’t even think they realized it, even after i left. My food had stuck in my throat for a second, and i could feel myself turning a little red, and then i wasn’t in control of it anymore. Boiling over. Screaming, cursing, slamming, until i was out of there and down Walnut Street and back in my room. I wasn’t in control of it; my body entered some sort of social fight-or-flight reflex on my behalf. Some quick words to the roommates, and then i was up the stairs and locking the door, and on my bed i was mouthing over and over “i can’t change anything, i can’t change anything.” And i know that i can’t. I know that i am two decades into this and that i set myself up for this fall for my entire life, but it doesn’t making the landing any easier.

I knew it couldn’t possibly work twice in a row.

Last night i was miserable and so i went out. It was a good idea; sitting around and moping wasn’t going to fix anything. Tonight i had the same impulse, but although it was well-intentioned of me i think that i realistically should have realized that it was time for a recharge Because, if i don’t take time to recenter every so often i manage to let people see through to what’s underneath. And, that never works out too well.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9324213/

Filed Under: identity, isolation

February 2, 2002 by krisis

I sure can say a lot while avoiding saying what’s on my mind.

I figure if i keep interspersing these short ones, the longer ones won’t seem so bad ;)

https://crushingkrisis.com/2002/02/9296516/

Filed Under: meta, thoughts

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