Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

Personal

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Yet another six albums i should have owned years ago were added to my collection today: The Velvet Underground Boxed Set (used in perfect condition for $20, how cool is that?) and Portishead Live at the Roseland, NYC. Portishead is the sort of band i could never get into despite being exposed to them for years, but suddenly they make sense to me. To hear them perform their songs live with a full band, dj, and orchestration is totally mind-numbing. Definitely one of the coolest live ensembles i’ve heard in a long time.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2058467/

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How do find the right frame of mind for a relationship? I mean… being wholly unexperienced, i wonder these idiot sorts of things. Did you always assume you’d grow old with every person you ever dated seriously, or did you just assume they’d last for a month or two and then fade away. Were you ever pleasantly surprised either way? is the trick just to expect nothing and enjoy what you have? Well, yes, of course it is, but i need a framework in which to look at things, and i don’t know if i can deal with “You’ll be that person who i dated for a year in college and still send postcards to.” I mean, if you admit it will end, why bother starting … except so that you can have the experience. Yeah, i suddenly know how to answer all my own idiot questions, see how much more interesting i am now?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2058355/

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So, i’ve decided it’s nearly impossible to write a good song anymore. To start with, my guitar hates me. Suddenly it’s holding a tune like it never had before, but it’s intonation is all buzzy and weird and it makes me think i need a new bridge/saddle. Meanwhile, to write a good song you need some sort of central phrase or imagery; a song that just starts and ends without saying anything is a boring song. But, do you know how hard it is to come up with that sort of thing without it being contrived? Phrases like “i’ve got you under my skin,” “you don’t make sense,” & “you are in high relief” came to me in sudden golden moments of inspiration that i could never replicate, and they serve as excellent central metaphors for a song. Without such a theme you’d be left with one of those lamely vague DMB songs that just locomotes by sheer force of guitar kinetics before finally collapsing down upon it’s lack of content.

Meanwhile, writing music is something else entirely. I lately have found it much easier to write music after working out lyrics only because none of the music i write is hook-y enough to lead me to generate lyrics for it out of mid air. So, yeah, i have tons of feelings i want to put down on paper, and lots of paper, but it’s just not working out.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2058226/

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So, i think last week’s archive might all might sense to you now that i’ve given you a frame of reference to view it within. I obviously was spending less time in the apartment than per usual, and i was being unusually cryptic about it because so many people i know in real life read this log. That’s why i posted that one really bitchy bit on Thursday; i honestly feel like if i talk about something private on here rather than in person it’s going to be held against me, which is shitty. So, now i’m talking. Blah.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2056539/