11/24 - falling down (w/gina) / icy cold
by admin
blogathon
“Nothing To Say” is what almost every one of my songs starts out as in that somewhere near the beginning i’m lamenting my lack of words or feelings or actions or love or something else like that. My songwriting has never really been about having something so much as it’s been about having a lack of something, and “Nothing to Say” is the pinnacle of that … throwing up angry red flares at a nonexistant relationship just because i have nothing to say to it except for that i want to lash out but don’t have the right words.
I’ve got nothing to say – did you think it’d go any other way? I’ve been holding it all in – asphyxiate and now i’ve gone astray. Somewhere in my mind i knew all the words i had meant for you; I was trying to be kind, but now i just want to hurt you. I’ve got nowhere to run and it’s no fun – and you know i am hiding something where it won’t be found, deep under ground – under these sounds. Hiding under these sounds surround me all around my body i can’t see past your light, your skin, this day, this dimness – i am surrounded. I am out of my age: staring into the sun – i remember being young. It’s so far in my mind – it’s not the same after you’ve spent some time out in the life; it won’t apologize for the scars it leaves on you and me on me, but yours are more obscure. And looks decieve. sounds surround me all around my body i can’t see past your light, your skin, this day, this dimness – i am surrounded. I am bitter. Just ask me how i taste: like the salt over your shoulder. This is no kindof way for me to be, don’t you see? You and me… i’ve got things to lay out on the table. This is no kinda way to be, and i can’t say how i’d see things eye to eye. Maybe i can escape some kind of way, but i haven’t found a thing to say. I’ve got nothing to say.
I’d just like to publicly thank Tony for being a big bastard about Blog-A-Thon while my personal bastardness has been replaced by this sing-a-long nonsense. I’m ususally very skeptical about memes dressed up as events, but i think you need to ditch the cynic-tinged glasses for a moment to take a look at what’s really happening here. First of all, FryKitty did this last year and garnered only a little attention, yet decided to do it again because she thought it was a good cause. Secondly, some people took it upon themselves to pick a cause that’s very close to their own lives and hearts rather than something trendy or catchy. And, finally, you can’t very well call $17k+ in donations by a bunch of internet strangers a play for hits; i sponsored my friends and the people supporting dear causes, and not some of the big names who i could have been mooching hits off of for the entirety of this past month by sponsoring them. And, i’m not even touching the irony of some of the names you used as examples of your anti-whores. Plus, you seem to be disregarding the fun and adventure this had brought out in some blogs; do you honestly think i would have taken the time to seriously record any of these songs if it wasn’t for the ‘thon and my sponsors to motivate me? So, Tony, please have a heart. Or, at least have one the next time i go on a bitterness rampage to keep me in check. After all, the two of us bitter at the same time could ruin the mood of the entire server.
So, i’m missing out on my semi-regular saturday night of drinking at Amy’s house for this very special event. Amy and i met at our orientation here at Drexel because i was wearing a Tori Amos t-shirt and she had packed the same one for the next day. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship that has since included insane record-shopping binges, leopard print underwear bought from k-mart, a PJ Harvey concert, a madonna danceathon, and all sorts of drunkeness at Amy’s house. Truth be told, i really don’t drink especially much, but at Amy’s house there’s always time to knock a few back, climb onto the coffee table, and sing Tina Turner in falsetto.
I should just stick to the songs… i’m sounding like a bigger and bigger idiot with every normal post that goes by.