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Crushing Krisis

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thoughts

February 7, 2001 by krisis

You know, i sometimes get the idea that certain logs are illustrious and powerful just because i know their names. I mean… i don’t really actively seek out new blogs to read; i just happen upon the ones i happen upon. However, in my half a year of happenings i’ve seen a few names pop up more than i’ve seen others. Whether it be on PowerBlogger, or on the sidebar at blogger.com, or on other people’s lists of links, some names are just more visible than others. I think what eternally surprises me is what i find when i visit these sites; i expect them to be masterful works with strong narrative voice and a sense of direction, but most of the time the writers have a lot more in common with me than with my preconceived notion of them.


What’s funny is that i exist on the other side of that notion sometimes too. I mean, this log has been around long enough to give people the chance to see it linked from various placed without actually reading it, and the fact that some of them might come here with the sense that i’m in some way important is pretty boggling. Of course, maybe no one does that sort of thing but me; it wouldn’t be the first time.

Last night one of my best friends turned to me and said “I was sorta afraid to talk to you, because i figured you wouldn’t really be interested in someone like me.” It wasn’t that she thought i was too cool, or anything like that, she just made the assumption that i had enough friends as it was and to try to be befriend me was not worth the effort.


I couldn’t even believe my ears as i had this explained to me, because when i comes down to it i’m a very isolated person with very few friends who i actually talk to daily, and she just assumed that i didn’t need anyone else like that in my life. Well, i did, and thank god we actually wound up talking eventually, because i don’t know what i’d be doing without her at this point.

Moral? I don’t know. How about we try this: today go to your favourite log that always struck you as being famous and popular and groovy, and send the author an email telling them how much you appreciate their writing. You’d be amazed at the response you get, whether you get to see it or not. I’m on my way to my favourite famous-log now; you better be doing to same!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2280880/

Filed Under: bloggish, isolation, self-aware, thoughts

February 7, 2001 by krisis

I really think i might be trying to fail out of school this semester. Of course, by this point i think we’ve established that failing out for me would be equivalent to getting a C in any one subject.

I’m not in class right now. I’m in the building where class is held, i have no physical restraints to attending class, but i’m not there. None of my classes are holding my attention, it’s as simple as that. I’ve managed to pull straight A’s in Literature attending half the lectures and reading a third of the books, my public speaking class is so useless that i honestly think i’m getting worse at speaking publicly, i haven’t learned anything in recording for two weeks (although that’s entirely my own dumb fault for being so tired in class all the time), and i couldn’t even go to Aural Skills last week because i couldn’t hear or sing through my headcold.

Am i trying to fail? Is it just that i already got my role in the play and my co-op position and just don’t want to fight for anything else? Are my classes all so easy that i think the only way i could possibly have to work for them is if i only attend once or twice a week? I’m really not sure, but something’s gonna change – and it’s either going to be my behaviour or my grade point average.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2280491/

Filed Under: college, over-achievement, theatre, thoughts

February 2, 2001 by krisis

My vote is in, and i am home for the night. That’s gotta be the tamest start to a weekend i’ve had so far this year….

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225966/

Filed Under: college, thoughts

February 2, 2001 by krisis

Hmm, someone just searched for “krisis” on google to find this page. Generally that’s a rather deliberate way to locate my page, since all of my email addresses and messaging aliases involve the word “krisis.”


I just can’t hide, can i?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225502/

Filed Under: thoughts

February 2, 2001 by krisis

I’ve always wanted to date someone with their own life, and their own problems and issues. Thinking about some of the people i’ve really crushed upon in the last few years, i don’t know if any of them had enough issues for me. It’s not as though i want to find someone with problems so i can solve them, or feel better about myself, but i think i tend to reduce myself to a much more boring person when i’m faced with someone who is extremely “normal.” And boring isn’t attractive.


Of course, liking someone with issues is a challenge unto itself. You immediately volunteer yourself, either as an answer or a crutch or a balm. Remove yourself from the situation and its like ripping the scab off of a fresh wound – everything looks even bloodier and worse than it did before you arrived on the scene.

I’m an optimist, and i like to think that there’s a middle ground. Isn’t knowing someone really cares about you enough of a crutch when you’re depressed? I always thought it would be, but maybe it was just an illusion. If that’s the case, maybe i should go back to liking boring girls, because i don’t know if i’m ready to play the daily role of a fix to someone’s addictions.

Wow, i really mixed some metaphors in there, didn’t i?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225202/

Filed Under: self-aware, thoughts Tagged With: q.o.d.

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