Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

Personal

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I am searching for inspiration.

Monday nights in Peter-land are nap nights, because i always stay up way too late on Sunday nights (in this case, harrassing Ernie and posing naked for my only appearance on Bertie‘s SurvivorCam). So, last night i had my standard 16-hour sleep-a-thon during which i got nothing done other than sleeping. And then came today. And then comes tomorrow.

This summer definitely has a very sweeping quality where it just pushes me along and i don’t entirely realize that time is passing. The Madonna concert is in 19 days and i’m not even close to freaking out. The new Garbage album comes out next month. I have to register for classes. I’ll be 20 soon. I’m afraid that somehow i’ll fall asleep tonight and wake up tomorrow to everything in my life happening all at once like a thousand cannons all firing across the span of a field that i’m standing in the middle of. Or maybe that was today.


But, as i mentioned, i am searching for inspiration; not any specific kind of inspiration, mind you, but a more general sort of inspiration that can motivate me to do any one of a great number of things that i should probably be doing. The thing about inspiration is that it has to offer you something that the present does not, or otherwise you’d be content rather than inspired, and i think that’s nearly what i am right now (which is not to imply that i’m happy… i suppose i meant “complacent” more than i meant “content,” but complacent makes me think of lazy slothful people and i actually paid bills and rode a bike this week so i’m surely not either of those).

(I’m glad i cleared that little confusion up; imagine… me, content? That would sorta defeat the entire purpose of this, wouldn’t it?)

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4363145/

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My mother breezes through the office on the way to the seashore and she is famous. Administrative assistants fawn over her. Tour guides smile politely. I understand people being ungodly nice to my family as if they actually liked me when i’m there to witness it, but the fact that they did it while i was safely hidden away in the bookstore makes me think people here actually like me. She was gone in a flash-bang of blonde-streaked hair and bandages on her arm before i could really talk to her much, and i came back to my office to find this sitting on my chair.
Naturally i assumed that it was provided by my mother… with phrases like “Others find it difficult to accept your domineering and, at times, argumentative manner” that fit well with our generally contentious yet friendly relationship (“there is little demonstration of sentiment, appreciation, sympathy, or encouragement”). However, the piece of paper in question was placed not by mommy-dearest but by Izabelle, fellow admissions employee and all-around partner in crime.

Now, i’m typically the most critically skeptic person i know about these personality indicators, but i think there’s something to this one only because of the combination of my first and middle names. Peter apparently predisposes me to be “not inclined to merge [my] opinions and viewpoints with others” and to be “invariably quite direct and candid, and lacks the moderating tone of tact” (in highschool i was known as the boy who wholly was lacking tact). I find it “difficult to find the right words.”

Right. Which is why i talk so fucking much.

Meanwhile, the more interesting determination is the flavouring given by my middle name: “Your pleasant manner attracts people to you with their problems and you are capable of offering practical advice, though you would probably not follow such advice yourself.” Right. The thing is, the majority of the names i look up have summaries that obviously aren’t applicable to the people they represent in my life, and a quick browse through the site reveals the same sentences used in combinations again and again in different opposite seeming names. So, it just happened to get the combo right in a way that it really struck me. That’s how scam-artists work (they want you to pay them for a more exact description).

Oh, yeah, and “weaknesses in the health caused by [your] name center in the head.” Heh.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4346382/

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I keep putting off my initial trip into the studio, but as a result i have forced myself to commit to a roster of 40 songs to make my attempts from. It’s just too damned hot. Of course, the more i procrastinate the more this is going to involve sick days and barricaded studio doors, so i should probably be producing some sounds this week. The first cover for the project has been confirmed, but it might only wind up a beeside. 25 songs + beesides… i’m turning into Tori Amos. All of my friends have heard about this and they seem generally unimpressed, which just goes to show that i am so musically omnipresent that they just assume recording two albums in one month must be old hat for me by now. Ha!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4330795/

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Have i mentioned that i’m going to the Philadelphia Folk Festival? Well, i am. In a tent. Well, i’m getting there via car, but once i’m there i’ll be very much in a tent except for when i’m not. And, there will be folk music – however, the Festival seems to be in Schwenksville and not Philadelphia. Anyhow, i don’t know quite how i managed to get myself into this, but i took off a ton of days from work to do it and i’m going to be working as some kind of volunteer and i don’t really know what to expect, but it all seems like it’s going to be very intriguing. Erin McKeown is playing on Friday afternoon. Other than that all i know is that i’m bring my guitar and enough mosquito spray and vodka to keep a small village itch-free and inebriated, and that Izabelle is lending me a six person tent that’s big enough to entertain in. Yes, nightly itch-free trios with Peter and perhaps a martini or two if i can score some ice. Sure. But, really, if i can find a cheap enough 4-track i’m going to be recording trios the whole time. Anyhow, i can’t imagine how i didn’t manage to mention my musical committment, but that sentence had some very nice consonance going for it, and i think i should go to sleep soon.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4335974/

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Benjy just said something to the effect of i haven’t really been saying much about my life recently. Well… yeah. My life hasn’t been very much of a life recently. There has been a lot of work (42 hours last week), a lot of sleep (Monday to Tuesday is typically 14 hours of sleep, other nights are usually 8), some sports (kickball, bowling, avoiding borishly inebriated theatre people, rollerblading), a lot of guitar-playing, and… well, and some random email to the notify list. But, really, that’s it.

Mention of the list brings up the fact that I would seem to be spread pretty thin considering my participation (and lack thereof) in CK, JLA, CORlog, Repulsed, 25/24 Updates, &; PSB2, but none of those things really directly compete for each other’s content. JLA is only for when i am unlazy enough to write down a review of an album instead of just thinking it; Repulsed is for especially straightforward observations on life or politics that would be redundancies to this log, 25/24 is for noting the work i get done on that project (if any), COR is gated by the amount of music i buy, and PSB2 is just inane. The only spectre of a competitor is the Notify List.


I’ve always held that i’ll post anything to this log that i ever think to write, but sometimes there are things that i don’t think to write – because they’re repetitive or they don’t fit in with the voice of the log or because i just want feedback from them. I started the list as a way for me to keep blogging during the absence of the blog itself, and now that i have the blog back i have enough readers on the list that it represents about half of my regular readership and since they’re interested they have the chance to read all of that in-between content that wouldn’t ever really get written into this box. Every update of the list has involved me staring into the Blogger post screen for five or ten minutes before resorting to email. I suppose i went in the opposite direction of DotComments… instead of trying to make my audience a part of my log so i can track them i’m trying to hold my audience captive to my log in another medium. It’s the same, though, because subscription to the list is inherently participatory in the same way commenting on a post is in that i know that the people on the list read whatever i write to them and if they didn’t want to they would just ask me to be taken off. Whatever. The point being, there will be more life when i have my life back, and if you’re that seriously addicted to me you should probably be on the list (which Benjy is, so he’s just addicted).

Wow, that was pointless.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4335659/