Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

college

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I really think i might be trying to fail out of school this semester. Of course, by this point i think we’ve established that failing out for me would be equivalent to getting a C in any one subject.

I’m not in class right now. I’m in the building where class is held, i have no physical restraints to attending class, but i’m not there. None of my classes are holding my attention, it’s as simple as that. I’ve managed to pull straight A’s in Literature attending half the lectures and reading a third of the books, my public speaking class is so useless that i honestly think i’m getting worse at speaking publicly, i haven’t learned anything in recording for two weeks (although that’s entirely my own dumb fault for being so tired in class all the time), and i couldn’t even go to Aural Skills last week because i couldn’t hear or sing through my headcold.

Am i trying to fail? Is it just that i already got my role in the play and my co-op position and just don’t want to fight for anything else? Are my classes all so easy that i think the only way i could possibly have to work for them is if i only attend once or twice a week? I’m really not sure, but something’s gonna change – and it’s either going to be my behaviour or my grade point average.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2280491/

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I was sorta expecting to have a wild year sometime in the midst of college. Last year i smoked pot a handful of times, but that hardly composes a bad streak all on its own, especially considering the romantic and sexual isolation i was experiencing at the time. This was going to be the year, though. It’s not exactly a cocaine addiction or anything, but it would’ve been something to tell Behind the Music about. This was going to be the year that i lived through drunken stories that could i hardly recall and slightly regretted tales of mornings after and all that. That’s not to say that i would have been a huge slut, because i love to lord my virginity over other (less pure) people, and i probably wouldn’t ever drink that much because i have an extremely healthy sense of my limitations – but i could’ve worked around those issues.


So, what’s the condition of this awful streak now? The story ends with my drinking leveling off, me actually maintaining a vestige of a social life, and *gasp* actually dating. I know, it’s weird. The weirdest part is, i still have zero-experience outside of this single relationship, so for as long as i stay within it i’m relatively going to be suspending my wild streak. But… i don’t want a handful of idiotic jaunts to consist of my entire youthful rebellion; however, admitting that i wouldn’t mind fucking up worse in the future basically admits the lack of validity of my relationship, which does not lend itself to alcohol poisoning or random drug addiction.


Can a healthy relationship and an urge to live one emotionally and physically shitty year co-exist peacefully in my life? Um… stay tuned?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2213017/

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You should probably hate me.


I don’t know if you noticed at all, but i sorta went out and got a life. I have to battle against the opposing forces of rehearsal, class, work, (survivorblog,) and a girlfriend before i get to this lonely white screen, and once i’m there i still need something to say. And i’ve got nothing to say. This nothing is a different sort of nothing than i used to have. In the past i’ve called myself two dimensional and claimed that i don’t have a single interesting thing to divulge to anyone other than the banal comings and going of my life. Now i feel somewhat oppositely… almost like i’m content that my life is full of actual happenings, so i don’t have to talk about them so much to prove their existence. Or maybe i think too much.

I’d also like to apologize for a lack of Trio … my guitar has been MIA for nearly two weeks now at my least favourite music shop in the city, getting repairs. I’d like to have a moment of silence for it, starting now…


… thnx. Love y’all.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2212753/